How can Christian parents deal with empty-nest syndrome?

Parents, let us have faith in our Lord Jesus Christ. Let us not forget this: if we live up to our responsibility (despite all our shortcomings) and bring our children to Him (also in prayer), all can be left in His hands. David once said to Abiathar, who was in the greatest of dangers, ‘Abide with me, fear not; for he that seeks my life seeks thy life; for with me thou art in safe keeping’ (1 Sam. 22:23). His arms are there to hold our children. His hands are there to protect them. He loves them, and His blessing is with them.

With all this there must be constant dependence on God, and unceasing prayer for His blessing. Who shall say what He will not do for those believing parents who in real faith cast their children, the greatest of all their cares, upon Him?

In sickness or in health, in life or in death, the best thing we can do with our children is to commit them to our Lord Jesus Christ.

Of course, Hannah did not forget Samuel. She visited him annually, bringing him a coat, which demonstrated that she remained concerned for his well-being and appearance. As parents, we should always concern ourselves with our children’s spiritual well-being and testimony. Wherever they are, we can pray for them.

Second, Hannah weaned her son (1 Sam. 1:23). Our children cannot rely solely on spiritual food from their parents forever. We have to ‘wean’ them. They need to learn to stand on their own two feet, and feed themselves spiritually. They need to build up their own close relationship to the Lord Jesus. Of course, spiritual weaning is a process which may take some time. We can spend time with our children as they learn to be independent in these matters.

This leads to the third point: Hannah accompanied her son when the day came when he had to leave his father’s house and to go to Shiloh (v. 24). As parents, we should not spiritually abandon our children at a certain point in their lives and immediately expect them to be spiritually independent. Rather, we should ‘accompany’ them where necessary to help them grow in grace and in the knowledge of the Lord Jesus. We should also do this where they are starting something new in their natural lives (e.g. starting school or commencing university). In addition to keeping a loving eye on them, we can ‘accompany’ them from a spiritual perspective by praying with them about issues with which they are being confronted, discussing questions which they may have about God’s Word, etc.

I so feel for our young people now. I feel more for my … than your … It was wisely ordered that through persecution and tribulation we should enter the kingdom. They have the misfortune of seeing Christianity in their parents and friends, which causes them to set out with a low standard. Oh! I feel this; how different our conversation, from what we would that they should consider the Christian's calling! so that the very respect and esteem, it is desirable that they should entertain for us, is against their whole future life; and inasmuch as it is below, and different from, the way in which we set out, so in proportion will their Christianity in some years be below ours. This, with many other things, shows me that even in this relationship we must be resigned to decrease, and let the Lord be all! We often think it is for their good, and the Lord's glory, that we desire to be identified in their minds with the gospel, but our very disappointment when we fail, proves it to be secretly a desire of obtaining for ourselves that worship which is its due and effect. I desire to be willing they should be able to discover both grace, and nature, in me, that my inconsistency may not detract from its glory; and I desire also to be able, now that they have come to full reason, and the Lord has taken them up, I trust, to let go my dominion and too great anxiety over them, and so prove that not for myself, but for Him, I have watched over them. How difficult it is, dear friend, to be only for Him in this world, especially in our service towards them we call our own. We are ready to be interested even for the Lord's work, because the bit he has given us, instead of, because His. Still self, self — we need a heart large enough to embrace the universe, yet contracted enough to lend all its energies and sympathies to each case, "diligently to follow every good work," elastic hearts! … I believe you expected I was to have more leisure up here, than at … quite the contrary, I never had so little leisure or time for communion, in my life! not because of the change of place, but more from the loss of … besides, new situations bring new duties and new trials.

Ans.—The law among men has settled upon ages which are supposed to be ages of discretion, and as a rule such laws are just and wise: on the one hand, condemning lawlessness; on the other, tyranny, for there is danger in both. A refined moral sense will go farther than age limits, and demand subjection in the child during the time of dependence on the parent for support. Where the love of Christ prevails in the family, the children will not be anxious to shake off parental oversight and counsel, but will rather seek, cherish and obey it; nor will parents assert authority unduly, but will rather seek to carefully develop conscience in their children and leave them free, as soon as they deem it safe, to find their own path.

Then we have the relationship between children and their parents, the children being told that they are to obey their parents. This is a divine principle, still valid, and on this principle a great blessing of God has been placed. I would like to repeat this for children here, "Children, obey your parents". I know that this is different in our environment today, but in Christian families this principle should still apply. Then the fathers are told they are not to provoke their children. This is an important exhortation to fathers, we can provoke our children through carnal behaviour, when we want to demonstrate that we are the lord of the house, or we can provoke our children by exaggerating what we require of them, and we can also provoke them if we do not give them increasing liberty when they grow up and need to live a life of their own. So we can see that these two principles are so important in the Christian family, "seek the things above" and "put to death your members which are upon the earth".

If you are a son or a daughter, you have the sense of your duty to your parents, and of their loving interest and regard for you. You have the consciousness of all that without directly thinking of them all day long. They do not engage your thoughts definitely, but still there is the sense that they are about you. It is quite different if they should be removed from this world, but while they are here there is the sense of their presence, even if there is local separation.

What has become of the relationship that existed between you and your son half an hour ago? Has that gone too? Is that severed or interrupted? Surely not. His relationship depends upon his birth; his communion, upon his behaviour.