Are we supposed to be actively looking for a spouse, or wait for God to bring a spouse to us?

In Proverbs 30 Agur talks about three things that are too wonderful for him; one of these is "the way of a man with a maid"! The romance of choosing a partner and the way this happens to us as guided by God is something very special for the different individuals involved. Our Lord spent all night in prayer before He chose His disciples; and to be guided into the will of God we need to be similarly exercised in prayer.

There is a different role for the man and the woman in these things. The man has the responsibility to take the initiative, the woman has the responsibility to respond, or not, as the Lord may lead. The man therefore has the duty to wait patiently upon the Lord before intervening in the life of a sister; and the woman to prayerfully wait upon the Lord to provide her with His choice.

When Christians are seeking a partner in marriage, it is essential for them to seek the mind and will of God. There should be an enquiry, “What saith the scriptures?”.

As a young man I had many lessons to learn. I thought I knew all the answers but at the age of seventeen I came to realise that I needed to completely rethink my attitude to this subject. I came to the conclusion that God knew what was best for my life and if He wanted me to be married He would guide me to the right person when His time was right. I did not want to do anything that would prevent my receiving His best. I realised that God knew how to give me a wife, if that was His will, so I determined that I would not in any way commit myself to anyone until I was sure it was the Lord's will. (I was sure that in such an important matter I would not be in any doubt.) I made a simple rule for myself that I would not go out alone with or show attachment to any girl until I was sure of God's will. This way I avoided being carried along by a momentary whim.

God knew that I needed a wife and that we could serve the Lord better together than apart and His will is best. Pray to God to show you His way, don't decide what you want and then pray about it. Pray that He may make His mind clear to you and then you will be able to thank Him when He gives the answer.

The more we get to know and trust our Father, we experience that He gives only good gifts to His children. He knows whether or not we are best to be married, and He knows how we will be able to serve Him best. So if we are to remain single we know that His will is best - indeed in 1 Corinthians chapter 7 Paul says that to remain single is better. If He wants us to be married He will have prepared a partner for us before we were born and He knows best how to bring us together.

The marriage of Adam is the prototype of the marriage of all his sons. In every case of true matrimony, God arranges the union. Divine wisdom observes the moment when the loneliness of the man is no longer good for him, and He provides a bride who is the complement of his nature with its personal characteristics. Adam had no choice of brides; there was but the one that would suit him, and she was prepared of God especially for him. Adam had no rivals for the possession of Eve. Nor can such a thing be imagined in Eden, where each of the two found in the other everything required to complete their enjoyment and to perfect their capacities. There was no alternative that either could have chosen or found.

Is this not the pattern of every true marriage? In His sovereign wisdom and providence, does He not, at his own time, and in His own way, bring together two young lives (or older), and where there is true faith in Him, give them both the clear assurance of His own leading, that they may with confidence be joined together "in the Lord"? May the young believer settle for nothing less than this, for otherwise he may find the results tragic in the extreme.

A most beautiful type of Christ and the Church is presented in Isaac and Rebecca (Gen. 24). Isaac calmly waited at home while Abraham's servant, sent by Abraham and guided by God, went to find a bride for him. How lovely an illustration of the ministry of the Holy Spirit, sent by the Father to world, to seek a bride for the Lord Jesus. No legal arrangements are made: no promises are extracted: no money is paid; but gifts are given. Rebecca is simply asked, "Wilt thou go with this man?" and in unhesitating confidence she replies, "I will go." Nor was Isaac disappointed. "He took Rebecca and she became his wife; and he loved her." (Gen. 24:67). Nor do we read of his ever making the sad mistake, as did many Old Testament believers, of taking more than one wife. He had allowed God to choose, and was satisfied: if we insist on choosing for ourselves, we are in the end bound to be dissatisfied.

What a place it was for him to find a wife! He might very likely excuse himself for marrying a woman of the world because there were no believers he could find to marry. But where should a believer look for a wife? Can he expect to find a good wife in a bar or a dance hall, or other places of worldly attraction? The believer is warned by Scripture to make no unequal yoke with an unbeliever (2 Cor.6:14). If he frequents places where Christians are present, he will most likely meet Christians. If his heart is concerned about obeying God, he will be led to the wife of God's choosing, which will always be good. If he does otherwise, trouble will surely befall him.

Abraham's servant furnishes us also with a lovely example in Gen. 24. He went abroad in the spirit of prayer to seek a wife for his master's son. Having found the right person, he bowed his head, and worshipped Jehovah, saying, "I being in the way, Jehovah led me."

Look at it in a natural way. Here is a young man, going to enter on a career of service for God. How important that hp should make no alliance that will hinder his usefulness and service. How important that every step should be taken in dependence upon God, with earnest prayer for guidance, particularly in so important a step as choosing a partner, a companion. How absolutely important it is that she should be of the same mind with himself. First of all she should be one of the Lord's people, surely, and besides she should have like faith and obedience with himself.