How should Christian parents respond if a child has a learning disability?

You have seen a child that finds some lesson terribly hard: perhaps the teacher has turned it back more than once, and all the page is blotted with tears before it is learned. Some of these pages have been blotted with tears; and I am not at all sure that all the lessons that the writer is trying to pass on to you have been learned.

Ephesians 6:4 also says that we should ‘not provoke’ our children ‘to anger’. There are three things that can contribute to this. Firstly, a selfish attitude. If we constantly demand things from our children by saying, ‘Do this quickly’ or ‘Bring me that now’, we virtually treat them as slaves. Such selfish behaviour can provoke and discourage them, as well as lead them to give up trying to please us. Secondly, an uncontrolled temper. If, after a hard day at work when everything seems to have gone wrong, our little boy does something silly at home and we explode, he does not know what has hit him. Why? Because he senses when he should be punished but in this case he asks himself, ‘What did I do wrong?’ He cannot understand why we reacted in this way. We should be mature enough to control our tempers. Thirdly, unreasonable expectations. We cannot expect a two-year-old to do what is normal for a five-year-old. She may try to do it but without success, which will lead her to become frustrated and provoke her to anger. In 1 John 2:12–28 we find three stages of spiritual growth among the children of God: fathers, young men and little children. John addresses them in different ways according to their maturity and experience so let us be wise and bring up our children according to their age and ability.

The Lord knew exactly the measure of their strength, and He would have them admit that it was little. Their success would depend upon their keeping within their measure. It would be useless for them to pretend to be giants when they were dwarfs, and foolish for them to seek to add to their stature. The Lord knew their feebleness, and He never expects a little child to do the work of a grown man.

Of course, we must acknowledge there are children who prove very difficult to bring up for all sorts of reasons — some psychological, some physical and some a combination of both. These and the financial problems that confront parents who find it a constant challenge to make ends meet demand our prayers and care. The world has changed, and this has affected children and circumstances so that often family life is hardly recognisable from what it was a few decades ago. We need to look out for families with young children among the Lord’s people, and if necessary be ready and willing to help them in ways that do not condemn them but rather promote their welfare, dignity and spiritual blessing (the need for such practical help may account for the number of references to nurses and maidservants in the Bible). It may be that we can also give advice but let us be sure that it is from the Lord and that we have the necessary information and practical insight to do so, especially when it comes to helping with the relational problems that some families suffer. This surely demands prayer first. May the Lord Jesus give us grace for such service.[3]

Though three times mistaken, Jehovah did not lose patience with His little servant. Oh that we might learn of Him in this, as in all things else, and "have patience one with another," and especially with those whom we may consider slow of apprehension.

It is not easy to bring up children in a godly way. When those of us who are older parents look back on our lives, we often feel that we have been too hard or too soft with our children. We know that we all make many mistakes, which is why we encourage our younger brethren to learn these principles now rather than leave it to later when they encounter the difficulties we have described but have children already and maybe many other responsibilities to manage. Let us remember that a Christian family should be a home, and a place of security and shelter where unconditional love reigns. As such it is a bulwark against Satan and the world. May the Lord, who is our helper (Heb. 13:6), bless us and our families.

Well indeed it is if we parents or grandparents may be enabled to help to train these abilities, these talents, so that they may be "fulfilled", filled to the full, used in their best and highest way by each of our children. We have seen that these children are only a loan from the Lord to us, to train up for Himself. He has given to each abilities, talents, which they are responsible to use for Himself, and it is our happy privilege to seek to help them to fulfil this ministry. May God give us the faithfulness and the wisdom we so sorely need to truly do this wisely and well for Him, Whose they are and Whom they serve.

We have briefly reviewed these seven Gospel instances that we may obtain a safe and sound — because Scriptural — answer to our question. The question was, be it remembered. Have Christian parents any ground for expecting God to intervene in the blessing of their children?

The joyful answer is: Yes, they have most abundant ground for expecting it. Is their child an infant? The Lord Jesus took infants into His arms and blessed them. Is it the case of a daughter or son afflicted by the power of the devil, or near to death, or actually in death, or even a son grown to man's estate and claimed by death as its prey and insensible to all beside? In each case He heard and wrought deliverance. True, in one case there was delay, circumstances were permitted to hinder. In another there had to be first wrought a work of honest self-judgment in the soul of the afflicted Gentile mother; in another the gentle rebuke of feeble and shaken faith in the anguished father; in yet another the testing of very genuine faith that it might the more distinctly be manifested; and all these spiritual dealings with the parents necessitated some delay. Yet in every case their cry was heard and abundantly answered.

Since the fall of man, since our judgment has been a fallen one by sin, our thought of obligation and duty is always as a means of gaining something. People often fancy, that if there is not the uncertainty attendant upon this responsibility to get life, there must be carelessness. But supposing you have got children, they are your children, and never can cease to be your children. But does that destroy their responsibility? Their relationship to you is the very thing that forms their responsibility.

If it be written, and it is written, "Children, obey your parents in all things"; it is also, in beautiful adjusting power, written, "Fathers, provoke not your children, lest they be discouraged." Again, if it be said, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord; for this is right"; it is also said, "Ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath; but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." In short, the child must be taught to obey; but the obedient child must be allowed to breathe an atmosphere of tenderness, and to walk up and down in the sunshine of parental affection. This is the spirit of Christian education.

Most gladly would we dwell further on this great practical subject; but we trust sufficient has been said to rouse the hearts and consciences of all Christian parents to a sense of their high and holy responsibilities in reference to their beloved offspring; and also to show that there is a great deal more involved in bringing our children out of Egypt, and taking God's ground for them than many of us are aware of. And if the reading of the foregoing lines be used of God to lead any parent into prayerful exercise in this most weighty matter, we shall not have penned them in vain.