How should a Christian relate to non-Christian friends?

First of all as to our relation to men generally. Though converted, we are left for a longer or shorter period in this world, very often amid the same surroundings as in our unconverted days. In any case, we are constantly rubbing shoulder to shoulder with men who have their portion in this life. How are we to behave to such? The Word of God gives us a general principle to guide our conduct. "Esteem all men," it says. Naturally we are prone to go to one of two extremes, just according to our bent. Either we sink too much to the level of other men, or we are apt to 'assume an air of superiority, and act the Pharisee. Scripture points out a middle course, which, if adopted, would prove both a safeguard to ourselves, and a help to those who are at present outside. All earnest Christians, who desire to follow the Lord fully, have doubtless felt a difficulty as to their precise attitude towards worldly friends and neighbours. It is easy enough to treat people with cold indifference, to avoid them, or pass them by with only the slightest recognition. In doing so we can never hope to win them for Christ, nor do we give them an opportunity of seeing what Christianity has done for us. On the other hand, it is equally easy to form worldly acquaintanceship and fall under its influence, rather than, as the children of God, shining as lights in the world. But if we seek to carry into practice the injunction to "esteem all," we shall neither be looking down upon people, nor yet defiling our garments, but we shall be letting our light so shine before men that they may see our good works and glorify our Father who is in heaven.

Nor does true separation for the Christian consist of that Pharisaical practice that holds aloof from sinners. Like his Master the Christian will be found in the company of sinners, not to have His life with them, not to be defiled as sharing their sinful pursuits, but testifying to them the Gospel of God, and seeking to win them to the Lord. If one of the unbelievers bids us to a feast, and we are disposed to go (1 Cor. 10:27), it will surely be with the object of bringing Christ and His things before the one who has bidden us. Only one who is truly separate from sinners would have the moral power to speak of Christ in the presence of sinners.

Understand me. I do not mean that we must not be kind and friendly, even, to the "unjust" and the "evil." I mean we must not fellowship with them, or be under any kind of yoke with them. We should love men — all men — but not the world. we should seek the good of all, but keep aloof from everything that savors of the world. We may work, eat, and live with the unconverted, but it is quite another thing to join with them in their pleasures and amusements. Christ constantly mixed with publicans and sinners, not to "enjoy Himself," as people say, but to tell them of God's love and reach their consciences. And we will find no harm among the unconverted, with that end in view, or to fulfil whatever may be our appointed task in the duties of life. If to seek enjoyment, Christians mix with the unconverted, they will surely contract defilement. And they never do the unbeliever any good. In my pocket is a gold coin and a piece of lead. They have been together — in each other's company, if you will. Now see them. The gold, alas, is tarnished. In the language of Scripture, "How is the fine gold become dim?" There is lead upon it that has dimmed its lustre. But the lead has not changed by being in contact with the gold. The golden coin alone has been affected, and that for evil.

Amongst Satan's many fruitful devices for lowering the saints is that of subtly introducing the world without their being aware of it; on this account it is well not to be ignorant of his weapons, so as to be able to turn them aside. I will try and indicate some of them, with the hope that we may profit by the experience of other Christians who have preceded us on this difficult road. In the foremost rank may be placed old acquaintances, just because we have been on intimate terms with them, and to them our weaknesses are known. There are but two ways of avoiding this danger - either to break off all connection with them, or to proclaim the truth to them, by showing them that we have found an object worthy of our affections - an object which has taken possession of our heart, which has given a new direction to our life, and which is jealous of any friendship which is not based on the work of redemption. I admit à priori the difficulty of turning our back on an old friend, who has perhaps been of service to us, and the enemy takes occasion by all this to keep us in slavery, and to allure us into an atmosphere very unhealthy for those whose senses are fitted for a heavenly one. It may happen, for instance, that a worldly acquaintance of former days comes in and expresses a wish to pass an evening with us. What should be clone under such circumstances? If we are not careful, it may become the means of making us miss a meeting, or a projected study of the Word with others; so what is the right path? I think the best service we can render to a worldly friend, who persists in seeking our friendship, is to speak to him faithfully of the Saviour's work, and the result will be generally one of two - if he listen, so much the better, the Lord can work and help us to win a soul; if he do not listen, he will probably complain that we are changed, have new ideas, and are less amiable than formerly, but meanwhile we shall be left free to follow the Lord. This may appear a hard thing, as truly it is to the flesh, and it would be an ignoble action if the motive were not the Lord's; but we ought not to forget what Peter said to his contemporaries - "Forasmuch then as Christ hath suffered for us in the flesh, arm yourselves likewise with the same mind: for he that hath suffered in the flesh hath ceased from sin." (1 Peter 4:1.) And then there is the exhortation which Paul addressed to the Corinthians - "Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing and I will receive you, and will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty." (2 Cor. 6:17-18.)

Of course you must meet your old companions, but lose no time in letting them know that the old relations exist no more. Speak to them of Christ. Whatever you do, don't descend to the old level, and don't be hail-fellow-well-met as before. So surely as you do, your power, Samson-like, will have fled, and you will become their easy prey.

In the great majority of cases one good bold confession of Christ is enough. Some may receive a homethrust that will eventually result in their conversion, others may just leave you. If not, you will find it best to leave them. If you can't help them, they will harm you. Don't give them the opportunity.

Mark it well, dear brethren; we are apt to forget the injunction. It is not merely, Go to the world, or, Go to every creature; but, "Go home to thy friends." How comes it that there is such difficulty, often, in speaking to our friends? Why is it that persons who are bold enough with strangers, are so timid before their household, relatives, connections? It often tells a tale which it is well to bear in mind. We shrink from the comparison which our friends are so apt and sure to make; who test our words — however clear, and good, and sweet — by that which they have such abundant means of ascertaining in our daily ways. An inconsistent walk makes a coward, at least, before "our friends." It would be well if it really had the effect of humbling us before all. Were there genuine lowliness with fidelity before God, there would be courage, not only before strangers, but before "our friends." Here, however, the point simply amounts to this: The Lord would spread the message of grace, would send him to make it known to his friends; for it was clearly they who had best known in his case the awful and degrading power of Satan. They would, of course, be most interested in the men who were his familiars; and therefore there were special reasons, I doubt not, for it. For us, too, it is a good thing to bear it in mind. Not that a saved soul should only go to his friends; but it remains ever true and good that the secret of grace in the heart should send us to our friends, to make it known to those who have known our folly and sins, that they may hear of the mighty Saviour we have found. "Go home to thy friends, and tell them how great things the Lord hath done for thee, and hath had compassion on thee. And he departed, and began to publish in Decapolis how great things Jesus had done for him."

In verse 5 the unconverted are spoken of as "them that are without." There are those within the Christian circle and those without it, and it is very important that we should be right in our relations with those without. We are set in a place of testimony in regard to them. First our general behaviour towards them is to be marked by wisdom. That being so we are sure to have opportunities for witnessing which we are to redeem by seizing them as they present themselves.

The fact is that the great majority of Christians during the far greater portion of their lives are required to testify for the Lord amid the most ordinary circumstances. How many there are, for instance, who hardly ever step out of the routine of the family circle, or the round of relatives and friends, or the circle of business associates. In such cases are there no opportunities to testify for Christ? None, perhaps, that will bring the witness before the public gaze of man; but many the far-reaching influence of which will only be known at the judgment seat of Christ. Who can tell the effect of the loving word and the kindly deed done and said in the name of the Master?

In His service for the Lord, the apostle Paul exercised himself to maintain a good conscience void of offence Godward and manward. To witness rightly in our walk this is necessary. Even in the warfare of Ephesians 6 our ‘feet’ are to be shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace, and as to our brethren in the Lord we are to ‘walk’ ‘according to love’ (Rom. 14:15), and we are exhorted to “walk in wisdom towards them that are without” (Col. 4:5). Words are not enough to bear witness truly; one has often heard it said, So-and-so’s life gives the lie to what he says! By their fruits ye shall know them! On the other hand we have known cases where the children of God have been mentioned, and it has been said, If any hold the right thing, they do, for they are as consistent on week-days as they are on Sundays! That is just what it should be.

Can we not find instruction for ourselves in this? Brothers, who are still bound to the world in many ways, often conduct themselves much better, out of their devotion to their brothers, than others who strongly insist on outward separation. If these two things do not go hand in hand, the Christian testimony has no real value. But let us not forget that the world will be more impressed by a testimony given through brotherly love than by a testimony given through outward separation. This is why Nehemiah said to the chief men, "Ought ye not to walk in the fear of our God, so as not to be the reproach of the nations our enemies?" (v. 9).