What does the Bible say about toxic relationships?

"Rob not the poor, because he [is] poor, neither oppress the afflicted in the gate; for Jehovah will plead their cause, and despoil the soul of those that despoil them. "Make no friendship with an angry man, and go not with a furious man; lest thou learn his paths, and get a snare to thy soul. "Be not of those that strike hands, of those that are sureties for debts; if thou hast nothing to pay, why should he take away thy bed from under thee? "Remove not the ancient landmark which thy fathers have set." "Hast thou seen a man diligent in his work? He shall stand before kings, he shall not stand before the obscure." vv. 22-29.

A man who easily loses his temper is certainly not fit to be one's friend (v. 24). Even if he is with such a man when the man's rage causes injury or death to another, he will find himself under the same accusation as the furious man. Or, he may find that he becomes the victim of the angry man's rage. Or he may learn the angry man's ways, and his soul be snared in such evil (v. 25).

With one given to anger, it is hard to keep friends, and unsafe to make a friend; and to go with a furious soul is to run the risk of learning his ways, and thus to get a snare instead of a deterrent. Let not the sun go down upon your wrath, says the Apostle; not to hear him in this is to give place to the devil. Even if we have grave reason, the only right Christian feeling is to forgive; and if you forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your heavenly Father forgive your trespasses. You who are slow to forget your wrongs, perhaps imaginary, do you believe Christ's words?

What leads to unequal yokes with the world is the first step of companionship with the world, with the unsaved. Therefore, it is most important that Christians be very careful as to whom they have companionship with. The Psalmist said, "I am a companion of all them that fear thee, and of them that keep thy precepts" (Ps. 119:63). Make the Lord Jesus your chief companion and all those that love and fear Him and keep His word your friends and companions. We are affected by the company we keep. "Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners" (1 Cor. 15:33). "He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed" (Prov. 13:20). If a believer has companionship with those who are of the world and love its evil course, he will soon be worldly minded and mixed up with the world system himself.

Select only decided Christians to be your friends. Be sure your companions are strongly on the Lord's side. A man is known by the company he keeps. Stay clear of people with loose opinions and lax morals. Your companions will influence you either for good or for evil.

Sometimes, most subtle and dangerous of all, we entertain the idea that if only we join with our former ungodly associates we shall thereby more effectually gain their ear and influence them for good. This is a great mistake. We shall not lift them up. They will drag us down.

This may be illustrated from other scriptures. The apostle Paul writes, "Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel" (complaint) "against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye." (Col. 3:13) The Lord says, "Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him. And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him." (Luke 17:3-4.) From the first of these passages we learn that we must always cherish a spirit of forgiveness, that whenever we have a complaint against anyone we must in our hearts hold him as forgiven; and from the second we gather when the forgiveness is to be expressed; viz., on the confession of the sin on the part of the one against whom our complaint lies. So with respect to love. Nothing will justify our ceasing to love our brethren; but the love can only be exhibited in the channel of obedience to the word of God. If therefore a saint of God is living in manifest disobedience, I dare not associate myself with him in his disobedience, or I should falsify the whole principle of love as here laid down for our guidance and instruction.

The next exhortation has reference to our conduct towards our fellow Christians, who may be trying and difficult to get on with. Our conduct to such is to be “with long suffering, forbearing one another in love” (Eph. 4:2). Long-suffering does not mean to bear something once or twice, and then think we have done nobly, but to be prepared to put up with a trying brother, or sister for years, if needs be. The difficult thing is to forbear IN LOVE. We get an example in this when Peter asked the Lord if he should forgive his brother, who had sinned against him, up to seven times. Our Lord replied, “I say not unto thee, Until seven times; but, Until seventy times seven” (Matt. 18:22).

But now a word as to what follows. It is the very pith and essence of that which concerns our relation towards others here below; the great active principle from which all right conduct flows. This is the question of the true character and limits of love. "Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour and hate thine enemy" (ver. 43). This was the expression that the Jews drew from the general tenor of the law. There had been the sanction of God for the extermination of their enemies; and from that they drew the principle, "Thou shalt love thy neighbour and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you and persecute you." Here was a thing that the law never could teach — it is grace. In a thousand practical instances, the question is not whether the thing is right. We often hear Christians asking, Is such a thing wrong? But this is not the sole question for the Christian. Suppose wrong is done him; what is to be his feeling then? If there is enmity to him in another, what is he to cherish in his own heart? "Love your enemies … do good to them that hate you … that ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven;" thus they show in practical ways that they belong to such a parentage, "For He maketh His sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust … Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect" (vers. 44-48).

This has no reference to the question of whether there is sin in our nature or not. There is always the evil principle in a man as long as he lives here below. But what the Lord insists on is this: Our Father is the perfect pattern in His ways with His enemies now, and He calls upon us to be thorough in that same grace and love in which our Father deals. It is in pointed contrast with the Jew, or with anything that had been enjoined before. Abraham was not called to walk in this way. He was, I believe, justified in arming his servants for the recovery of Lot; as were the Israelites in taking up the sword against the Canaanites. But we are called on (as a rule of Christian life, as that which governs our thoughts and feelings and ways) to walk on the principle of gracious long-suffering. We are in the midst of the enemies of Christ, of our enemies too because of Him. It may not come out at once, nor always. Persecution may pass out of fashion, but the enmity is always there; and if God were only to remove certain restraints, the old hatred would burst out as ever. Nevertheless, only one course is open to the Christian who desires to walk as Christ walked; "Love your enemies;" and this really not by a mere show of smooth ways or words. We know that, in certain cases, to go and speak to an angry person would only draw out bitterness of wrath, and there the right course would be to keep away; but under all circumstances there should be all readiness to seek the blessing of our adversary. To do real kindness to one who has injured me, even if it should never be known by a creature upon earth, is the only thing worthy of a Christian. The Lord thus gives us opportunities of showing love to those that hate us. When the provocation occurs, we should have it settled in our souls that the Christian is here for the purpose of expressing Christ; for indeed we are His epistle, known and read of all men. We ought to desire to reflect what Christ would have done under the same circumstances.

8 But I say to the unmarried and to widows: It is good for them that they remain even as I. 9 But if they have not continency let them marry, for it is better to marry than to burn. 10 But to the married not I enjoin but the Lord, that wife be not separated from husband 11 (but if also she be separated, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband), and that husband leave [or, put away] not wife. 12 But to the rest I say, not the Lord, if any brother has an unbelieving wife, and she consent to dwell with him, let him not leave [or, put away] her; 13 and a woman which has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to dwell with her, let her not leave [or, put away] him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified in the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified in the brother; since then your children are unclean, but now are they holy. 15 But if the unbelieving separates himself, let him be separated. The brother or the sister is not in bondage in such [circumstances]: but God has called us in peace. 16 For what knowest thou, O wife, if thou shalt save thy husband? or what knowest thou, O husband, if thou shalt save thy wife?