What does the Bible say about falling in love?

The term 'falling in love' is often used when a couple start to be friendly; this can be superficial, and we should be wary of this concept as it gives the idea of uncontrolled emotion. This could easily be lead by our old nature in a mere infatuation simply because of physical attraction, because of being continually in their company or even because of undue pressure from others. Some like to act as match makers encouraging couples who they think are suitable for each other. This is a dangerous game and has had many sad results.

The love of the marriage relationship, is an act of will under the guidance of our Master. An intelligent and permanent decision, which is taken in mature consideration of the issues involved and which will endure through every pressure and circumstance which might otherwise cause a couple to 'fall out of love'. The Lord has decreed that marriage is for life and if we want the Lord’s blessing we must follow his instructions. It is the lie of the devil that we can be happy with someone else. We must reject his subtle whispers.

Our natural desires can easily lead us into a wrong even dangerous position. Especially when we are young it is easy to become so convinced that we have found the right one that our judgement becomes blurred if not blind. There have been many who through an impetuous decision have been led into a sad relationship or led away from a path of devotion to the Lord and obedience to His Word.

"That no man go beyond and defraud his brother in the matter." 1 Thessalonians 4 v 6 JND Translation. Many romance stories involve two men competing for the love of one woman or vice versa. This should not be so with those who seek to be guided by the Lord in these matters.

In Proverbs 30 Agur talks about three things that are too wonderful for him; one of these is "the way of a man with a maid"! The romance of choosing a partner and the way this happens to us as guided by God is something very special for the different individuals involved. Our Lord spent all night in prayer before He chose His disciples; and to be guided into the will of God we need to be similarly exercised in prayer.

This love, as we see in the Lord Jesus, involves an undeviating faithfulness and thorough devotedness to the one who is loved. If considering marriage, let the believer be not only fully purposed himself that this should be true of him, but be certain that such evidence is seen in the partner he desires.

God created all the good things we associate with courtship: love, joy, happiness and the physical and mental attraction of the opposite sex. Only as led in the will of God will these things be enjoyed to the full if we leave the choice of our partner to God: His choice and in His time.

Prayer for wisdom and direction is as essential in this area as it is in every aspect of our lives. There have been many that have made mistakes: remember Samson and Delilah; Esau and the daughters of Heth; Solomon and his many wives; Ahab and Jezebel.

Do I mean by speaking thus, to impede or check the legitimate outflow of the natural affections between husband and wife? There is nothing farther from my intentions than such a monkish tendency. It is just the absence of the natural affections, implanted in our hearts by our gracious Creator God, which characterises the latter days, and constitutes one of the chief features of apostasy. On the contrary, where Christ is the motive and object for husband and wife in their intercourse, the love of Christ, instead of impeding and hemming in the free outflow of conjugal affections, will only serve to deepen and render them genuine, by sanctifying, and thus preserving them from degenerating, into the idolatry of a mere fleshly affection. "Sanctifying God in your hearts" and "glorifying Him in your bodies." Thus those natural legitimate affections will be ennobled into Christian affections, "even as Christ loved the Church", by being kept under the gentle control of the Spirit, and in the channel of His mind. Certainly, there is no affection so true, so abiding and so deep, as that between a spiritually-minded Christian husband and wife, because it is in Christ and for Christ's sake. "O Lord, Thy boundless love to me No thought can reach, no tongue declare; Then bend my wayward heart to Thee, And reign without a rival there; From Thee, my Lord, I all receive, Thine, wholly Thine, alone I'ld live." "O Lord, how cheering is Thy way! How blest, how gracious in mine eyes! Care, anguish, sorrow, pass away, And fear before Thy presence flies. Lord Jesus, nothing would I see, Nothing desire apart from Thee!" "'Mid conflict be Thy love my peace! In weakness be Thy love my strength! And when the storms of life shall cease, And Thou to meet us com'st at length, O Jesus, then this heart will be For ever satisfied with Thee."

In contrast with the fleshly lusts which war against the soul, and even here have no result but shame, Jehovah set up the holy relations of marriage in the sinless paradise of Eden. What a safeguard for man when an outcast through his own sin! What folly and ungodliness the dream of a Plato, which would dispense with the reality of one's own wife, one's own husband, one's own children in his ideal republic! Certainly there was no wisdom, nor understanding, in such a scheme. It is vagrancy of the most debasing kind. How gracious of Him to warn and guard weak passionate man from his own ruinous will!

First there was Adam, who was one man at least who could not possibly have had two wives, he was given one wife and he had no choice. There was an example right from the very beginning that it was not God's idea that men should have more than one wife, but "therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh". Now this was badly abused later on, but take another case that is most beautiful, probably one of the most beautiful pictures of the church, that of Isaac (chapter 24) and how the servant was sent by the father to receive the bride for his son. Isaac stayed at home and God's leading was seen in the servant who brought the bride to him, and we are told that Isaac loved her and she comforted him after his mother's death. Isaac is one man we read of who had only one wife. Men go shopping around looking for what they want, and when they get what they want they are not satisfied, that is the way of men, but if it is only my own choice that I think of I will not be satisfied. This attitude is foolish: if we desire a relationship, it is God who provides the bride. In that case we are told that Rebekah was asked, "Wilt thou go with this man?" and she said, "I will go". There was no question of money being involved at all, although gifts were given in both directions, but that is perfectly right.

Isaac went out to meditate in the field in the evening. He saw camels coming and went to meet them. Rebekah asked the servant, "What man is this that walketh in the field to meet us?" He answered, "It is my master." So Rebekah got down off the camel and took a veil to cover herself. What a happy meeting! And Isaac brought her into his mother's tent, and took her as his wife, and he loved her.