The discretion of a man maketh him slow to anger, and it is his glory to pass over a transgression.
Proverbs 19:11 sets two things side by side: the good sense that keeps a person from flaring up, and the honour that comes from letting an offence go. But is letting a wrong go a sign of strength or of weakness? And where does covering an offence end and irresponsibility begin?
What "Good Sense" Means
Older translations call the first word "discretion." Commenting on Proverbs 1, one writer explains the term:
"Discretion" at the end of the verse is the opposite of carelessness. But like the word before it, it can also be put to bad use. Used well, it means good judgment formed by reflection.
So the delay is not laziness. It is thinking before acting. Another writer, commenting on a nearby proverb about being slow to anger, shows why the delay matters:
One who has understanding will be careful to control his temper, that is, to be "slow to wrath" (v. 29). For we must remember that circumstances may seem more serious than they actually are, and we should allow time to consider well whether we should be angry or not. If we act impulsively, we are thereby giving folly a place of exaltation.
Slowness To Anger Is Not Numbness
Being slow to anger does not mean feeling nothing. Writing on Nahum, which calls God both avenging and slow to anger, one commentator separates feeling from acting:
Are we not all apt to set these things against one another? But that is not the truth. The stronger God's feeling against what destroys His own glory, the more fitting it is that He should be slow to act on His anger. We should be slow too, for quite different reasons. Slowness to anger is usually the proof of moral greatness. Yet there are extreme cases where waiting would show a lack of right feeling. Scripture shows us both the rule and the exceptions. Slowness to feel does not come from God, or even from man. But acting on feeling is another thing.
Overlooking An Offence Is Glory
The verse ties a man's glory not to winning, but to passing the offence by. One writer points to where that pattern comes from:
Giving way to anger quickly is always a danger. True discretion is slow to yield to it. Better still is to pass over an offence, however real it is. That is his glory. He who is higher than the highest sets the pattern of grace.
Notice the phrase "however real." The offence is not denied or explained away. The person simply lets it go.
What Restraint Does To The Other Person
A calm response also works on the offender. Commenting on Proverbs 12, the same writer describes what the prudent man does with an insult:
On the other hand, the man who hides shame instead of exposing it is prudent. He feels the insult, instead of despising his brother and hardening his own heart in worldly pride. But his quiet spirit adds no fuel to the flame, and perhaps helps the offender to judge his own uncontrolled behaviour. How prudent to ignore such provocations, to conceal shame not only from others but from ourselves!
Covering, And Its Limits
Passing over an offence usually means not repeating it. One writer commends that, and sets a boundary:
"Whoever covers an offense seeks love" (v. 9). This does not mean covering your own transgression. That we ought to confess honestly to the Lord. But we should not expose someone else's transgression unless the matter affects others. There are smaller matters that we may hear but ought not to repeat, because repeating them can separate friends.
One writer explains why God approves of such covering, and why it does not cancel correction:
Hatred makes the worst of everything. Love, by contrast, has the right to bury things out of sight, and God approves of that, because it matches His own nature. Of course, holy discipline still keeps its necessary but sorrowful work.
The Measure You Use
There is also a plain warning attached to being quick and severe about small things:
Discretion is a virtue of great value. It makes a man slow to anger (v. 11), and if he is slow to anger, he will not be harsh in judging what may be a minor transgression. We all know that we are guilty of transgression at times. If we are harsh in our judgments, we shall likely find harsh judgment coming back to us.
Summary
- Sense first. Discretion is the opposite of carelessness. It is judgment formed by reflection, and it holds anger back long enough to weigh the facts.
- Feel, but wait. Slowness to anger is not slowness to feel. It refuses to act on the feeling, and that restraint marks moral greatness.
- Then release. The glory here is passing over an offence that is fully real, following the pattern of grace set by the One higher than the highest.
- Then cover. Love has the right to bury a wrong out of sight, and God approves, because it matches His own nature. Holy discipline still does its sorrowful work when needed.
- Or be measured. Harsh judgment of a small fault tends to come back on the one who gives it. A quiet spirit adds no fuel to the flame and may help the offender judge himself.