How can a Christian avoid being a diva?

Bustling self-importance in the work of Christ, or in the church of God, is about the most hideously ugly thing in all this world. Self-occupation is the death-blow to fellowship and to all true service. Nor this only; it is also the fruitful source of strife and division in the church of God. Hence the deep need of those faithful and most wholesome words of the blessed apostle, "If there be therefore any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any bowels and mercies, fulfil ye my joy, that ye be like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. Let nothing be done through strife or vain-glory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every one on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God; but made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men; and being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient to death, even the death of the cross. Wherefore God also has highly exalted him, and given him a name which is above every name; that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of things in heaven, and things in earth, and things under the earth; and that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father."

"But how can I put up with the eccentricities of this brother and of that? Do what I may, he opposes me." Well, you must seek divine grace, which will leave nothing of "me" to be grieved. Dead men don't feel blows. It is your unbroken will — the opposite of meekness — that makes you feel the uncouth conduct of your brother. Thus Moses (remarkable usually for his meekness) lost his temper at Meribah. Let self be narrowly judged, and walk "with all meekness."

"I can bear with that for a day or two; but such persistent naughtiness on the part of those among whom I live, and to whom I minister, exhausts my patience." Indeed? Are you sure you are not the naughty one? Nevertheless, you are to walk with all long-suffering. But again, you are not so much to expect from, as to give to, another. Each is to forbear (or yield to) another in love. The servant of the Lord, above all others, needs this exhortation. His fervent zeal for the glory of the Lord Jesus may begin in the Spirit and end in the flesh. Lowliness, practical humility, not thinking of self at all, are some results of the operation of the Holy Ghost in us; and will effectually displace proud self. If in personal, quiet communion with Christ, the soul feeds upon Himself, zeal will surely be tempered by lowliness. Mere doctrine, as to position and gift, away from Christ, will only inflate a naturally vain nature, and so render the most fervent zeal a fruitful source of dishonour to the name of Christ. Again; the very knowledge of personal responsibility to the Lord, and to no one else — as we hope to see by and by — may induce an over-bearing and naughtiness which would not only damage the spirit of the servant himself, but also render him repulsive to others, and this may creep on very insidiously; the spirit of meekness and gentleness is therefore to be cultivated. "The servant of God must not strive; but be gentle towards all." In that way he will be "apt to teach," being also "patient" (2 Tim. 2:24).

First, such action on our part will require self-discipline or self-judgment, in the measure in which we are concerned for the good of others. Lowliness (v.2) is the willingness to be thought little of, not natural or easy for the flesh, but normal for the one who truly delights in Christ, the meek and lowly One. Meekness is the character that is willing to sacrifice personal rights for the Lord's sake with no selfish resistance. Thus, lowliness gives no offense and meekness takes no offense. Longsuffering continues patiently to bear hard things -- misunderstandings, injustices, even insults -- without frustration or anger. Forbearing. is more than bearing, for it implies no resentful reaction whatever, even inwardly, for it is motivated by genuine love.

Then the apostle shows that the true way to promote unity is through self-effacement. He says, "In lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own qualities, but every man also on those of others" (Phil. 2: 3, 4). The lowly mind does not think of self at all, but only of the good of others. Naturally we find it difficult to lose sight of ourselves and think only of others in love, for the tendency with us all is to attach a certain importance to ourselves. It is easy to assume a lowly manner and to use lowly words; the real difficulty is to have the lowly mind.

We may talk in a lowly way of ourselves, but self-depreciation is no evidence of the lowly mind, rather the reverse. In self-depreciation we are, after all, talking about ourselves, and this may be the worst form of pride — the pride of humility. The lowly mind does not think of self — good or bad — it thinks of others to serve in love. It is the ignoring of self, not the depreciation of self.

This was one of the key character traits of our Lord Jesus when He was here on earth. It was His mind not to seek His own, but that of others (Phil. 2:4–5). This is the best definition of lowliness or humility. It does not mean thinking in a negative and deprecating way of ourselves, but it is not thinking of ourselves at all. We will never be able to do this from within ourselves. This is why our Lord said: ‘Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am meek and lowly in heart’ (Matt. 11:29). It is only as we fix our eyes on Him that this character trait can be developed in us.

Meekness

This again can only be learned if we turn our eyes upon our Lord. To be meek means to react in a tender way if we are attacked by others. A meek person is not weak but someone who reacts in a reserved and gentle manner. When our Lord was reviled, He reviled not again; when He suffered, He threatened not (1 Pet. 2:23). The example of Moses (who was very meek, more than all the men upon the earth; Num. 12:3) makes it very clear that meekness is not a natural characteristic but a virtue that can only be learned in God’s school and exercised by faith. How many quarrels could have been avoided if we had reacted to each other more in meekness (Prov. 15:1).

Here is our example, as Christians; and here, too, the divine antidote against the pride and restless ambition of the men of this world. Nothing is more sad than to witness a pushing, bustling, forward, self-confident spirit and style in those who profess to be followers of Him who was meek and lowly in heart. It is such a flagrant contradiction of the spirit and precepts of Christianity, and is a sure accompaniment of an unbroken condition of soul. It is utterly impossible for any one to indulge in a boastful, pretentious, self-confident spirit, if ever he has really measured himself in the presence of God. To be much alone with God is the sovereign remedy for pride and self-complacency. May we know the reality of this in the secret of our own souls! May the good Lord keep us truly humble, in all our ways, simply leaning on Himself, and very very little in our own eyes!

Lowliness expresses the humility of mind that should characterise believers in their thoughts of themselves, in contrast to the vanity and pride that marks the flesh. Meekness is the spirit of gentleness that should mark us in our bearing towards others — the readiness to give place to others in contrast to the self-assertiveness that seeks a place of prominence. Longsuffering suggests the patient spirit that should mark us in relation to the trying circumstances that we may be called to pass through forbearance, the patience with which we should meet all that is trying in others. Further we are warned that love is to be the true motive in showing forbearance. It is possible to show great forbearance in the presence of insults and yet be acting in a spirit of pride that treats the offending brother with silent contempt. Furthermore, the Christian company is to be marked by unity; but this unity is "the unity of the Spirit," which we are to endeavour to keep. The unity of the Spirit is not the unity of a company of people held together by common opinions, or by a unanimous judgment, which may be far from the mind of the Spirit. It is the unity that is the outcome of being members of the body of Christ and is maintained by the saints walking together according to the one mind of the Spirit. Moreover, this unity of the Spirit is to be maintained in the uniting bond of peace. The danger is that if we are not agreed as to the mind of the Spirit we may fall into contention instead of prayerfully searching the word to learn His mind in the spirit of peace.

What a contrast to turn from all this to the spirit of our blessed Lord, who said when here on earth, “I am among you as He that serves” (Luke 22:27); who declared, “I am meek and lowly in heart” (Matt. 11:29); who stooped in lowly grace to wash the feet of His disciples (John 13:3-10). When the disciples of our Lord quarrelled among themselves as to who should be the greatest, our Lord rebuked them, and showed them where true greatness was to be found. “It shall not be so among you: but whosoever will be great among you, let him be your minister; and whosoever will be chief among you, let him be your servant. Even as the Son of Man came not to be ministered to, but to minister, and to give His life a ransom for many” (Matt. 20:26-28). The Scriptural way to be divinely great is to be little in one’s own eyes, and to have the grace of humility. “Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven” (Matt. 18:4).

Ephesians 4:2 shows the answer to your question. First, you must be right yourself. It is indeed happy to be walking in the Spirit as before the Lord, but the test comes when we meet the flesh in others. How soon flesh is answered by flesh, we know in one’s own experience. How slow we are to suffer what is not of the Spirit. First we are told what we should be lowly and meek. These are two graces that grow on one stem. A lowly person is a meek person, a meek person is a lowly person.

Thus in every step of His path we see the loveliness of the lowly mind that forgets self to serve others in love; as one has said,”Love likes to serve, selfishness likes to be served, and thinks itself exalted when other people are waiting upon it” (J.N.D.). Alas! Our natural tendency is ever to have self before us and seek to make a reputation for self rather than be content to be nothing that Christ may be everything. We forget the Apostle's word, “If a man think himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself” (Gal. 6:3). We may indeed be permitted in our little way to serve, but alas how often we use the very service that the Lord gives us to do for Him, to assert ourselves, exalt ourselves, and work our own wills. We need ever to remember that Christ, not only became a servant, but He also humbled Himself and became obedient. Naturally we like to be lords over God's heritage rather than stoop to serve; naturally we seek to exalt self rather than humble ourselves; and we prefer to do our own wills rather than walk in simple obedience. In the Apostle's day he had to say, “All seek their own,” but in Christ we see One who refused self to seek in love the good of others. Could we live a little more in the presence of the Lord, with Himself before us in all His lowly grace,our selfishness would disappear, and without difficulty we should think of others to serve in love. So acting, strife would disappear and we should find ourselves of one accord. Thus in the first part of the chapter we learn that lowliness is the way of unity.