How can I prepare myself for marriage?

When Christians are seeking a partner in marriage, it is essential for them to seek the mind and will of God. There should be an enquiry, “What saith the scriptures?”.

Let us take a practical illustration from what may occur to you. You may meet an agreeable person to whom you are attracted and whom you think would form a desirable companion for you. Now do not act hastily in the matter. Do not take a step in the dark, which may cause you many regrets. Allow the light of the divine lamp to fall upon the question. Consider what the consequences of the companionship may be. Is the person such a one as the word of God commends? If you wait patiently on the Lord in this sincere manner, you are sure not to be led astray.

Look at it in a natural way. Here is a young man, going to enter on a career of service for God. How important that hp should make no alliance that will hinder his usefulness and service. How important that every step should be taken in dependence upon God, with earnest prayer for guidance, particularly in so important a step as choosing a partner, a companion. How absolutely important it is that she should be of the same mind with himself. First of all she should be one of the Lord's people, surely, and besides she should have like faith and obedience with himself.

Look at it in a natural way. Here is a young man, going to enter on a career of service for God. How important that he should make no alliance that will hinder his usefulness and service. How important that every step should be taken in dependence upon God, with earnest prayer for guidance, particularly in so important a step as choosing a partner, a companion. How absolutely important it is that she should be of the same mind with himself. First of all she should be one of the Lord's people, surely, and besides she should have like faith and obedience with himself.

To choose first and then to pray – is this not a trap set by Satan before many a child of God? This is especially so when one’s heart is already committed to marry a person outside the will of God. Perhaps the person is unconverted or walking in a path where true Christian fellowship is not possible. Or perhaps this person will entice the believing partner into a worldly lifestyle. Whatever the reason, the person does not answer to the will of God for His own.

Advice is sought from one’s parents or possibly from an experienced brother: the situation is explained and prayer is requested. They raise again the question of the will of God and point to the dangers involved in such a marriage. However, the heart has already decided and will not turn back. Similar situations arise in matters other than marriage. How important to acquire the habit of seeking the Lord before making decisions in one’s heart. Then it will be natural to turn first to our well-known Friend in the decisive hours of life.

Prayer for wisdom and direction is as essential in this area as it is in every aspect of our lives. There have been many that have made mistakes: remember Samson and Delilah; Esau and the daughters of Heth; Solomon and his many wives; Ahab and Jezebel.

God knew that I needed a wife and that we could serve the Lord better together than apart and His will is best. Pray to God to show you His way, don't decide what you want and then pray about it. Pray that He may make His mind clear to you and then you will be able to thank Him when He gives the answer.

Still more important is the choice of a wife. How necessary to continually pray for the Lord’s guidance – that He might lead each of us to that special one of whom He can say, “I will make him a helper comparable to him” (Gen. 2:18).

In Proverbs 30 Agur talks about three things that are too wonderful for him; one of these is "the way of a man with a maid"! The romance of choosing a partner and the way this happens to us as guided by God is something very special for the different individuals involved. Our Lord spent all night in prayer before He chose His disciples; and to be guided into the will of God we need to be similarly exercised in prayer.

How do we see someone else's commitment to the Lord? If we are involved in the Lord's work in whatever capacity our abilities allow, we will meet others who are like minded and this commitment to serve the Lord will flow into our marriage. Let us not deceive ourselves into thinking that an attraction to someone is sufficient and assume that other difficulties will be overcome after we are married.