How is somebody who does not provide for his family worse than an unbeliever (1 Timothy 5:8)?

Not every widow was to be given the same honor, but if she were "a widow indeed" she was entitled to particular attention and respect. She is one who, while feeling the sorrow of her widowhood, nevertheless puts her confidence in the Living God, and manifests her dependence upon His love and grace, by prayer and supplication consistently. If she were in any need, this "honor" would certainly involve the alleviation of those needs by temporal support. Yet, if she had children or descendents, these were certainly responsible for her care, and they should learn to show piety at home by relieving her need, in some measure returning the care of the mother or parents in former years. God expects and accepts this. It is, of course, evident that if this were callously ignored by descendents not in the assembly, then the assembly would be responsible. But if the widow lives in self-indulgence, she is dead while she lives, and in such a state she could certainly claim no support from the assembly. Indeed, their supporting her in such a case would be an unseemly encouraging of her irresponsible ways.

It was necessary that these things should be solemnly charged upon the saints in order to preserve them from the blame that wrongdoing brings: they must not be ignorant of these serious matters. Verse 8 of course refers to one whom we have seen to have responsibility for his close relatives, including widows. He should provide, at least if he is at all able, for his own near relatives who require care, but, of course, specially for those of his own house. If by irresponsible neglect he does not do this, in practice he denies the wholesome truth of Christianity; and his practice being in opposition to his profession (for this refers to one claiming to be a saint), he is worse than an unbeliever; it is virtual hypocrisy.

Taken into the number would mean being made a regular dependent of the assembly. This was not to be the case if she were under sixty years of age, for she could support herself by working. Of course, this is not a rigid law, for there would naturally be exceptions in cases of disease or accident having caused permanent incapacitation. On the other hand, it may be necessary on occasion that relief should be given to a younger widow who is manifestly in need, even though the assembly ought not to support her regularly.

"But if one neglect providing for his own, and especially his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an unbeliever." Even nature teaches the contrary. What can be more distressing than, with the possession or even the profession of Christian privileges, to fall short of ordinary righteousness or of family affection? To neglect care for one's relatives and especially for those that compose the household is in the apostle's energetic language to have denied the faith and to be worse than an unbeliever. Unfeeling selfishness is a denial of the faith; for what has not God given to us in His own Son? He who confesses such grace is bound to manifest fruit in accordance with the Christ in Whom he believes. If he refuses, how many heathen would put such a man or woman to shame! It is usually an effort to lay one's own burden on others without any adequate reason, and contrary to the strongest dictates of not love only but propriety. Certainly God's church was never meant to be a club for the exercise of covetousness, but to be a school of divine love, and of righteousness unto holiness. And woe be to those who despise the importance of these injunctions, whether the motive be the lowest personal interest, or the pretension be that Christianity is so high as to exclude these natural relationships! Self, and not Christ, will be found at bottom to be the root of the latter as of the former. Only He gives scope and force to all scripture; whereas error may often hide itself behind one part of the word, which it misuses to deny another part. Faith welcomes and submits to it all. "By faith ye stand."

Next the apostle treats of special provision for a widow who had none bound to care for her. Grace is the life-breath of the saint and of the assembly; but the grace is in harmony, not conflict, with righteousness. There are circumstances and limits which cannot be neglected without loss to man and dishonour to God.

(V. 8). For a Christian to fail in providing for his own, and especially for those of his own house, is to sink below what is natural, and thus deny the faith of Christianity which sanctions these natural relationships and teaches us to respect them. It is thus possible for a Christian, if acting in the flesh, to behave in a way that is “worse than the unbeliever.”

(Vv. 9, 10). There may, however, be needy individuals in the Christian circle, who have no relatives to provide for them. Such should be put upon the list of those who can be rightly cared for by the assembly. Nevertheless, one must take care not to use the house of God as if it were merely an institution for supporting needy people.

The Day of Christ will reveal the great things which were accomplished in secret prayer. But if other widows lived in pleasure, in self-indulgence then she is dead while she liveth, that is, dead to the spiritual things. For such there could be no honor, but dishonor. And if anyone did not provide for his own house, he denied the faith and was worse than an infidel, for an unbeliever generally recognizes this duty. Then we have divinely given regulations as to those who should be given relief by the church, and those who should be refused. Practical godliness is thus to be maintained in the house of God, and manifested in every way so as "to give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully."

The case of those who are in circumstances of special need and dependence is next considered. Those that are widows indeed, in the full reality of widowhood, are to be honored, evidently to be cared for in the way of ministry, and according to their need. If such an one had children, then these were to show piety at home. It would not be right to take from them that which was their responsibility, nor would it be what would be desired on the part of those who felt things rightly from the divine or from the human side. But the widow indeed, one left really solitary, cast upon God alone, had a place of corresponding privilege as one who might give herself to prayer and supplication in behalf of others continuously. Whoever she were as to circumstances, if she was only thinking of self-indulgence, she was dead while living. God never recognizes any as having no duties to perform, no part to play, in a world such as this is. We can see how prayer is recognized as everywhere a need and a responsibility. One lying helpless upon a bed of sickness could yet pray, and pray; and perhaps there could be no greater usefulness than to live shut up, as men might think, after this fashion. If the heart was still after the things of which by circumstances one might be deprived, then all was out of place. The very providence of God was unheeded, and there could be no honor for one in such a condition. If any one did not provide for his own, especially for those of his own house, his own immediate circle, he denied the faith, and was worse than the unbeliever by the full extent of his profession.

Other instructions come in by the way. Notice how clearly it is taught that children and descendants (the word is "descendants" rather than "nephews") are responsible for the support of their parents. Thus they shew godliness or piety at home. Let us emphasize this in our minds for it is easily forgotten in these days of "doles" and other forms of public support. The denunciation in verse 8 of the man who avoids or neglects this duty is very severe, showing how serious a sin it is in God's sight. There may be men quite renowned for piety in public who are nevertheless branded as worse than an infidel for lack of this piety at home.

Suppose an officer in the commissariat department of an army or garrison, who daily provides every soldier, from the general down to the drummer boy, with their due rations; or the steward of a ship, who gives to every individual in the ship, from the captain to the cabin boy, their meat in due season, would leave his wife and children to starve. Would this be taken as a proof of his strict honesty and faithfulness in his service to the queen and the country? I should think, his queen would be the very last to praise him for it. And what is the verdict of the Divine Code in such a case? "But if any provide not for his own and especially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel [or unbeliever]."

Now, under the term "house," three things are included, viz., the house itself, the children, and the servants. All these, whether taken together or separately, should bear the distinct stamp of God. The house of a man of God should be ruled for God, in His name and for His glory. The head of a Christian household is the representative of God. Whether as a father, or as a master, he is, to his household an expression of the power of God; and he is bound to walk in the intelligent recognition and practical development of this fact. It is on this principle he is to provide for and govern the whole. Hence, "If any provide not for his own house, he has denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel." By neglecting the sphere over which God has set him, he proves his ignorance of, and unlikeness to, the One whom he is called to represent.

Verse 4 tells us that "the city was large and spacious, but the people in it were few, and the houses were not rebuilt." Before this the Lord had reproved the people for saying, "The time has not come, the time that the Lord's house should be built" (Hag. 1:2), and he asked them, "Is it time for you yourselves to dwell in your paneled houses, and this temple to lie in ruins? (v. 4). At that time the people neglected the house of God and concentrated on their own houses, Now the reverse was true. How sadly unbalanced we so easily become! Surely we should have true concern for the truth of the house of God, but in doing so, should we neglect our own house? Well does Paul remind Timothy that "if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever" (1 Tim. 5:8). How tragic was the condition of things in Judah at the time Isaiah wrote, "You number the houses of Jerusalem, and the houses you broke down to fortify the wall" (Isa. 22:10). Do we do anything similar? Because we want to fortify the wall of separation from the world, do we sacrifice the proper welfare of our own families for this cause? Can we be surprised that the enemy reproaches us for such inconsistency?

As to any other questions that may arise, such, for instance, as to whether one should lay up for one's family, they can only be settled by each one individually waiting on the Lord and receiving special guidance from Him. For his guidance he will find on the one hand such Scriptures as "I have been young and now am old, yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread. He is ever merciful and lendeth, and his seed is blessed" (Psalm 37:25-26); and on the other hand, "I will not be burdensome to you: for I seek not yours, but you; for the children ought not to lay up for the parents, but the parents for the children." (2 Cor. 12:14.) Let every man be fully persuaded in his own mind. One thing is, however, clear, that if a man does not make provision for his family, such as a prudent man of the world makes, and in consequence spends more upon himself than he would otherwise be able to do, expecting the saints to care for his family, and thus throwing them as a burden on the Church, then he is neither acting in faith, nor in an upright, godly manner. Such conduct can unhesitatingly be condemned as unrighteous. If he has faith to spend in the Lord's interests, not only what he would naturally do as a Christian, but also over and above what he would save up for his family, well and good, but without faith it is impossible to please God, and counterfeit faith is worthless.