Whoso hath found a wife hath found a good thing, and hath obtained favour from Jehovah.
This short line on marriage does two things at once. It calls a wife a good thing, and it traces the finding of her back to God Himself. That raises the questions the commentators take up. In what sense is she "good"? How is the Lord's favor involved? And how does a man go about the finding?
A general rule, not an unbroken one
The proverb states what is normally the case. One writer roots that in God's own verdict on the man who has no one beside him. He is also honest that Scripture records the opposite:
This is normally true. As the Lord said in Genesis 2:18, "It is not good that the man should be alone." There are exceptions. Sometimes a wife becomes a trap to her husband. Jezebel, for example, stirred up her husband Ahab to do evil (1 Kings 21:25). But Proverbs 31:10-31 gives a lovely contrast to this example of evil, showing the great blessing of finding a virtuous woman. A man's good character does not earn him a virtuous wife. The favor (or grace) of the Lord brings her to him.
Favor, not payment
The word behind "favor" is the word for grace. So the same writer argues that the whole relationship must carry that character. He tests it against two marriages in Genesis — Rebekah, given with no bargain, and Laban's daughter, bargained for:
Later Laban bargained with Jacob when Jacob wanted Laban's daughter. There was no such deal in Rebekah's case. Hers shows the proper character of marriage. For marriage is a relationship of grace. "He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor (grace) from the Lord" (Prov. 18:22). To pay for a wife therefore is an insult to her and contrary to God's word.
What makes the finding good
One writer asks how a wife fits with what comes just before in the chapter. She stands where no one else does — close enough to speak the truth and be heard:
Does finding good in a wife, in one worthy of the name, belong here too? No one else knows a man so closely or can help him so well. She can do what no one else can. And if she lives for God, what a treasure she is to her husband — a man who might resent such honest words from anyone else! What a favor from the LORD!
The same writer comments on a companion proverb: a prudent wife comes from the Lord. He weighs her against everything a family can hand down:
If house and wealth are handed down from fathers, as they usually were in Israel, a prudent wife came from the LORD. What is all the rest worth, however fine or plentiful, if the woman who shares it has no gentle wisdom? And if everything else were missing, what comfort and happiness to have a wife from the LORD, with His light in her and around her!
The one to ask
If the gift comes from the Lord, parents cannot supply it. That shifts the whole matter onto dependence:
The parents of a young man cannot provide this. So he must depend on the Lord to find the wife who will do him good all his life.
Dependence has a practical edge. One commentator says the requirement goes past simply marrying another Christian:
A Christian must walk by faith in everything. How much he needs it in a step that shapes so much of his life here! He might be drawn to a Christian woman so unlike him in habits, situation, and age that the match looks wrong to others and makes them both unhappy. Sadder still, her mind may be so worldly that she puts his soul and his witness in danger... So this passage covers more than the bare fact that both belong to Christ. It teaches that the marrying itself should be in the Lord — directed by Him, for their good and His glory.
The proverb enlarged
One writer points out that the closing chapter of Proverbs draws this single verse out into a full portrait. It stands against the seductive woman warned about earlier in the book:
This virtuous woman stands out in bright contrast to the descriptions of "the strange woman," the adulteress mentioned again and again in Proverbs (2:16-20; 5:1-23; 22:14; 23:27, etc.). This beautiful picture, drawn by the Spirit of God, expands one of the proverbs: "He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the LORD."
Where such a wife is found, the confession of this verse becomes the husband's own words rather than a general saying:
It is in such a wife that "the heart of her husband trusts in her… She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life;" and he will be drawn to confess that in finding a wife, he found a good thing, and obtained favour from the Lord.
Summary
- Good — the proverb states the normal case: God said it is not good for the man to be alone. But there are exceptions, and commentators name Jezebel as one.
- Grace — "favor" is the word for grace. No man earns a good wife by his character, and no man may buy one. Paying for a wife contradicts the grace the relationship pictures.
- Gift — she is not an inheritance parents hand down like a house. She comes from the Lord, so a man must ask the Lord for her.
- Guided — marrying "in the Lord" means more than both being Christians. It means a match directed by Him, for their good and His glory.
- Good returned — the wife who fears God does her husband good all her life, and he ends up saying this verse about her himself.