Does the Bible promise that godly parenting will always result in godly children (Proverbs 22:6)?

But does all this touch, in the most remote way, the solemn responsibility of Christian parents to teach and train their children, diligently and faithfully, from their earliest moments? Most certainly not. Woe be to the parents who, on any plea or on any ground whatsoever, be it one-sided theology, misapplied scripture, or anything else, deny their responsibility, or neglect their plain, bounden duty, in this holy business. True, we cannot make our children Christians; and we ought not to make them formalists or hypocrites. But we are not called to make them anything. We are simply called to do our duty by them, and leave results to God. We are instructed and commanded to bring up our children "in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." When is this "bringing up" to commence? When are we to begin the sacred work of training our little ones? Surely at the beginning. The very moment we enter upon a relationship, we enter also upon the responsibility which that relationship entails. We cannot deny this. We cannot shake it off. We may neglect it, and have to reap the sad consequences of our neglect, in various ways. It is a very serious thing to stand in the sacred relationship of a parent — very interesting and very delightful, no doubt; but most serious because of the responsibility involved. True it is, blessed be God, His grace is sufficient for us, in this, as in all beside; and "If any man lack wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally, and upbraids not; and it shall be given him." "We are not sufficient of ourselves," in this weighty matter, to think or to do anything, as ourselves; but our sufficiency is of God; and He will meet our every need. We have simply to draw upon Him, for exigency of every hour.

Here are, let us suppose, Christian parents with young children. As they gaze upon their loved little ones they realize that they are parents of their flesh — if we may slightly adopt the phrase used in Hebrews 12:9 — and that by heredity their children stand possessed of the same fallen nature as they know to be in themselves, and with probably a strong leaning towards just those passions and sins which they know to their sorrow and shame have been particularly emphasized in their own cases. For themselves they have happy experience of the grace of God and of the regenerating work of the Holy Spirit within, as a result they possess the new nature and by the Spirit given to them as believers they know themselves to be in Christ. As yet, however, they could assert no such things of their children, and they are acutely conscious that new birth and faith in Christ are not transmitted from parent to child. Such is the situation: a situation that may well cause deep and serious exercise of heart.

Surprise is not infrequently expressed by onlookers at the spectacle of young people becoming notorious in ungodliness, and yet springing from eminently godly homes; and it is sometimes suggested — in agreement with the arguments and insinuations of Job's three friends — that the explanation must be that there has been grave sin, or at least grave defect in training, on the part of the parents. If, however, what we have just stated be remembered, as also that it is frequently just those who left unconverted would have been the greatest of sinners, that converted become the most devoted of saints, no surprise need be felt. The children have inherited from their parents the Adamic nature with, probably, an emphasis laid on some particular ugly feature or features which, but for the grace of God, would have been to the fore in the case of their parents; and so they will continue until grace intervenes also with them.

The children of believers are, of course, naturally like other children. The nature we can impart is the old, and not the new: to have this, they must be born again, as all must. Nor does it follow necessarily, as we know, that because a man is saved his house must be. But if with faith in God there be faithfulness in the place in which God has put us, He has promised, "Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it." Here is the thing, no doubt, which tests us; for it is not our words only that have fruit in this way; it is the combined influence of our words and ways. That three days' remove from Egypt, if really taken, will have immense effect. And that we have come out to keep a feast to the Lord will give the positive side, without which separation from the world becomes a mere cold and hard asceticism.

Again, parents often adopt too Calvinistic a view as to their children’s salvation, and consequently fail to maintain that prayerful solicitude and earnest watchfulness that is so needful. It is true that by virtue of their relationship the unconverted partners and the children of believers are relatively “holy” (1 Cor. 7:4), and that a principle runs through Scripture that households are more or less bound up with the heads thereof for blessing or for judgment. In Acts 16 the whole household, wakened no doubt by the earthquake, would in all probability be present when Paul and Silas gave their memorable answer to the jailer’s question. The way of salvation was presented to them all, and all believed. We are surely not to understand that the parent believed, and could then hold God to that verse for the salvation of his household. Such an interpretation is too mechanical. Nor is it justified by facts, else the converted descendants of Christian parents would increase by arithmetical progression. But that this is not so, we know, alas, too well.

A few of the warnings of Scripture will but fortify the above conclusions. The most solemn one is perhaps that of Eli; and it is all the more solemn from the fact that personally he was such a pious and devoted man. In all Scripture a more godly man than Eli could scarcely be discovered. The Lord, and the Lord's things, had the chief place in his heart; and yet, alas! weak in his affections, he utterly failed to maintain his parental (as well also as his priestly) authority. "His sons made themselves vile, and he restrained them not"; and his failure, all the greater from the position he occupied as the high-priest, brought down upon him the sure and swift judgment of God. Samuel seems to have failed in the same way, for the complaint of the children of Israel was that his sons did not walk in his ways, and the Spirit of God records that they did not. (1 Samuel 8:3.) But this, it may be said, was due to their own perversity. True that they were perverse; still the Scripture says, "Train up a child in the way he shall go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it." If, therefore, the children of godly parents do not follow them in their walk, it is because they have not been trained up in the way they should go, whatever diligent efforts may have been put forth to this end. There could not be failure on God's side.

Perhaps the saddest part of this whole sad story, and the most surprising, is that Samuel himself does not seem to have learned this lesson, in spite of all he had heard and seen. When he was old, Samuel "made his sons judges over Israel … and his sons walked not in his ways, but turned aside after lucre, and took bribes, and perverted judgment." (1 Sam. 8:1-3). Godliness is not inherited, and it is only by constant watchful, prayerful care that we can hope to train up our children in the way they should go.

The children of believers are of course like others: we impart to them the old nature; the new is only given of God. In this respect they differ in nothing from others. The universal law, "Except a man be born again, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God" applies to them as to others." Nor does it follow as a matter of course, that if a man is saved himself, his house will be. In Abraham's case pattern as he is in so many ways for the believer — God says: "I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the Lord … that the Lord may bring upon Abraham that which He hath spoken of him."

Thus we have a clear testimony of Abraham's exercise of authority over his household and their keeping the way of the Lord connected with the fulfilment of the promise to him. The wise man's saying also is, "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." Here is the thing which tests us; and here, as elsewhere, what we sow, especially in the ductile mind of a child, we do not fail to reap. But it is not our words only that bear fruit: it is the combined influence of our words and ways. That three days' remove from Egypt, if really taken, will have immense effect. If not, teaching as to Egypt will not avail. The coming out to keep a feast to the Lord will give the positive side of this, and prevent the other from being a cold and hard asceticism. Let but this be real, it will not fail to have its effect; and though we may have short-comings to mourn over, and faith too may be tried in us, the Lord we serve is tender and pitiful, and faith that counts upon Him will not count in vain.

But these meditations were supposed to be on the relation of parent to child, and I seem to have forgotten that entirely. What is the lesson for us in this aspect? I think it is this: "Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it." (Prov. 22:6). He may wander from the path for a time in self-will, and yield to the flesh: but when he is old, the Lord will bring him back to the early training, and he will walk in "the way he should go." I think, I hope, that is the lesson in this story. At least, that is the lesson I have taken from it, and I do not think my Lord will reproach me for having done so.

Another Scripture we do well to seriously ponder is Proverbs 19:18: "Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying." We can bend the twig when it is young and green, but soon it gets hard and brittle, and there is no hope to bend it then. There is hope for the children when they are young, and surely that is the time to chasten them. There may be times, even when they are older, when there must be spanking: but it is a much more trying ordeal for both parent and child, than when they were little. Let us remember how quickly the time when "there is hope" passes away, and let us take advantage of it for this painful side of the training; so that later on it may not be needed.

There is one more Scripture which we have spoken of already but which I would like to remind you of again before we leave this most practical Book, and it is Proverbs 22:6: "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." This seems to me to be a very encouraging promise for the parents, and one that we may well take to heart to cheer us on the way, as we seek to train up our children in the way they should go.

Early training, whatever the exceptions, has its good result. Train up the lad according to his course; and when he is old, he will not depart from it. So it was with Isaac thus trained by his father. Solomon's course was a much more chequered one, though we may hope there was repentance.