Proverbs 13:24

There is another form of following God's ways in the due correction of the family. How many of the godly have spared the rod, and so failed in love to their sons! This lays down the warning, and the kind of love: "He that spares his rod hates his son: but he that loves him chastens him, or seeks him early with discipline." Sparing the rod really pleases the parent, and it deeply harms his son.

If the father neglects using a rod to correct his son, he is guilty of hating his son. Some people, even Christians, object to punishment that hurts the body. But this is false kindness. In fact, God often has to hurt us physically, so that we may learn to obey, and He does so because He loves us (Heb. 12:6). This verse presses the need for prompt punishment.

The child must learn to obey from his earliest moments. He must be trained to submit to God-given authority... If parents do not see to this from the very first, they will find it almost impossible to see to it later. If the will is allowed to act, it grows with terrible speed. Each day's growth makes it harder to bring under control.

In 1 Kings 1:6 we read of Adonijah, the son of Haggith. He was next in age to Absalom. God's record of his upbringing is especially sad: "His father had never at any time displeased him by asking, 'Why have you done thus and so?'" What a solemn and truly practical demonstration this is of words written a little later by one of Adonijah's half-brothers.

But the child must feel, even while under the rod, that it is love that applies the rod. Children's eyes see very quickly, and their young hearts feel very keenly, even while under correction. They know whether the parent's rod comes from love, or from anger and temper. In the second case, the rod will do anything but correct. Anger provokes anger... every stroke of the rod will drive the dear child he is correcting farther and farther away.

In some cases discipline is necessary. But give it in a way that convinces the child it is only for his good. It must not look like the fruit of bad temper or of harsh, unreasoning severity. The rod should be lifted with great reluctance. It should be the very last resource. In short, the Christian parent should always keep one model before him: the way his heavenly Father deals with him... He only chastens in love, to make us partakers of His holiness.

In Scripture, chastening is mostly linked with love and sonship. It carries the sense of 'instruction' and 'discipline.' The one who loves, chastens. Prov. 13:24; Deut. 8:5; Heb. 12:5-11; Rev. 3:19... At the time, chastening does not seem joyful but painful. Yet later it yields the peaceable fruits of righteousness in those trained by it. Heb. 12:11.