What does the Bible say about sex before marriage / premarital sex?

But what has become of marriage through sin! It was not the will of God that Lamech, Abraham, Jacob, Solomon and other men of the Old Testament should have several wives at the same time, and this only brought distress into their families. How serious was the adultery David committed with Bathsheba! And how are things today with regard to matrimonial morals-not only in the world, but also among Christians? In recent decades Biblical standards in society have been systematically done away with in this area too.

In God's sight immoral behaviour is so abominable that Paul had to write to Ephesus: "But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints" (Eph. 5: 3). This means that we should not mention these things frivolously and so make little of them. The Bible speaks very clearly as to God's judgment about these sins. Holy Scripture not only calls prostitution fornication, but all extramarital intercourse, even where there may be the intention to get married, and even if it is done only once (cf. Gen. 34 and 38). In the world today the word fornication is only used in connection with the first meaning. In the New Testament, however, extramarital intercourse in general is called fornication, that of married persons is called adultery, and both are condemned as abominable sin (Matt. 15: 19; 1 Cor. 6: 9; Heb. 13: 4).

But what has become of marriage through sin! It was not the will of God that Lamech, Abraham, Jacob, Solomon and other men of the Old Testament should have several wives at the same time, and this only brought distress into their families. How serious was the adultery David committed with Bathsheba! And how are things today with regard to matrimonial morals — not only in the world, but also among Christians? In recent decades Biblical standards in society have been systematically done away with in this area too.

In God's sight immoral behaviour is so abominable that Paul had to write to Ephesus: “But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints” (Eph. 5:3). This means that we should not mention these things frivolously and so make little of them. The Bible speaks very clearly as to God's judgment about these sins. Holy Scripture not only calls prostitution fornication, but all extramarital intercourse, even where there may be the intention to get married, and even if it is done only once (cf. Gen. 34 and 38). In the world today the word fornication is only used in connection with the first meaning. In the New Testament, however, extramarital intercourse in general is called fornication, that of married persons is called adultery, and both are condemned as abominable sin (Matt. 15:19; 1 Cor. 6:9; Heb. 13:4).

The whole of Scripture is full of the errors of fornication (Acts 15 v 29) and adultery (Exodus 20 v 14). The first is sexual relationship outside of marriage and the second sexual relationship with a married person. We must clearly state that physical affection is only intended by God for one man and one woman and that within the confines of marriage and to a very limited extent by a couple committed to marriage (see previous chapter).

As part of the blessing of marriage God has given us the pleasure of showing love through physical union and the freedom of the display of mutual affection; all within the bounds of a secure relationship.

In the marriage relationship there is complete freedom in this respect but outside marriage this is forbidden as we can clearly see from our scripture. The world does not see this distinction and the holiness and purity that God intended is destroyed. This relaxation of God's standard where physical relationships are entered into wherever and with whoever one chooses, can only bring guilt and misery.

If a man and woman who were not married nor engaged were guilty of having sexual intercourse, the man must pay fifty shekels of silver to the woman's father and keep her as his wife, being forbidden to ever divorce her (vs.28-29). In all of these things God shows the seriousness of having sexual relationships. He intended this only within the marriage bond, and those who today violate this can expect unpleasant consequences, as well as the displeasure of the Lord.

There will also be the opportunity to get to know each other physically. This is once again an area that needs prayerful consideration. It is normal for there to be a display of affection between two who have committed themselves to each other; yet there is need for self-control and restraint. As in all the other areas we have discussed we should seek to honour the Lord and so live for His glory. Let us be wise in these matters and seek guidance to act in a manner that does not embarrass others or give a bad testimony. We must leave until marriage that freedom to enjoy all the privileges of physical closeness and union; we are forbidden to have intercourse outside of marriage and must not allow our physical emotions to control us. Such actions as staying unaccompanied in the same house should be avoided as they could lead to temptation and suspicion. "Abstain from all appearance of evil." 1 Thessalonians 5 v 22.

So as we grow from our youth let us keep our bodies (the temples of the Holy Spirit) pure and private until, in the will of God, He gives us a partner in marriage; in this holy relationship our physical desires can be satisfied.

The situation of being without a partner can be painful, and the experience of loneliness can become overwhelming. At such times marriage to an unbeliever can seem like a solution, but that is not the case! Scripture condemns this ‘unequal yoke’ as sin. Do you really think such a relationship will satisfy your deepest longings? Even if your partner is exemplary on the human level and ‘lets you follow your faith’ it will very likely be the case that you will worship alone and read your Bible alone. You will not be able to talk with your partner about the most important things in life. And think of the coming of the Lord, the rapture — you will go to heaven alone! Your partner will be on their way to another destination — an unbearable thought. Yes, God in His grace can save your husband or wife. But there is no promise this will be so when we are disobedient.

The unmarried Christian and sexuality

We are dealing here with a problem that only exists for an unmarried believer in this form: a life of sexual purity and abstinence. Of course, all Christians are called to a life of (sexual) purity, but for the married Christian this means being faithful to his or her marriage partner and to have sexual intercourse only with her or him, whereas for someone who is unmarried it means a life of permanent sexual abstinence. In a completely sexualised society this can be a hard thing for a teenage Christian, but it may not be much easier for a 30-year-old unmarried Christian either.

In today’s society self-denial is seen as a negative idea. The view most people around us take today is that you have a right to live out all your wishes and desires. But the life of a Christian is often connected with sacrifice. In a Christian marriage each partner makes sacrifices out of love. Living out your desires in an egoistic way is unthinkable in this context. Therefore, the unmarried believer should be willing to deny himself or herself in order to live a life of sexual abstinence for the Lord’s sake and His honour.

On the other hand, God has expressed His will in His Word as to many things that have to do with our practical, daily lives. Do we rejoice in His expressed will as to what our conduct should be? These things we may know absolutely also, as for instance, "This is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality." Many other scriptures show us clearly what kind of conduct is right and becoming. Let us be well acquainted with these through reading and meditation.

On one thing especially was the apostle urgent, the personal purity of those who bore the name of Jesus; and the more so as the Greeks utterly failed in it. Their habits and their literature, their statesmen and their philosophers, all helped on the evil; their very religion conduced to aggravate the defilement by consecrating that to which depraved nature is itself prone. Few can have any adequate notion of the moral horrors of the heathen world, or of the insensibility of men generally to pollutions so shameless Christ changed all for those who believe in Him, leaving an example that they should follow His steps. "For this is God's will, your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication; that each of you know how to possess himself of his own vessel in sanctification and honour, not in passion of lust even as also the Gentiles that know not God, that no man over-reach and wrong his brother in the matter; because the Lord is an avenger of all these things, even as we told you before and fully testified." Holiness, of course, goes far beyond freedom from sensuality. Still to stand clear of that which was everywhere sanctioned in ordinary life was no small thing. Nor is the apostle satisfied with the negative duty of abstinence, but calls on "each of them to know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honour," instead of letting it drift loosely into sin and shame, "not in passion of lust, even as the Gentiles also that know not God." Acts 15 is proof positive on scripture testimony of that day, painfully confirmed by the disclosures of Pompeii and Herculaneum, to the moral degradation that pervaded even the most civilized portion of the heathen world. When God is dishonoured, man is reprobate; and God, in forgiving and rescuing from the wrath to come through Christ's death and resurrection, gives also a new life in Christ on which the Holy Spirit acts by the word so as to produce fruits of righteousness by Him to God's glory.