Train up the child according to the tenor of his way, and when he is old he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 22:6 covers a whole life in one sentence: what a child takes in early tends to hold when everything else has changed. Commentators read it as a plain rule of cause and effect and as a promise a parent can lean on, though they differ on what it means when a child from a godly home goes wrong.
While the Branches Still Bend
The verse points to a stage of life when a parent can still shape a child. One writer draws that out with a picture from the garden.
A wise gardener starts while his fruit trees are young and tender. He trains the branches along the wall, where they can catch the warm rays of the sun. We should do the same. While our children are young and easy to shape, we should shape them for God. It would be foolish for the gardener to wait until the branches grow old and gnarled, and only then try to train them.
What the Training Aims At
Every parent trains a child toward something. The question the verse forces is what that something is.
Yes, our children need training for some kind of work, so they can make their way through this world. But the main purpose of a parent's stewardship is to train them for the Lord. If parents honour the Lord in how they educate their children, His favour will rest on the children and on the parents.
More Than Words
A parent trains a child by more than words.
Here is the thing that tests us. Here, as everywhere else, we reap what we sow — above all in the mind of a child, which is so easy to shape. And it is not only our words that bear fruit. It is our words and our ways together.
The same law works the other way. Wrong training sticks too. That makes the proverb a warning as well as a comfort.
We can be sure that evil has its own law and order, just as good does. "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." Train him for the world, and can you be surprised when that work succeeds just as well?
Firmness, Not Formulas
Training includes correction. Love is what makes a parent willing to give it.
Such training needs firm discipline, and that includes physical pain. If we love our child, we will not shrink from it... We may not see the good results early in the child's life, but "even when he is old he will not depart from it."
Yet one writer refuses to give a set of rules to follow.
We do not try to set out any rules or regulations for the training. We do not believe in them. Dry rules cannot train children.
A Promise to Act On Now
Some parents hold back from spiritual training until they see faith in the child. One writer calls that delay a mistake.
Many parents make the mistake of thinking they must wait for their children to be converted before they try to follow this instruction... The Spirit of God does not say, "Wait and pray for your children's conversion." He says, "Bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." You are to take God at His word, and count on Him for the blessing the promise holds.
Exceptions, and Where the Fault Lies
Commentators differ here. One reads the verse as leaving no room for blaming the child: if the children of godly parents do not follow them, "it is because they have not been trained up in the way they should go... There could not be failure on God's side." Another sees a different explanation.
People are often surprised to see young men and women become known for ungodly lives, even though they come from godly homes. Some suggest the reason must be serious sin in the parents, or at least a serious fault in their training... But the children have inherited from their parents the same fallen nature that came from Adam, and they will stay that way until grace reaches them too.
A third writer keeps the result in view rather than the cause.
Early training, whatever the exceptions, has its good result... That is what happened with Isaac, whom his father trained this way. Solomon's life was far less steady, though we may hope he repented.
Summary
- Early — shape the branch while it is young and tender. Wait until it is gnarled and the work is hopeless.
- Aim — parents train a child for work in this world, but their main stewardship is to train them for the Lord.
- Example — words alone do not train a child. A parent's words and ways work together. The same law also works in reverse.
- Discipline — firm correction belongs to training, and love keeps a parent from shrinking from it. But dry rules cannot do the work.
- Patience — the promise names old age, not youth. Commentators differ on why some children stray. The verse tells parents to train them now and count on God for the blessing.