The friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.
Two lines, two relationships, one test. The friend is steady, and the brother is made for the day things go wrong — and commentators read both halves as a picture no person fills out completely.
Love that does not change
The first half measures love by how long it lasts, not by how strongly it burns. One writer notes how rare and how painful the lack of it is, and where the strain on such love is heaviest:
The picture of the friend is beautiful, and it becomes precious only as far as we know it for ourselves. He loves at all times. How sad it is to have no one who stays steady, whatever changes this passing life brings! Nearer still is a brother born for adversity, where the strain is greatest. No one fills out the sketch perfectly except our Lord Jesus, who is infinite, and goes far beyond what words can say or the heart can imagine.
Love that includes correction
"At all times" includes the times when we are in the wrong. One writer applies this to the Lord, and takes the word "love" somewhere we might not expect:
"A friend loves at all times" (v. 17). How true this is of the Lord: whether we are fully obedient or disobedient, His love stays the same. That love may need to discipline us: "the Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights." We should thank God for His gracious care in correcting us. Also, "a brother is born for adversity" — that is, the Lord gives us brothers to help when times of adversity test us.
(Where an older translation read "whom a father loves he chastises," the ESV has "the Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights.")
Adversity is the classroom
One writer puts the second half bluntly:
If "a brother is born for adversity," it is only adversity that can rightly make you know that "brother."
The same writer goes further. He finds not sympathy from a safe distance, but company on the same road:
"A brother is born for adversity," and in adversity we learn the touch of a brother's hand; yes, "there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." What a joy to find that the One who stays so close is the Lord of glory Himself! He is not just a kind and gracious Protector watching from His own place of unchanging blessedness. He walks hand in hand with us. He travels the same road and shares His own cup of comfort. His sympathy grew on that very path — a path of sorrows He chose, so that He could serve us this way.
Brotherhood that acts
The proverb is not describing a feeling. One writer, commenting on Abraham and Lot, shows what that love does:
Lot was Abraham's brother after all, and brotherly love must act. "A brother is born for adversity;" and it often happens that a season of adversity softens the heart and makes it open to kindness, even from someone we have had to part company with… The claims of a brother's trouble are answered by the affections of a brother's heart.
Illustrated in a friend, fulfilled in Christ
One writer points to a real person who lived this out. Paul called Epaphroditus his brother:
"A brother is born for adversity." And it was surely in a day of adversity that Epaphroditus came and proved himself a true "brother" to Paul. "My brother" tells of the family, and of family love and affection.
Yet even the closest human friendship runs out somewhere:
How incomplete is the sympathy of the dearest friend you may have! There are experiences, a sense of weakness, and needs that you are ashamed to speak of. Or you know it is useless to tell even your closest friend on earth about them. What a joy to know that no part of any experience we have is too small for the notice of our blessed High Priest!
Summary
- Constant — The friend's mark is steadiness, not warmth. He "loves at all times," through every change of mood and circumstance.
- Corrective — That unchanging love is not soft. It may take the form of discipline, and that correction is itself a kindness to be thanked for.
- Costly — A brother is born for adversity. Trouble is not the exception to the bond; it is the reason for it, and the only place we come to know the brother.
- Active — Abraham acted for Lot. Brotherly love answers a brother's trouble with action, not just feeling.
- Complete only in Christ — Epaphroditus sketches it. The closest human friend still leaves needs untold. Only the Lord Jesus fills out the picture past what words can say.