Do wives have to obey their husbands?

It is often commented on that it does not say, "Wives, obey your husbands," as though they were children or servants. In Ephesians 6 you have "Children, obey your parents" — that is a question of authority, and rightly so; and then in Ephesians 5, "Servants, be obedient to your masters" comes in again. But with the wives — "Submit yourselves to your own husbands." … It is not a question of obeying exactly, but the husband regards the wife as given to him of God to be his helper in the partnership.

Children, being born into the subordinate place, and servants — or rather slaves, since hired servants were unknown in those times — being in the same place either by birth, or purchase, or as prisoners of war, could not be told to accept or take that place by submitting themselves to their superiors, because they were already in it, independently of their own consent. It is not so with wives. They have become so by their own free consent, and knowing beforehand the character and duties of their place.

Submitting myself to another means accepting and taking a subordinate place under another person's lawful authority over me. Obedience means behaving and acting according to that place — no matter whether I am in it by my own choice or through necessity — by submitting my will to the will of the one who is in authority over me. Submission and obedience, in a natural sense, are not necessarily identical. There may be an outward submission without real obedience. In the Christian sense, both are a matter of the heart, as being done to the Lord.

She obeyed Abraham, calling him "lord." The occasion of this is seen in Genesis 18:12, when Sarah spoke within herself, not out loud — which shows this was a willing, habitual practice, not adopted because others were listening. … But subjection is not terror; it has in it rather the calm dignity of faith and of courage, not a slavish servility.

The wife is indeed told to obey, but it is on the ground of the place she occupies. … The obedience required of the wife is then seen to be what should flow out of the position in which she is set — the natural fruit of the relationship.

The Christian wife may have a husband, and it may be very painful and hard to bear it all. Perhaps he makes nothing of you, and often asks what is unreasonable. But what will make the burden light, though still felt? "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord." I am to submit to my husband as to the Lord. Let me only see the Lord in the matter, instead of his thoughtlessness and bad temper, and my path is plain. It is made a matter not of mere duty, but of confidence in the Lord as above everything in His love, care, and government.

If the will of the husband should interfere with the wife's individual responsibility to the Lord — should come into conflict with the Lord's will as expressed in His word — if she is forced to choose between obedience to her husband and disobedience to the Lord, then the Lord must have the supreme claim. With this single exception her submission to her husband must be complete.

Subjection, remember, does not mean inferiority. In business partnerships two men may be equal partners, and yet one is recognised as the senior with whom the final decision rests. … If the husband loves and honours his wife as a fellow-heir and partner, and she honours and obeys him, an ideal marriage is the result.