Does marriage hinder your relationship with God?

And there was another matter also to be considered; the great and important thing in his eyes was that people should live without care, — without that weight of anxiety which would disturb them in their walk with God. As a fact, he is not speaking of what should be or what need be, but what is so often found. The unmarried would be naturally careful for the things of the Lord, to please Him — he has no one else to please. If a man is married, he has, on the other hand, plainly, another to please, and thus he is tempted at least to care for the things of the world in order to please his wife. So with a woman, in the same way. The one who is free from everything of this sort can be careful for the things of the Lord alone. She that is married is apt to be careful for the things of the world, just with the desire, and a not unreasonable desire, to please her husband. He is not saying this, as he declares again, constantly guarding it, for anything but for their profit. He does not want to lay down rules, the observation of which might only be a snare to them, but he wants them to seek, whatever their course may be, to serve the Lord without distraction. There was no sin, as he insists again, there was no kind of sin in marriage; but if a man had no need of it, if he had authority over himself and had judged in his heart to remain so, he did well. So, on the other hand, he says, the one who marries does well, although if he does not, he may do better. Once in the bond of marriage the Lord's will was already declared, wife or husband were bound unto death. if the husband were fallen asleep, the wife was still free to be married to whom she would; (thus the apostle declares positively as to the lawfulness of second marriages;) but he puts in the condition that it was to be only in the Lord, which does not mean simply that she was to be only married to a Christian, though that of course, but as seeking the Lord's guidance about it and therefore in obedience to Him, as the whole Christian life should be. The happier course, according to his judgment, was for her to remain unmarried. He thinks that he could surely speak as one having the Spirit of God, but there he leaves it.

Verses 32, 33. "But I would have you without carefulness," etc. Again returning to the subject of marriage, he here presents, in immediate connection with the preceding general reflections, a new topic of consideration to those who might be contemplating this important step. Time, with its opportunities, is short, and should not be encumbered with unnecessary cares. He had spoken of the troubles naturally incident to married life; he now dwells on its distractions from the single-eyed service of the Lord. The apostle speaks here affirmatively, because he is estimating Christian character, not as it too often shows itself, but at its value as a just effect of faith. The unmarried saint is joined to his Redeemer, and seeks to please Him by caring for His things. Let him reflect, then, before voluntarily changing his condition, on the obstructions to his customary service which marriage must involve. For marriage, once contracted, has its claims, which cannot be rightly disregarded. It is not exactly as a reproach that he adds, "The married man cares for the world," etc. Within due limits, this is right in his position. He is no longer free, as heretofore; nor may he deny his wife, even for Christ's sake, as he might deny himself. To love his wife, and honour her, are now among the settled duties of his place; and in discharging them, he may find himself both lower and less happy, spiritually, than when he lived only for the Lord.

There is a similar difference1 between the virgin and the wife (verse 34). The former is devotedly the Lord's, and consecrates herself to Him to whom she is joined in one Spirit; caring for His things, and watchfully pursuing the way of personal holiness as a blameless handmaid of the Lord. Let her weigh this well when sought in marriage, and not surrender lightly the place she already holds in God's household. For the wife, though holy, is by her calling rather a "Martha" than a "Mary."2 She cares for and obeys her husband; and because to please him is her proper aim, she cares also for the things of the world. To think now of the things of Christ, in the spirit of her virgin liberty, would be to fail in her duties as a wife. For she is no longer now her own. And although both she and her husband be "heirs together of the grace of life,"3 and marriage has with its burdens many a blessing also for those who keep the way of God, it cannot and must not be a state of entire personal freedom.

Verse 35. "And this I say for your own profit," etc. Having set the better way before them, he now apologizes for his words, while still maintaining his position. He speaks only in their interest as his spiritual children, not to ensnare them in rash purposes, or that they should bind themselves heedlessly to resolutions which might prove galling to their flesh. But there is a spiritual comeliness of which he was himself enamoured, and by which he would gladly see them captivated also — that if strength were given them of God, they might emulate him in the race of single-hearted zeal. To Paul, to live was Christ; would not they desire also to wait upon the Lord without distraction? He would not doubt it; for such love as his could never bear to think disparagingly of his fellow-saints. But this was a matter in which other interests and inclinations than those of the individual saint might be involved. And so he proceeds:

Paul's own concern was to have the Corinthians without carefulness, not held back by the cares of this life. From his own point of view, one who was unmarried cared for the things of the Lord, and as to how he could please the Lord. If this is the wholehearted exercise of one unmarried, it is well indeed. Of course it does not follow that this is always the case. A believer may be unmarried for other reasons, and not really making the Lord the supreme object of his life. But he does not have the care of a wife to occupy his time and attention, and therefore should have more time for the Lord. If one is married, he is responsible to properly care for his wife, and some of his time at least must be spent in pleasing her. Of course we know that, in spite of this, many men who have wives have been greatly used and blessed of God, more than many others who have remained unmarried. On the other hand, some have remained unmarried with the sole intention of devotedness to the Lord, and it is this that the apostle recommends, for he himself was an honest example of such devotion.

"But I would have you to be without care. The unmarried cares for the things of the Lord, how he shall please the Lord; but he that has married cares for the things of the world how he shall please his wife. Divided also is both the wife and the virgin: the unmarried cares for the things of the Lord that she may be holy both† in body and in spirit; but she that has married cares for the things of the world how she shall please her husband. But this I say for your own profit, not that I may cast a snare [lit. a noose] over you, but for what [is] seemly and waiting on‡ the Lord undistractedly." (Vers. 32-35.) Here the apostle urges the greater exemption from earthly anxiety for serving and pleasing the Lord, which the single man or woman enjoys as compared with the married. There is less weight in the race and less distraction from the goal. Yet even here the apostle speaks with caution and delicacy. He would not entangle any, he sought their welfare with a view to seemliness and undistracted attendance on the Lord.

The apostle had spoken of marriage, of the unmarried and of widows; he had been questioned also with respect to those who had never entered into any relationship with woman. On this point he had no commandment from the Lord. He could only give his judgment as one who had received mercy of the Lord to be faithful. It was good to remain in that condition, seeing what the world was and the difficulties of a christian life. If they were bound to a wife, let them not seek to be loosed. If free, they would do well to remain so. Thus if they married, they did well; not marrying, they did better. He who had not known a woman did not sin if he married, but he should have trouble after the flesh in his life here below. (It will be observed, that it is not the daughter of a Christian that is here spoken of, but his own personal condition.) If he stood firm, and had power over his own will, it was the better way; if he married, he still did well; if he did not marry, it was better. It was the same with a woman; and if the apostle said that according to his judgment it was better, he had the Spirit of God. His experience — if he had no commandment — had not been gained without the Spirit, but it was that of a man who could say (if any one had a right to say it) that he had the Spirit of God.

Moreover the time was short: the married were to be as having no wives; buyers, as having no possession; they who used the world, not using it as though it were theirs. Only the apostle would have them without carefulness or distraction, that they might serve the Lord. If by reckoning themselves dead to nature this effect was not produced, they gained nothing, they lost by it. When married they were pre-occupied with things below, in order to please their wives and to provide for their children. But they enjoyed a repose of mind, in which nature did not claim her rights with a will that they had failed to silence, and holiness of walk and of heart was maintained. If the will of nature was subjugated and silenced, they served the Lord without distraction, they lived according to the Spirit and not according to nature, even in those things which God had ordained as good with respect to nature.

Verse 28. "But if thou marry, thou hast not sinned," etc. While maintaining the honour of marriage, he clearly intimates the preference of his spiritual judgment for a single life. The reason has been already stated. Christ did not die and rise again to settle His disciples upon earth, but to make them meet for their expected transference to heaven.8 Till then they would best serve Him who were least impeded by the cares and troubles of this life. But to wed is to invite these cares. Such, therefore, shall have trouble in the flesh. A new "necessity" will supersede the old. Thus he sets before us counsel which, if followed in the enabling strength of God, will be for profit and for praise. But it is a counsel which bears with so unwelcome a restraint upon the heart and frame of nature, that he could not but have felt that the permission of God's primal ordinance would, even by those who confessed that they were dead, and tasted their true liberty and joy in the knowledge of their union with a risen Saviour, be generally followed rather than the apostolic warning. And as an imitator of Him who marked, without upbraiding it, the weakness of the flesh, his sympathies are with the weak. To be truthful, he shows them the effect of marriage; but in refusing to dilate on such a theme, he spares himself as well as them.

(Vv. 25-34). The Apostle has spoken to those called in the marriage relationship; now he gives his advice to the unmarried. On account of the present condition of the world in all its distresses and necessities, and that the time is short, and its weeping and rejoicing will soon be over — for the fashion of this world is passing — he judges that it is good for a Christian to be free from earthly ties. This, however, does not mean that if a man is bound to a wife he is to seek to be free, but if free it is better to remain so. Nevertheless, Christians who enter upon the married state do no wrong, but they will have trouble in the flesh and add to their cares. The Apostle would, as far as possible, have us without care, so that we might undistractedly serve the Lord. Naturally, and so far rightly, the married seek to please each other, whereas the unmarried are more free to serve the Lord undistractedly in spirit and in body.

(Vv. 35-40). In thus speaking the Apostle has our profit in view. He has no wish to cast a snare before us that may lead us into the delusion of being monks or nuns, which has led to so much corruption in a large part of professing Christendom. He leaves all free to marry, and adds a word as to the widow, about whom a question may arise, that she is free to marry — only let it be “in the Lord”. But he judges that he has the mind of the Lord in thinking she would be happier to remain free.

It seems pretty clear that in this passage the word, "virgin" is used as covering the unmarried of either sex. The Apostle's teaching may be summarized in this: that marriage is good, as is every divine institution; it is wholly right and permissible; yet that to remain in the unmarried state is better, if it is maintained in order to be more wholly at the Lord's disposal for His interests. If such do not "attend upon the Lord without distraction," their celibacy may only cast a snare upon them.

Now let it be noted that this is the point of view maintained all through the chapter. If the married couple separate it is to be as giving themselves to fasting and prayer. If in a mixed marriage the converted partner goes on peacefully and patiently with the unconverted, it is as seeking the Lord's glory in his or her salvation. If the slave, being converted goes on humbly and contentedly with his menial occupations, it is because therein he abides with God. If the "virgin" remains unmarried, it is because he or she aims at being without worldly care, only caring for holiness and the service of the Lord. If the widow remarries, she does so "in the Lord;" which means, according to His will and direction.

25 Now concerning virgins command of [the] Lord have I none, but I give an opinion as having received mercy of [the] Lord to be faithful. 26 I think then that this is good because of the present necessity, that [it is] good for a man to be so. 27 Art thou bound to a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife. 28 But if even thou shouldest have married, thou didst not sin; and if the virgin should have married, she did not sin. But such shall have tribulation in the flesh: but I am sparing you. 29 But this I say, brethren, the season is straitened: henceforth that both those that have wives be as having none, 30 and those that weep as weeping not, and those that rejoice as rejoicing not, and those that buy as possessing not, 31 and those that use the world as not using [it] for themselves; for the fashion of the world passes away. 32 But I would have you to be without care. The unmarried cares for the things of the Lord, how he shall please the Lord; 33 but he that has married cares for the things of the world how he shall please his wife. 34 Divided also is both the wife and the virgin: the unmarried cares for the things of the Lord that she may be holy both in body and in spirit; but she that has married cares for the things of the world how she shall please her husband. 35 But this I say for your own profit, not that I may cast a snare [lit. a noose] over you, but for what [is] seemly and waiting on the Lord undistractedly.

The Apostle speaks for spiritual power and for order, "Every man has his own gift"; but it is a gift. He wills that men marry as a rule, but tells them that the married man cares for the things of the world, that they will have trouble in the flesh, but he spares them.