What does the Bible say about flirting?

I want to warn Christian young men against the sin of trifling with the feelings and affections of those of the other sex. Be manly and straightforward, and do not be cruel deceivers. God observes your actions and words. I have no desire to say more on this delicate subject than this: Do not be general lovers. Be careful in the choice of a companion whom you mean to make your wife, and be true and constant to her in your love — to her only.

May we also warn the young believer against being too free in his friendships with the opposite sex. Undue familiarity may easily lead to indiscreet behaviour, and to an unbalanced view of things, so that the heart is deceived to such an extent that a marriage is contracted that issues in painful regrets. While these things are perhaps negative, they are deeply important to consider. But we proceed to the most important necessity of

Occasions may arise when evils are manifested in the Christian circle that rightly call for rebuke. Nevertheless, in administering rebuke we are to recognise what is due to age and sex, and thus be careful that the rebuke is given in a right spirit. The rebuke may be right and yet have no effect, or even do harm, because of the wrong spirit in which it is given. A right rebuke in a wrong spirit is simply meeting the flesh in the flesh.

Age is to be respected, even if rebuke is called for. An elder brother is not to be rebuked sharply (N.T.), but exhorted with all the deference that a son would pay to a father. The younger men are not to be treated as of little account, but rebuked with love as brethren, the elder women with the deference due to a mother. Younger women are to be dealt with in “all purity”, thus avoiding the careless familiarity that nature might adopt.

In 1 Timothy 5 the apostle gives needful directions to Timothy as regards an elder. He was not to be rebuked sharply, but to be entreated as a father. Undoubtedly Timothy stood in a prominent place of trust and service; but this gave no exemption from the comeliness that becomes every one — especially a young man. The apostle had maintained his post of honour in the preceding chapter; now he will not let him forget the due consideration of others. How often does over-frankness drop words which rankle in the memory of an elder, easily floated over when love flows freely, but when it ebbs, an occasion of shipwreck! Again, "younger men as brethren; the elder women as mothers; the younger as sisters, with all purity." Nothing more beautiful, more tender, more holy; nothing more calculated to edify and cement the saints to the glory of God, whilst His wisdom enters into all circumstances with an easy elasticity which is characteristic of His grace.

This is commonly the case where young persons of opposite sexes mingle much together. There is no reason why Christian young men and women should not meet and enjoy one another’s company in a pure and holy way. But often it is otherwise. If you feel there is a snare in such commingling, then be honest with your own souls and avoid what might dishonor Christ and hinder spiritual growth. Timothy was exhorted to treat elder brethren with the reverence due to fathers, “younger men as brethren; the elder women as mothers; the younger as sisters, with all purity” (1 Timothy 5:1,2). The last three words are important, and if overlooked, will lead to many a snare. Young people need recreation; older ones, too, for that matter. It is a mistake to suppose that body and mind must always be keyed up to serious pursuits. “Bodily exercise profiteth [a] little” (1 Timothy 4:8)—not a great deal, but a “little.” Therefore beware of giving it an undue place, but do not neglect it. And in all your recreation see that there is nothing that hinders godliness, for godliness is of profit both in this life and the next.

Engagement should be used to get to know each other by talking over different matters; praying together and reading God's word. Habits formed at this stage will provide a foundation for married life. In discussing all the many practical aspects of our lives in an attitude of dependence to our Lord and commitment to Him, He will guide our thoughts together and set our aim to serve Him. It is natural to want to spend as much time as possible in each other's company, but let us ensure that we make time for our responsibility to serve the Lord together in our local assembly or wherever He leads. These are all foundations for a spiritual marriage. If we use this time well it will be something to remember with pleasure.

There will also be the opportunity to get to know each other physically. This is once again an area that needs prayerful consideration. It is normal for there to be a display of affection between two who have committed themselves to each other; yet there is need for self-control and restraint. As in all the other areas we have discussed we should seek to honour the Lord and so live for His glory. Let us be wise in these matters and seek guidance to act in a manner that does not embarrass others or give a bad testimony. We must leave until marriage that freedom to enjoy all the privileges of physical closeness and union; we are forbidden to have intercourse outside of marriage and must not allow our physical emotions to control us. Such actions as staying unaccompanied in the same house should be avoided as they could lead to temptation and suspicion. "Abstain from all appearance of evil." 1 Thessalonians 5 v 22.

"But let us consult our hearts and examine our ways. What vanities have we surrendered in response to the appeal of the precious blood? In the bird world it is the male who flaunts his splendour. The pea-hen is modest in comparison with her mate. But in the world of men and women it is the female that is in special danger. Hence the Spirit's pointed words in 1 Timothy 2:9, "That the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety (or, with modesty and discretion); not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array; but (which becomes women professing godliness) with good works." God appreciates "the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit. In His sight it is of great price" (1 Peter 3:4). Are these instructions always obeyed by women who profess to acknowledge the Lordship of Christ. Are men absolutely immune from the ape and peacock danger? Alas, no! The writer has sat alongside an "elder" at the Lord's Supper who had carefully waxed his moustache before leaving home, and this as recently as the year 1943!

Let us take care to keep ourselves from the world's temptation by avoiding the display of the human body. This evil is all around us. Let's ensure that we give no room for the flesh by unsuitable dress and behaviour.

Set a strong guard about thy outward senses: these are Satan's landing-places, especially the eye and the ear. Take heed what thou importest at these; vain discourse seldom passeth without leaving some tincture upon the heart. And for thy eye, let it not wander; wanton objects cause wanton thoughts. Job knew his eye and his thoughts were like to go together, and therefore to secure one he covenants with the other (Job 31:1).

The "strange woman" has even the attire of a harlot, with a heart more subtle still, yet clamorous and ungovernable. Her house is no home; her unsatisfied will drives her feet into the streets and the broadways; and at every corner she lies in wait. The heedless youth fixes her choice; and giving him the fullest credit for a vacant heart, for a void of understanding, she scruples not at once to storm one so unarmed and unestablished. She caught and kissed him, and strengthening her face to the utmost effrontery, she tells him of her peace offerings, her vows paid that day. He was the delight of her eyes and soul. Him she came to meet (whom she probably never saw before); his face was diligently sought; and now she had found him. Providence smiled on them, and the feast upon a sacrifice was a happy omen. None could deny that she was a religious woman; she must pay her vows duly when she ventured on a delicate affair of the heart. Yet she, the wanton, did not blush to speak of the utmost lengths without disguise. "I have decked my bed with tapestry coverings, with variegated cloths of yarn from Egypt; I have perfumed my couch with myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon. Come, let us revel in love until the morning; let us delight ourselves with loves." How terrible and how true is this picture of ritualism and luxury in league, prostituting the name of love to illicit amours and debauchery more guilty than the most brutal!