How should a Christian wedding be different from a non-Christian wedding?

The ceremony of marriage required by civil laws to bestow a wedded status upon the persons concerned is altogether distinct from the spiritual union of husband and wife which results from the exercise of God's own will and guidance upon the hearts of the same two persons. The latter is the most serious and yet the most happy side of the undertaking. For this reason, the married couple, realising the solemn nature of the initial step they have taken in the united life to which they have committed themselves, seek the fellowship and prayers of the assembly of God on their behalf. Thereby, they openly confess that in their new relationship, their joint desire is to receive divine help that they may walk together in the fear of the Lord, in obedience to His word, and in the furtherance of the glory of His name.

There was that which was, so to speak, automatic about this wedding. The relatives and the friends came automatically, if I may use that word, even the mother of Jesus is found in that movement. She was there; it was an ordinary matter; a gathering together in an ordinary sense in regard to that which was natural; but not so with Jesus; He was invited. And whilst there is that about every wedding which of necessity must be automatic, a natural gathering together of kindred affections, we observe that a special place is made for Christ. He was invited. One delights to think that our brother and sister, whilst gladly accepting the gathering together of all that is natural in affection for them, have a special desire that this glorious Man the Lord Jesus Christ should have His place, a supreme place, in this ceremony today. He was invited. Now beloved brethren, if Christ is truly invited He must be supreme — and everything must be under His blessed hand. Hence we find there is One blessed Person whose glory is manifested. It is not the bridegroom, it is not the bride; they have their place, and we would gladly give our beloved brother and his dear wife the place that is theirs today; but shining above all that is the glory of this blessed Person; Jesus was invited, and his followers. What a blessed thing for our brother and sister to make a special point of bringing into the matter this glorious Person, Who will insist that every moral question is faced in order that joy might abound (v. 7). We are assured indeed, as knowing something of the history of our brother and our sister, that they too have faced moral matters. So to speak the waterpots have been filled to the brim; they have faced things before God in their individual pathways, and as having faced these matters they are, as now united, desirous of inviting into their lives this blessed Person Who alone can give them a satisfying portion of undiminished joy.

While Scripture is silent entirely as to the marriage ceremony, (this being the affair of the government in the particular locality), yet we read of the marriage of Cana in Gallilee, at which our Lord was present (John 2:1-11), and of other marriage celebrations, including the marriage supper of Matthew 22 and that great future occasion of "the marriage supper of the Lamb," concerning which a multitude of voices join spontaneously in unison: "Let us be glad and rejoice, and give honour to Him: for the marriage of the Lamb is come, and His wife hath made herself ready." (Rev. 19:7-9).

If God therefore has in rich grace and by His tender leading, arranged a marriage of two of His redeemed saints, how becoming and right it is that others should rejoice with them, and have opportunity to express their thankfulness and heartfelt fellowship in gathering on so glad an occasion. The supper itself is an expression of communion or fellowship. Whether the ceremony is performed at the same time in the presence of all guests, or just previously at the registrar's office or elsewhere, in the presence of only two witnesses, is of no real significance. But this is a precious occasion upon which the saints of God may, if confident of the Lord's ordering this union, share in the joy of the happy couple.

Moreover, rather than the occasion becoming merely one of social enjoyment, let the Lord Himself be greatly honoured and thanked for His wondrous grace. To have a brother present who may read and minister the Word of God acceptably will help elevate this happy scene to a level of sacred sweetness, above mere earthly pleasure, and will restrain that which is mere fleshly exuberance. If relatives and friends are present who have not been saved, how opportune a time too for announcing the glad news of the grace of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. What added cause of rejoicing to the wedded couple if their marriage should be the occasion of the salvation of some precious soul!

Here however, it is needful that we differentiate in things that are greatly distinct, but which have been too often confused. In the marriage of Adam or that of Isaac we read of no official ceremony. Nor does Scripture anywhere indicate that God at any time required or suggested such a ceremony: it is rather He Himself Who joins together, and not by means of a ceremony of any kind.

Nevertheless, civilization being what it is, and man untrustworthy, when nations were formed on earth, it became an absolute necessity that, to maintain proper government, a due public recognition should confirm the marriage of any couple. Certainly the believer must fully recognize the requirements of government, and "be subject unto the higher powers." Since the government then requires a ceremony, the Christian gladly conforms to this ordinance of man, for the Lord's sake. But to go further than this, in a ceremony that adds a religious element, including vows as before God, is not Scriptural, and confuses the principle of subjection to secular authorities with that of God's sovereign operation in uniting two lives in marriage.

How perfectly right then that the believer should have any proper government official to perform this ceremony, and thus recognize the rightful claims of government. Sometimes Christians have urged that only a saved person out to perform this ceremony for them; but this view springs from a lack of understanding as to the ceremony being simply a government requirement. There is no more reason to insist on having a saved official to do this that to insist that only a saved person should issue the marriage license.

At least the government representative will make his pronouncement rightly on behalf of the state or province. On the other hand, a clergyman may pronounce a couple man and wife "on behalf of the church," which is thoroughly wrong, for neither the true church of God nor the churches of men have any authority of any kind in reference to marriage. And yet more gravely serious is the expressions sometimes used, "I pronounce you man and wife in the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost." No man has ever been given authority from God to speak in this way. When God joins, He does so without the help of any man; and this intrusion of one professing to represent God in the actual joining of a couple in marriage is akin to the error of a king's menial servant, who assumes to speak officially in the king's name, without the slightest authority, and to bring into effect something that only the king personally can rightly do.

In certain countries only a government official is allowed to perform the ceremony. Elsewhere, while ministers of religion are authorized for this, by government, yet a couple may have this done at the registrar's office, or have a judge or justice of the peace present where the ceremony is desired; in which way the truth of Scripture is not compromised. If, for whatever reason, a minister is chosen to perform the ceremony, it is suggested that the believing couple request that no religious vows be added, and that a pronouncement be made in no other name but that of the government. Yet, let us have godly caution in remembering that these things are not written as laying down laws, but for the help of the honestly concerned consciences.

This form of effective witness for God is sorely needed today. And it devolves upon the newly-married couple to organize a home which shall in its primary purpose be entirely controlled by the will of the Lord. Under such management, the home will become a centre from which the light of God's truth will shine upon the darkness and ungodliness of the surrounding world. Its occupants will be recognized as the servants of Christ.

A home is not to be confused with a house. An architect plans the house, but love and order construct the home. It is important that in the new Christian home an agreed policy between husband and wife should predominate; “and they two shall be one flesh.” Particularly in things God-ward concerted action should prevail. The former spiritual habits and activities hitherto practised by each need not cease, only they may now be prayerfully pursued with the enhanced energy that concord and consultation supply to Christian service. The two happy persons will unite as they never could before in “labour for and with the Lord.” And the former effect for good and blessing will not diminish, but will rather be increased by the intimate wedded union of two hearts devoted to the Lord.

Above all else, in the home of the believing couple, let the Person of the Lord Jesus be the pre-eminent Object of each heart, and the blessed hope of His coming a real and vital incentive to every godly virtue. Thus will such a marriage more rightly picture that of Christ and the Church, -faintly perhaps, but really; and declare to the world that this means more to us than the temporary earthly picture and its blessings, sweet as these may be.

If every Christian marriage were entered upon and maintained according to the truth thus revealed to us, what a pattern Christians would be to the world. God grant that His children may not be conformed to the world in this matter, but subject to the Word of God, doing the will of God, possessing their vessels in sanctification and honour to the coming of the Lord.

The exercise laid on my heart is that there might be a word spoken which will enhance the dignity of Christian marriage in all our affections and thoughts. I suppose we must face the fact that, in this world with its back upon God and Christ, the ordinance of marriage which comes from God in His rich mercy for His creature, is often entered into without regard to its precedings or its proceedings, and God is very much out of the picture. But beloved brethren, we do well to seek help from God that an institution which came freshly from His own blessed heart, might be held by those who know God in all the dignity of which it is worthy. The Scriptures make it abundantly plain that God has in mind that this mercy from Himself should be extensively enjoyed by His creature, and so we have the word which says that "Marriage is honourable in all," indicating that God has in mind that the blessings of the relationship which He Himself thought of for man, should be widely enjoyed.

Paul narrows the matter by telling us very distinctly that in relation to Christians, marriage is to be "Only in the Lord." That is to say a Christian who wishes to move in relation to God, not only takes with gladness and thanksgiving the blessings of the institution itself, but he or she would desire to move in relation to that institution as in direct subjection to the claims of the Lord. We are assured that our brother and sister have faced that matter.

In considering this great occasion four words have been much in my mind—“Only in the Lord.” They were written in reference to marriage in 1 Corinthians 7, and we should ask, What do they mean? They mean, of course, that the Christian man must choose a Christian woman as wife, and the Christian woman must choose a Christian man as husband. To do otherwise would be to transgress the word of the Lord, “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers.”