What does the Bible say about controlling your temper?

On this ground we may well be admonished (again as beloved brethren) to be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath. If all good comes from the Father, by His own will, and through His own Word, certainly it is our wisdom to be learners, our ears open, our tongues restrained, and our tempers kept in control. For the tongue and the temper are a revealing index to the state of a soul.

Men may sometimes feel their wrath is because of God's glory; but this is very questionable in the light of v.20; the righteousness of God is not wrought out by the wrath of man. Rather, man's wrath is linked with filthiness and overflow of wickedness in v.21, as that which is to be laid aside. The losing of one's temper is manifestly the overflow of wickedness.

(Vv. 19-21). The Christian, then, instead of acting according to the corrupt desires of the flesh, is, by living in the power which works through the new nature, to be a witness of the new creation. We are called to act in practical consistency with this new nature. We are to be ready to hear, slow to speak, and slow to wrath. Hearing is the attitude of dependence that listens to God. Speaking is the expression of our own thoughts. We are, then, to be swift to hear God's words which express His mind and will, and slow to speak words which too often only express our nature and our will. Moreover, we are not only to be slow to give utterance to the thoughts of our minds, but also slow to anger which expresses the feelings of our heart. The wrath of man does not lead to the righteousness of God, or to conduct consistent with godliness. Wherefore we are exhorted to lay aside the filthiness of the flesh and the abounding wickedness of the heart which manifests itself by hasty words and unrighteous anger. We are to deal with the evil that lies behind the malicious words and the outbursts of anger. But this will not be by attempting to obey an outward law, which only stirs up the flesh, but by laying aside every phase of it, and receiving with meekness the implanted word of God. It is the word received into the soul, not with reasonings and questions, but in the meekness that submits to what God has to say. The word thus engrafted in the soul will work to save us from all the evils of the flesh and of the world. We are thus not only begotten by the word but we become changed in character and grow in grace by the same word.

This new nature must produce the fruits of righteousness, hence the practical exhortation. "Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath. For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God." Hearing is the attitude of true faith, ever listening to that which God speaks in His Word; then slow to speak, because speech gives expression to what we are; and it needs caution not to let the old nature express itself; and slow to wrath, which is the flesh. Wrath does not work that practical righteousness which is pleasing to God. Then there is to be, as a result of true faith, a laying aside of all filthiness, all superfluity of naughtiness; this is the same putting off of which we read in the Pauline Epistles ( Col. 3, etc). This putting off is not the working of the law, but it is the result of the implanted Word, which received in meekness, saves; it is both the means of true salvation and the working out of that salvation into results of righteousness. But it needs more than hearers of the Word; we must be doers of it.

Let us therefore answer to this, exhorts the apostle. "Let every one be swift to hear," ready to take the place of those who need instruction; "slow to speak," as conscious of infirmity; "slow to wrath," because of the weakness of an impulsive nature, the wrath of man working not the righteousness of God; thus, laying "aside all filthiness and overflow of wickedness," we are ready to "receive with meekness the engrafted Word which is able to save" our souls. The Word which we receive is the Word which characterizes our nature itself. It is the engrafted Word, that in which the old stock and the old fruits are judged, and which gives in its reception the competency for fruit which is to God's taste. Thus the power of salvation — that is, of our deliverance from the various things which beset us by the way — is found in that word of God. which He has given us. By it the divine nature grows, and the soul is delivered from the power of things around by the blessing which is ministered to it. It is only as abiding in the good that we can resist the evil. It is only in the enjoyment of what is ours that we can be really weaned and separated from all that, while in us, is yet contrary to us.

Thus, self-will being broken, and self-confidence destroyed, he exhorts us, as those who receive all from grace, to be willing to hear rather than to speak, to be slow to wrath, which is but the impatience of the old man, for the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God. He who is taught of God is subject to Him. He lays aside all filthiness and superfluity of naughtiness, and receives with meekness the ingrafted word. This is an important passage, for it presents the condition of the man of God, and that which acts upon him. The will of the flesh does not act in him, nor does self-will; he hearkens to what God says, he receives His [word] with meekness, and is subject to it. Then God engrafts the word in his heart. It is not knowledge merely, but the truth of God, His word which is able to save the soul. It is both the seed of the divine life, and that which forms it.

Much that is written in the Book of Proverbs is a reiteration of what is written before, which surely indicates a very real need on our part to be reminded again and again of what is wise and becoming. We may think it faithfulness to strongly, even harshly, reprove the words of an unwise person but God tells us, "A soft answer turns away wrath" (v. 1). For gentle words can still be faithful and true, and it is wise to cultivate a habit of calm, sober wisdom in answering unwise words. For "a harsh word stirs up strife." And the servant of the Lord must not strive, and should be gentle to all, able to teach, and patient (2 Tim. 2:24).

How admirable is the wisdom Jehovah gives the heart! and not less on the negative or dark side than on the positive, especially where the knowledge that accompanies it is pleasant to the soul. Discretion and discernment follow with vigilance against an evil world. Violence and greed are not the only dangers but the way of evil through deceitful speech. Silence is not always golden; but "the tongue of the just is choice silver" (Prov. 10:20); or, as the New Testament exhorts, "Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt." How powerful is the soft and pure answer, not only to turn away wrath, but to check heat and pride and will! It is dangerous to hear froward things; it is wicked to speak them. How soon after this the paths of uprightness are forsaken to walk in the ways of darkness! — evil words allowed lead to a walk which God's light never illumines. How sad the descent in rejoicing to do evil! — delighting in the frowardness, or deceits of evil! It is to glory in the worst shame — how crooked in their paths and perverse in their course! Truly their judgment is just.

Then we are exhorted to be “slow to wrath,” to give “a soft answer” to an angry man. “He that is slow to wrath is of great understanding” (Prov. 14:29). How necessary this is. It is not always wise to say things which in themselves may be quite true. What we say may rankle for years in a man’s mind and fester mentally like a bad case of blood-poisoning.

Oh, learn, I beseech you to choke your wrath. Weep over your folly and sin in the presence of God. Be resolute in your endeavours to control the workings of your passions within. Firmly refuse to open your lips to utter your words while they are red hot. Let them cool, lest like Moses you speak unadvisedly with your lips (Ps. 106:33).

One who has understanding will be careful to control his temper, that is, to be "slow to wrath" (v. 29). For we must remember that circumstances may seem more serious than they actually are, and we should allow time to consider well whether we should be angry or not. If we act impulsively, we are thereby giving folly a place of exaltation. Wisdom given by God will certainly preserve us from such blunders.