Does the Bible advocate arranged marriages?

"For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shall be joined unto his wife and they two shall be one flesh." Ephesians 5 v 31.

There is only one ideal for marriage running right through the Scriptures, and that is one man joined to one woman. Nowhere do we get the idea that we should try various partners before choosing the right one. We see that the selection of a partner was often made by parents, or sometimes as a reward; but the suggestion in the New Testament is of the choice of two people to come together of their own free will; only in the will of the Lord.

"She is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord." 1 Corinthians 7 v 39. This is the usual practice in the Christian Church and is in line with Scripture.

Verses 36-38. "But if any one think that he is behaving uncomely toward his virgin," etc. The doctrine of these verses seems to be as follows: Paul had distinctly affirmed the excellency of single in comparison with married life, dwelling more especially upon the case of virgins. Now a virgin is at the disposal of her parent. Should he, then, determine not to give her away in marriage? That, he affirms, would, as a rule, be the better way. (v. 38.) But arbitrary decisions, which are established only by the sacrifice of others' happiness, are never pleasing in the sight of God. There must be no tears upon His altars.4 Let the Christian father, then, have due respect to the affections of his child. He should, indeed, commend to her the higher path; but let him not turn a privilege into a punishment, by condemning her to an unwilling celibacy. It were less comely to be a repining virgin than a rejoicing bride. Let him act, then, in such a case, as nature prompts, and God allows. Parental authority should never be so exercised as to provoke a just anger in the child.5 There is no sin in this question, and God is to be remembered in His gifts.6 Let them marry. But where the daughter is willing to remain a virgin, and no moral necessity dissuades the parent from the "better "course, let not the ordinary objects of matrimonial alliance, such as provision for life, advancement in the world, etc., be listened to by a Christian parent in the interests of his child. She cannot elsewhere fill so honourable a place as that of an undistracted handmaid of the Lord. Let her parent prefer this for her, while he has the liberty of choice. But the engagement of her affections to another would be a necessity to which he ought to yield, and in giving her in marriage in such case he would be doing well. He would do better to withhold her than to give her, if no will but his own had to be sacrificed; but his virgin must not be his victim also.

The marriage of Adam is the prototype of the marriage of all his sons. In every case of true matrimony, God arranges the union. Divine wisdom observes the moment when the loneliness of the man is no longer good for him, and He provides a bride who is the complement of his nature with its personal characteristics. Adam had no choice of brides; there was but the one that would suit him, and she was prepared of God especially for him. Adam had no rivals for the possession of Eve. Nor can such a thing be imagined in Eden, where each of the two found in the other everything required to complete their enjoyment and to perfect their capacities. There was no alternative that either could have chosen or found.

It cannot be insisted too strongly that this is a relationship of grace. No thought of merit on Adam's part is suggested, when God, in His solicitous care, made the woman, "and brought her unto the man" (Gen. 2:22). This was a provision entirely by the goodness of God. Both the man and the woman were in a position to do nothing but thank God that this gracious union was His sovereign work. Adam was not able to choose a wife as he pleased, nor was Eve able to choose her own husband. God had arranged this marriage. How good too that His grace alone brings guilty sinners to His Son, and unites with Him His chosen Bride.

Is this not the pattern of every true marriage? In His sovereign wisdom and providence, does He not, at his own time, and in His own way, bring together two young lives (or older), and where there is true faith in Him, give them both the clear assurance of His own leading, that they may with confidence be joined together "in the Lord"? May the young believer settle for nothing less than this, for otherwise he may find the results tragic in the extreme.

The servant asks the pertinent question as to whether they “will deal kindly and truly” with his master. He desires an immediate answer, for if not, he would go elsewhere. It is good that Laban and Bethuel perceived that this whole matter had been ordered by the Lord (v. 50), and they realize that they must not interfere with the Lord's working. They are willing to give Rebekah up without question. Later Laban was ready to bargain with Jacob when Jacob desired Laban's daughter, but there is no suggestion of any such legal agreement in the case of Rebekah, but rather a true representation of the proper character of marriage. For marriage is a relationship of grace. “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor (grace) from the Lord” (Prov. 18:22). To pay for a wife therefore is an insult to her and contrary to God's word.

The servant asks the pertinent question as to whether they "will deal kindly and truly" with his master. He desires an immediate answer, for if not, he would go elsewhere. It is good that Laban and Bethuel perceived that this whole matter had been ordered by the Lord (v.50), and they realize that they must not interfere with the Lord's working. They are willing to give Rebekah up without question. Later Laban was ready to bargain with Jacob when Jacob desired Laban's daughter, but there is no suggestion of any such legal agreement in the case of Rebekah, but rather a true representation of the proper character of marriage. For marriage is a relationship of grace. "He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor (grace) from the Lord" (Prov.18:22). To pay for a wife therefore is an insult to her and contrary to God's word.

First there was Adam, who was one man at least who could not possibly have had two wives, he was given one wife and he had no choice. There was an example right from the very beginning that it was not God's idea that men should have more than one wife, but "therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh". Now this was badly abused later on, but take another case that is most beautiful, probably one of the most beautiful pictures of the church, that of Isaac (chapter 24) and how the servant was sent by the father to receive the bride for his son. Isaac stayed at home and God's leading was seen in the servant who brought the bride to him, and we are told that Isaac loved her and she comforted him after his mother's death. Isaac is one man we read of who had only one wife. Men go shopping around looking for what they want, and when they get what they want they are not satisfied, that is the way of men, but if it is only my own choice that I think of I will not be satisfied. This attitude is foolish: if we desire a relationship, it is God who provides the bride. In that case we are told that Rebekah was asked, "Wilt thou go with this man?" and she said, "I will go". There was no question of money being involved at all, although gifts were given in both directions, but that is perfectly right.

That was a great moment in the life of Isaac, an occasion of great meaning. So in his acceptance of Rebecca. See Gen. 24. In his taking a wife, not of all whom he chose, but of his father's providing, we may trace the same strong hand over him. There might easily have been more of human submissiveness and filial piety in this, than in the case of the sacrifice on Mount Moriah, we may surely allow; but still this was a sealing time as well as the other. This marriage was a type or mystery, as well as that sacrifice. The wife brought home to the son and heir of the father, by the servant who was in the full confidence and secret of the father, this was a mystery — and the material must comply again, and take the impression from the hand that was using it. The potter was making vessels for the use of the household, and the clay must yield. The prophet's children, ages afterwards, had names given them, as the Lord pleased, and the prophet had to say of them, Behold, I and the children whom the Lord hath given me are for signs and for wonders. Isa. 8. And so, Isaac and Rebecca, in the day and circumstances of their marriage, were a type, "for a sign and a wonder." This was their chief dignity; they tell the mysteries of God. They are parables as well as mysteries. They were events set in time or in the progress of the earth's history, as the sun and moon and stars are set in the heavens, for signs. Each of them has a writing on it under the hand of God. "I will engrave the graving thereof, saith the Lord of hosts;" for on these events He has impressed the image of some of His everlasting counsels.

Abraham required his servant to swear by the God of heaven and earth that he would not take a wife for Isaac from the Canaanites, but one from Abraham's own family. The bride of Christ, the Church, is not from the ungodly, Satan-energized world, but from the family of faith. On the other hand, the servant is told not to think of taking Isaac back to Mesopotamia: rather he must take the bride to Isaac (v. 6). Abraham had confidence that the Lord God of heaven would send an angel before the servant to guide him clearly in regard to the choice of Isaac's wife (v. 7).

Abraham required his servant to swear by the God of heaven and earth that he would not take a wife for Isaac from the Canaanites, but one from Abraham's own family. The bride of Christ, the Church, is not from the ungodly, Satan-energized world, but from the family of faith. On the other hand, the servant is told not to think of taking Isaac back to Mesopotamia: rather he must take the bride to Isaac (v.6). Abraham had confidence that the Lord God of heaven would send an angel before the servant to guide him clearly in regard to the choice of Isaac's wife (v.7).