What does the Bible say about dealing with regrets?

We would not have a man think lightly of his sins, but we would urge upon him that if he has felt them deeply and confessed them truly, he should have the comfort of knowing that he has been forgiven fully, and cast off the hindrance of occupation with them, as Peter did when on the day of Pentecost he charged the Jews with denying the Holy and Just One. They might have said, “You did it yourself, Simon.” “Yes,” he might have replied, “I did, and He forgave me and blotted it all out for ever, and I am not denying Him now, anyhow.” Nor would we think lightly of the sorrows and losses of others, nor speak harshly of them if they seem to be overwhelmed by them, but we would warn them that brooding over them may grow into self pity and rob them of the comfort from on high that would enrich them through the sorrow, and it will most surely hinder them in the race to the glory where every sorrow will have its answer; and where the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus awaits those who run.

There are two kinds of sorrow for sin, one is the abhorrence of the thing itself, and this will be very keen in the heart that fears the Lord, and is centred in Christ; indeed, it is this heart alone that will sorrow rightly because of sin.

The second is the sorrow that goes with the fear of the consequences, and not because of the hatefulness of the sin itself. This is an entirely selfish experience, it is not “godly sorrow that worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of,” but it is the sorrow of the world which worketh death (2 Cor. 7:10). In this sorrow the devil seems very near to mock the soul in its distress, and increase its fears, as again and again the vow is made that, if the consequences can be escaped, that particular snare will be avoided in the future; he can mock confidently, for, he knows as long as the soul is self-centred there will be a return to the special besetment, as the dog returns to its vomit.

Despair does not enter into true sorrow for sin, for along and with it there is a sense of the nearness of the Lord. He stands by in tender grace to lead the soul into full restoration to Himself. Sin appears in its exceeding sinfulness in contrast to His faithfulness and love; His grace becomes a greater reality than ever; the sin is confessed and forgiven; the root of it exposed and judged; and the soul is cleansed from all unrighteousness.

There are two kinds of sorrow for sin, one is the abhorrence of the thing itself, and this will be very keen in the heart that fears the Lord, and is centred in Christ; indeed, it is this heart alone that will sorrow rightly because of sin.

The second is the sorrow that goes with the fear of the consequences, and not because of the hatefulness of the sin itself. This is an entirely selfish experience, it is not "godly sorrow that works repentance to salvation not to be repented of," but it is the sorrow of the world which works death (2 Cor. 7:10). In this sorrow the devil seems very near to mock the soul in its distress, and increase its fears, as again and again the vow is made that, if the consequences can be escaped, that particular snare will be avoided in the future; he can mock confidently, for, he knows as long as the soul is self-centred there will be a return to the special besetment, as the dog returns to its vomit.

Despair does not enter into true sorrow for sin, for along and with it there is a sense of the nearness of the Lord. He stands by in tender grace to lead the soul into full restoration to Himself. Sin appears in its exceeding sinfulness in contrast to His faithfulness and love; His grace becomes a greater reality than ever; the sin is confessed and forgiven; the root of it exposed and judged; and the soul is cleansed from all unrighteousness.

In the last letter that I received from a valued friend, now with the Lord, he wrote, "A RUNNING HOUND NEVER LOOKS AT ITS TAIL." He was referring to Philippians 3:13-14, "This one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth to those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus." I shall never forget the trite saying, there is a volume of wisdom in it, as will be understood when it is seen that the reaching forth in the verse is the word that describes a hound at full stretch. But the Christian who is continually looking back, and brooding over the past and mourning over his failure, is like a hound that has ceased to run and is feeding on its own tail, if such a thing can be imagined. Nothing vitiates a man's spiritual energy like brooding on the past; nothing hinders him in the heavenly race like this, and it matters not whether it is his sins or his sorrows that he broods over, the brooding itself is fatal to all spiritual growth and strength. Both are dishonouring to God, for if a man broods over his sins he doubts the grace that abounds over them all; if he broods over his sorrows it is probably because he is at war with the will of God. Both sin and sorrow should humble us and make us walk in lowliness of heart before God, and not proudly or boastfully; but there is grace for the sin, and there is sympathy for the sorrow, so that while we feel them, and feel them deeply, we are not to be overwhelmed by them but find our God and His resources in Christ Jesus greater than both, and finding this press onward to the place from whence the grace and sympathy come.

I am sure, dear Mrs. — , it needs to cleave to the Lord to preserve the spirit of the love which is of God, and grace in the application of it towards those whose ways have so deeply tried you and us. But His grace is sufficient for this. And if conscious of failure you have spread it all out before the Lord in self-judgment. I believe it is His will that you should confide in Him as to perfect forgiveness, and not keep on in going to Him about it. We have to learn ourselves in failure, but not as left to look for anything but evil in ourselves or to be disappointed at the discovery of any depth of it. But the only true effect of such experience is to cast us in unbounded confidence upon the goodness of God, not surprised at any fresh discovery of the depth and fulness of it. To allow the past that we cannot recall to hang as a weight upon us, seems to say that after all we had looked for something better in ourselves. Humbled by it surely, that is all right, but as J.N.D. says, "If the consciousness of what we are — of what we find in ourselves — has any other effect than, while it humbles us, to increase our adoration of what God is, we are off the ground of pure grace. The effect ought surely to be to humble us, but to make our hearts reach out to God and to His grace, as abounding over it all.

Thus we see here the power of a risen and a heavenly Christ, not now treated doctrinally as in 1 Corinthians 15 or 2 Corinthians 5 and elsewhere, but as that which bears on the Christian for the constant experience of every day. Hence that which judged and put aside religion after the flesh, righteousness after the law, all that was now left completely and for ever behind, and the saint is set on the road that nothing can satisfy him but being in the same glorious condition with Christ Himself. Hence he says, "Not as though I had already attained, either were already perfect; but I follow after, if that I may apprehend that for which also I am apprehended of Christ Jesus. Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind." This, carefully remember, does not mean forgetting sins. Far from losing sight of our past ways, it is a very wholesome thing indeed to remember them: we are never safe in forgetting what we are and have been. What he means by forgetting the things that are behind is, that we should not think of any progress we may have made in following Christ, — that we should lose sight of everything calculated to give us self-satisfaction. This were to spoil all, because it would please the flesh.

"Brethren, I count not myself to have laid hold [whatever others might dream]; but one thing, forgetting the things behind, and stretching out to the things before, I pursue … ." v. 13. The Apostle does not mean that one ought to overlook, or that he did overlook his past sins and failures. On the contrary, it is most evil to forget what Christ has suffered for our sakes, and also the manifold ways wherein we have dishonoured God. This will not at all interfere with settled peace — rather the reverse. A man can rejoice so much the more in the Lord if he fully judge his failure. It is the tendency of a conscience not thoroughly happy to desire to escape from thinking of anything in which we have consciously turned aside to the grief of the Holy Ghost. It is a right thing to search ourselves through and through; it is right to ask God to search and try us, and to lead us in the way everlasting. Confidence in grace, so far from weakening the sense of our own shortcomings or covering over our failure, is the very spring that enables us to see and deal with the reality of things in the presence of God. Thus the Apostle speaks of "forgetting the things behind," not with reference to his failure, but rather to his points of progress, the steps or stages in which he had made advance in the knowledge of Christ. Instead of dwelling upon any attainment, as if it were something to be thought of (like the Pharisee comparing himself with his neighbour), here we have this blessed man forgetting all that might have fed self-complacency or been creditable to himself. His back was on the ground traversed. "Stretching out to the things before, I pursue toward the goal for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus." v. 14. This can only be in the resurrection state. Till then he was content to run. This was his one business. It was to live Christ, because Christ was his object.

Repentance then is not mere regret or remorse (which is expressly μεταμέλεια); μετάνοια is that afterthought, or judgment on reflection, formed by God's working through His word to which conscience bows, self and its past ways being judged before God. It is never apart from a divine testimony and hence it is from faith, God's goodness, not His judgment only, leads to it; and godly sorrow works repentance to salvation not to be regretted, as the sorrow of the world works death (2 Cor. 7:10). 'I have sinned against heaven and in Thy sight', 'God be merciful to me the sinner': such is its confession and cry in a broken and contrite spirit. The gospel, the good news of grace, is God's answer.

Contrary to popular belief, repentance is more than just a feeling of regret. Joseph's brethren who had boldly stated "we are honest" (ch. 42, vv. 11 & 31) did feel regret. Their words in chapter 42 (vv. 21 & 22) prove two things: firstly, their conscience was active, and secondly, they regretted the consequence of their deed: "And now behold, his blood also is required." But this is not yet true repentance. More is required before Joseph reveals himself. And this is exactly the point of this article: repentance implies the realisation of God's thoughts (or feelings) about the matter concerned. The primary question faced by a truly repentant person is not how he or she or somebody else was affected, but the consequences for God's glory.

We make the same experiences as he. Satan entices us by lusts. Yet possessing the objects of these lusts can never satisfy a child of God's heart, because they cannot silence his conscience. The man of the world finds no more satisfaction in them than the Christian does, but he sets right out in pursuit of new objects by which he hopes to fill the void he feels. Not the Christian — he comes to his senses, dismayed, his hands empty, his heart empty, the very picture of moral wretchedness: having lost his fellowship with God and heaven's joy and having not gained that of earth. His conscience reproaches him and he comes to God filled with repentance. Oh, how David now might wish to erase those nine baneful months! He cannot do so. And so he lays hold of the only resource left to him and addresses the Lord: “I have sinned greatly in what I have done; and now, I beseech Thee, Jehovah, put away the iniquity of Thy servant; for I have done very foolishly” (v. 10). On another occasion he had seen how much it cost to trespass against God's holiness. Was a new judgment going to fall on him? The consequences of his act cause him to fear, but too late; they ought to have frightened him before he followed this path. His repentance cannot lessen the guilt of the evil committed or make it less worthy of judgment; his repentance cannot atone for his sin or deliver him from its consequences. What is left for David? To submit to the judgment which he would like to have avoided.