How should a Christian respond to unreciprocated romantic interest?

I know so little of the case in detail that I find myself quite unable to form any satisfactory judgment upon it; but I am sure that if she will turn to the Lord and Him only in the matter, and make Him her burden-bearer, and ask for grace to be contented to have His will performed and not her own, she will find present rest and future blessing.

I know so little of the case in detail that I find myself quite unable to form any satisfactory judgment upon it; but I am sure that if she will turn to the Lord and Him only in the matter, and make Him her burden-bearer, and ask for grace to be contented to have His will performed and not her own, she will find present rest and future blessing.

We do not feel free to offer any counsel in your case. You must wait only upon God. Each one must learn for himself, in communion with God, his proper path in this solemn matter. We have invariably found that those who were most forward in offering counsel were the most incompetent to give it. On the other hand, those whose counsel would be worth having were slowest to give it. Do not suppose, dear friend, that we do not sympathize with you in your exercise; we do most deeply. But we believe you must ask counsel of God.

I trust the Lord may spare you your -, dear brother. A first trial of this kind is always very painful: the heart has not been in it before. God comes and claims His right on our tenderest affections. This is strange work, when they have just been drawn out; but it is well - it is good. I am sure you are in His hands; and that I am sure is all a way of love, and the best that the wisdom of His love can send. If the needed work can be done without the sorrow, He will not send the sorrow. We might even dread if it be needed. His love is far better than our will. Trust Him; He may well be trusted; He has given His son for us, and proved His love. Present your requests to Him: I do fully for you. He would have us do it, and then lean fully on His love and wisdom. If He strikes, be assured He will give more than He takes away.

In a certain way the condition of singleness (maybe for life) can be a form of suffering, loss and deprivation. Therefore, it is natural and not a sign of being ‘unspiritual’ to feel this and to mourn about it. Jephthah’s daughter said to her father, ‘Let this thing be done for me: leave me alone two months, that I may go and descend to the mountains, and bewail my virginity, I and my companions’ (Jdg. 11:37). She wanted time to mourn her situation and then she would surrender to God’s ways. There is a time for everything — also for mourning. Whether this is two months (as with Jephthah’s daughter) or longer depends on the individual case. But sooner or later the time must come when we surrender to God’s ways. We have to be ‘watching lest there be any one who lacks the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and many be defiled by it’ (Heb. 12:15). This often leads to accusations against God. But not only does this dishonour God; it also harms our life of faith.

Poor dear … , how much you must have gone through! yet, has it not endeared Jesus; made you feel more the value of "my beloved is mine," and "I am his," and "who shall separate me from this love?" No, I do not think any expectation of future good satisfies for the denial of a present desire. I believe it will be only subjection, and the resignation of the will, that can bring peace; and it does bring peace to the humbled under the mighty hand of Him who, we feel certain, "careth for us." No position of the mind is so blessed, or so happy to ourselves, as, "I behaved and quieted myself as a child weaned from its mother." "My soul is as a weaned child." Therefore is the arm of the Lord's discipline to subdue us; and blessed be God, "He is able to subdue ALL things to himself." The surrender of the spirit after a struggle, brings more real happiness, than would the possession of the good, struggled for; but it needs many a struggle, and many a victory. I believe the only thing is to resign ourselves immediately to God, and give ourselves to him to crucify our affections, and desires.

Next we are told of the blight created by disappointment, and the cheer given by receiving what the heart sought. "Hope deferred makes the heart sick; but [when] desire comes, it is a tree of life." Some may have proved both experiences, and know how true it is. But we do well in the things of this life to judge our thoughts and desires before God by His Word, and ever to say in truth, "Thy will be done."

As hope deferred makes the heart sick, so the fruition of what is desired is pleasant, but not unless the desire be governed by the fear of God. Without His will, not anything is wise, good, or sweet. Hence we read what follows.

It may be these lines are read by someone whose affections are already engaged by some worldly person. We would warn you against such a marriage at your peril. Better far to have a broken heart for God's glory, and one that He can heal, than to have a heart broken later on, as you surely will, through seeing with your eyes open, and discovering when TOO LATE, the fearful error you have committed.

Advice is sought from one’s parents or possibly from an experienced brother: the situation is explained and prayer is requested. They raise again the question of the will of God and point to the dangers involved in such a marriage. However, the heart has already decided and will not turn back. Similar situations arise in matters other than marriage. How important to acquire the habit of seeking the Lord before making decisions in one’s heart. Then it will be natural to turn first to our well-known Friend in the decisive hours of life.