How important is physical attraction when looking for a spouse?

Physical attraction makes up part of the bond we have with our partner but this must not take priority over the spiritual and mental aspects of our relationship. The world around us makes almost everything of the physical and we must guard against this playing too great a part in our choice of partner. The world is led on by Satan who is against the idea of marriage as instituted by God. If we allow ourselves to be exposed to the media's perceptions of relationships they can unconsciously enter our minds and affect our actions. Let us guard ourselves from songs, films, books, plays etc. that entertain low morals or overplay the physical and emotion aspect of choosing a partner.

Each young woman in turn was interviewed by the king as though they were applying for employment. They were given anything they desired to take with them, whether make up, perfumes, delicate clothing, flowers or anything they might consider helpful in appealing to the king (v. 13). To a believer, what are all these surface things compared to the moral and spiritual beauty he sees in a prospective wife? Compare 1 Peter 3:4.

Deceitful is worldly favour, and vain is fleshly beauty; “the flesh profiteth nothing”, and the earthly advantages of birth, culture, riches or fame count for nothing in the estimation of the Lord, the righteous Judge, when weighed in the balances of the sanctuary. But the fear of Jehovah, producing and bringing in its train subjection to and affection for Him, this is what alone merits and obtains praise and honourable mention before the coming judgement-seat — ‘the gates’ of Oriental imagery used here.

Proverbs 31:30 (Shin). "Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised." The favour of the world is deceitful, like natural beauty it does not last; but the woman who, in reverential fear, seeks to please the Lord, shall have a satisfying and praiseworthy life. And this is true for us all.

How fitting that a book characterized by the fear of the Lord should end in this way. However others may seek to obtain favor by pleasant manners or beautiful appearance, the eyes of the Lord look deeper than this, and see the heart made known in consistent daily conduct and devotion. He will not be deceived, nor will the vanity of fair appearances make any impression upon His heart of absolute truth and purity. Is there not here also the clearest significance of the judgment seat of Christ? "She shall be praised." Not only will others eventually recognize her value, but far above all else, God will express His own approbation. "Therefore judge nothing before the time, until the Lord come: and then shall every man (or each) have praise of God" (1 Cor. 4:5). How deeply thankful then will each saint be who has honestly sought, with single heart, the pleasure of the Lord. We know that nothing will escape His eyes, nothing be forgotten that has been the fruit of faith working by love. And what child of God now would not yearn with desire for the joy of hearing those precious words from the Lord's lips, "Well done. thou good and faithful servant"?

Perhaps some day you may see it for yourselves, but the lesson I am most anxious you should learn from the story is that “Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain; but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised” (Prov. 31:30).

HER REWARD. “Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain; but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates”

The Lord takes more notice of the state of our hearts, than He does of what men call beauty of person. Absalom was praised more than anyone else in Israel for his beauty; “From the sole of his foot even to the crown of his head there was no blemish in him.” Yet the Lord brought evil upon Absalom (2 Sam. 17:14): for Absalom could not hide from the Lord the wickedness of his own heart. The Lord can read all our hearts, far easier than we can read this little book. “All things are naked and opened unto the eyes of him with whom we have to do” (Heb. 4:13).

At this point we are told of the great beauty of Absalom. It is one of the miseries of a soul away from God, that every natural gift becomes evil instead of good; and among these there is none more ensnaring than that of personal beauty. Just as what is merely external, it is what is most surely appreciated both by its possessor and those around. Spite even of our better judgment also, it is hard to believe that this fair exterior does not represent aright the soul within. Absalom was conscious certainly of his power in this respect: who that has it is not? And if any, the exception would not be in this self-willed favorite of his father and of the people, whose vanity is shown in the long permitted growth and weight of his luxuriant hair.

To place a gold ring in a swine's snout would be both amusing and stupid (v. 22), but it is just as obnoxious to observe a lovely looking woman who lacks discretion. Why does she not use the beauty God has given her in the interests of truth and goodness? If she were simply righteous, her desire would be only good (v. 23), and such desires will be fulfilled. But what of the desires of the wicked? They are rather spoken of here as "the expectation of the wicked," If he knows anything of the character of God, he can only expect wrath at the end of his course.