What does the Bible say about raising children?

That we are to bring our children up for the Lord, is plainly the teaching of this word, "But bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." To do this rightly, we must ourselves be daily walking, before our children, in the practical exhibition of His character, and counting much on the sympathies and grace of His heart: remembering that He says to us, "Without me ye can do nothing."

It is also our duty to teach our children, in due time, some useful occupation for "necessary uses." "And let ours also learn to maintain good works (or, profess honest trades, margin), for necessary uses." Compare Ephesians 6:4; Titus 3: 14. These are the points which do severely test our practical Christianity. If the first and all-important duty has not been faith fully discharged, before it is needful to press the second, deep trial must come in, and who can tell how long we may have to endure it, before the Lord Himself appears for our help?

Ephesians 6:4 also tells us that it is the responsibility of fathers to bring up their children in the ‘discipline and admonition’ of the Lord. Some fathers leave the whole burden of this to their wives, but this is not according to Scripture. We have read the words ‘ye fathers’, so the challenge is: be a father and take responsibility for bringing up your children. There are two elements to this. Firstly, discipline,[1] which means to recognise a child’s wrongdoing and stop it. There are cases where fathers see their children doing something wrong and do nothing about it (an example of which we have in 1 Kings 1:6). Of course, different children have different personalities and we need to adjust our methods to take account of this, using the wisdom the Lord gives us. Secondly, admonition or exhortation, a completely different matter, which means showing our children the right and good way to act and helping them follow it. We need a balanced approach: some fathers emphasise discipline and forget admonition, while others only admonish and never act. But we also read that these things should be done in ‘the Lord’. He is our help, so we need to be dependent on Him.

Passing by the lamentable occurrences in the families of some of the patriarchs - as, for example, in that of Isaac and Jacob - we may ponder, first of all, upon the exhortations given by Moses to Jewish fathers: "And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: and thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up." (Deut. 6:6-7.) The simplest can understand the teaching of this scripture, and it will suffice therefore to point out its main features. First, then, the word taught must be in the heart of the parent; he must possess and love it; for indeed none can teach anything of which they have not themselves felt the power. Secondly, the responsibility is personal, and cannot be abdicated: the parent himself must be the instructor. Thirdly, he must exercise diligence, and seize every passing opportunity, in order to impress God's word upon the hearts of his children. It is therefore not too much to say that this responsibility is paramount to any other - such as any, for example, which might affect the path and welfare of his children in this world.

But the question may be anxiously put, How is this to be done? First and foremost, by assiduous instruction from the Scriptures. Thus in the passage already cited from Deuteronomy it is said to the Jewish parent, "And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: and thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children," etc.; and St. Paul, writing to Timothy, reminds him that "from a child thou hast known the holy Scriptures" (2 Tim. 3:15); and it may be inferred, from the mention of Timothy's mother and grandmother, that it was by these godly women that he had been so instructed. It should be a solemn consideration with all Christian parents how far they are doing the same thing. There are many families where the Bible has a place, but not the chief place, in the instruction of the children. But surely "the nurture of the Lord" can only be derived from the word of God; and hence, whoever would be faithful in this matter, must be diligent in its systematic explanation. And what an advantage to the children who are thus taught! The truth of God is brought to bear upon them from the very outset, and used by the Holy Spirit, according to promise, to quicken, form, and direct; they are, under His gracious power, reared in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. There may not, in such cases, be any signs of distinct conversion (as is often observed in the case of children of faithful, believing parents), because the Spirit of God uses the Word at the very commencement of life for their blessing in regeneration.

But does all this touch, in the most remote way, the solemn responsibility of Christian parents to teach and train their children, diligently and faithfully, from their earliest moments? Most certainly not. Woe be to the parents who, on any plea or on any ground whatsoever, be it one-sided theology, misapplied scripture, or anything else, deny their responsibility, or neglect their plain, bounden duty, in this holy business. True, we cannot make our children Christians; and we ought not to make them formalists or hypocrites. But we are not called to make them anything. We are simply called to do our duty by them, and leave results to God. We are instructed and commanded to bring up our children "in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." When is this "bringing up" to commence? When are we to begin the sacred work of training our little ones? Surely at the beginning. The very moment we enter upon a relationship, we enter also upon the responsibility which that relationship entails. We cannot deny this. We cannot shake it off. We may neglect it, and have to reap the sad consequences of our neglect, in various ways. It is a very serious thing to stand in the sacred relationship of a parent — very interesting and very delightful, no doubt; but most serious because of the responsibility involved. True it is, blessed be God, His grace is sufficient for us, in this, as in all beside; and "If any man lack wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally, and upbraids not; and it shall be given him." "We are not sufficient of ourselves," in this weighty matter, to think or to do anything, as ourselves; but our sufficiency is of God; and He will meet our every need. We have simply to draw upon Him, for exigency of every hour.

In the epistles we find children mentioned. In the epistle, which contains God's highest revelation, Ephesians, children are treated as belonging to the Lord in the believing family. "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is just. Honor thy father and thy mother, which is the first commandment which has a promise, that it may be well with thee, and that thou mayest be long-lived on the earth. And ye fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and admonition of the Lord" (Eph. 6:1-4). The last means to instruct them in the things of the Lord. We have come occasionally in touch with good Christian people, who declared it wrong to teach a child to pray and who refused to tell little ones to pray to God. As far as certain forms of prayers are concerned we are, of course, fully agreed that a parrotlike repetition of prayers is to be avoided and harmful. But to teach the child prayer, the expression of weakness and dependence on God, as well as confidence in Him, is the first lesson to be taught. We think it a wrong, where this is not done. No day should pass in the home of believers, where the Word is not read and the knees of all bow before Him, who is the Head over all, the Lord Jesus Christ. And if through the grace of God the sweet instructions of Ephesians 5:22-32 are carried out in the Christian family, the home will become a place of fragrance, influence and blessing.

Thus it was to be with Israel of old; and surely thus it ought to be with Christians now. But is it so? Are our children thus taught? Is it our constant aim to present the word of God, in all its heavenly attractiveness, to their young hearts? Do they see it shining out in our daily life? Do they see its influence upon our habits, our temper, our family intercourse, our business transactions? This is what we understand by binding the word as a sign upon the hands, having it as a frontlet between the eyes, writing it upon the door posts, and upon the gates.

Reader, is it thus with us? It is of little use attempting to teach our children the word of God, if our lives are not governed by that word. We do not believe in making the blessed word of God a mere school book for our children; to do so is to turn a delightful privilege into a wearisome drudgery. Our children should see that we live in the very atmosphere of scripture; that it forms the material of our conversation when we sit in the bosom of the family, in our moments of relaxation.

Most decidedly. Christian parents neglect a most important duty if they do not endeavour to store the minds of their little ones with the truths of God's Word. It is true that for those truths to be effectual there must be a work of the Holy Spirit in the soul; but if the mind is stored with Scripture while young, there is material that the Holy Spirit can use at any subsequent time. How many there are who, during mature life, have had some passage of Scripture which they learned in the days of their childhood brought powerfully before their souls in such a way that conversion has been the result! So that even if we have to wait many days, or years, for the seed to spring up, it is well to sow it in the minds of our children. We may be sure that if we do not instil into their minds the teachings of God's Book, Satan will be ready enough to take advantage and plant his evil thoughts there. By all means, then, teach your children, and let them be taught, the truths of God's holy Word,

The Care of Children: The prominent place given in the word of God to the responsibility of parents as to their children shows the vast importance of this momentous subject. Nothing that truly concerns the welfare of the young will be found to have been, in principle, ignored in God's truth. Their being brought up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, taught to abhor evil and to love truth, to be obedient and respectful, to fear God, and, above all, to learn the elements of that precious gospel by which alone they can be saved, are so manifestly necessary that the mere mention of them will suffice for the present.

If it be written, and it is written, "Children, obey your parents in all things"; it is also, in beautiful adjusting power, written, "Fathers, provoke not your children, lest they be discouraged." Again, if it be said, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord; for this is right"; it is also said, "Ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath; but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." In short, the child must be taught to obey; but the obedient child must be allowed to breathe an atmosphere of tenderness, and to walk up and down in the sunshine of parental affection. This is the spirit of Christian education.