A man of [many] friends will come to ruin but there is a friend [that] sticketh closer than a brother.
This verse closes a chapter about words, quarrels and the company we keep. It turns from crowds to a single companion. Two questions come up. Why should a man with many friends end in ruin? And who is the friend who holds on tighter than family?
Many friends, thin support
The warning is not against friendship but against leaning on numbers. One writer reads the ruin as the price paid for spreading one's trust wide.
A man who depends on many friends pays for it to his own ruin; but One has become more than a friend, loving beyond all others, staying closer than a brother. We know Him well — and yet how little!
Another draws out why a crowd of friends is worth less than one, and what marks the single Friend out.
One faithful friend is far better than many friends. A crowd will never agree on what is right. The one Friend in this verse who stays closer than a brother is of course the Lord Jesus. He will not flatter us, and He will not betray us, but is faithful and true in everything.
Commentators differ on how the first half reads. Older wording says a man who wants friends must show himself friendly. Other readings say a man with many friends comes to ruin, which is how the ESV reads it.
Why the Friend is Christ
Proverbs is mostly practical wisdom about how to live. But some lines reach past the general rule to a person.
Proverbs mostly teaches how people should live. It often sets the righteous against the wicked. But there is much here that goes deeper. We can apply many of these short sayings to the Lord Jesus Christ and to the gospel... Then there are verses which speak of a friend, "There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother" (18:24). "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity" (17:17). When we read such verses in this book, we think of our Lord, who is the friend of sinners.
Closeness on the same road
A brother arrives in trouble; this Friend is already in it. One writer contrasts help sent from a safe distance with help given from inside the same path.
"A brother is born for adversity." In trouble we learn the touch of a brother's hand. And "there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." What a joy to find that this Friend who stays so close is the Lord of glory Himself! He is not only a kind Protector who helps from His own place of unbroken happiness. He walks hand in hand with us, on the same road. He shares His own cup of comfort with us. His sympathy grew on that same path, out of sorrows He chose to bear so that He could care for us.
Discovered in grief, not in theory
This closeness is discovered, not assumed. One writer points to Mary, mourning her brother Lazarus. She gained something her sister Martha did not.
Martha got relief from the pressure, but no sympathy. On that walk with the Lord, Mary learned more than she knew before. While she was mourning the loss of Lazarus, she found out that she had a Friend who sticks closer than a brother... It is not only that Christ loves the sinner; He makes the sinner love Him.
Friendship that asks something back
This love raises a question. What does He ask back?
He is the friend who "loves at all times," the friend "who sticks closer than a brother." But can He say this of us? What He does say is, "You are My friends if you do what I command you."
The same writer notes that Christ did not wait to be approached. He earned the title by what it cost Him.
An old wording of this verse says, "If a man wants friends, he must show himself friendly." The Son of God has shown Himself friendly to win friends. He could say, "Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends." This is what He did, and having done it He offers Himself to all.
The cost of not knowing Him
The verse also carries a warning. One writer presses what is lost if you do not know Jesus this way.
If you do not know Jesus now as "the friend who sticks closer than a brother," you will be alone when every other friend has failed. Alone before God as your Judge. Alone with the loneliness of a soul without God.
Summary
- Many — Spreading your trust across many friends can cost you. A crowd cannot agree, and such a man comes to ruin.
- One — Against the many stands one Friend who never flatters and never betrays. Commentators read Him as the Lord Jesus, the friend of sinners.
- Closer — He does not protect from a distance. He walks the same road, and His comfort comes out of sorrows He chose to bear.
- Proved — Mary learned this while grieving her brother, not before. Loss is where the friendship becomes real, and where love is returned.
- Mutual — He showed Himself friendly by laying down His life. The test on our side is His own word: "You are My friends if you do what I command you." Miss Him now, and you will be alone when every other friend fails.