If any man come to me, and shall not hate his own father and mother, and wife, and children, and brothers, and sisters, yea, and his own life too, he cannot be my disciple;
The words come right after the parable of the great supper, where grace invites anyone who will come. Now the crowds are large, and the Lord tells them what following Him costs — in words that have troubled readers ever since.
Grace First, Then the Terms
The order of the chapter matters. Grace comes first, and only then does the Lord test who is real.
Of all four Gospels, Luke's is the one that emphasises grace. In fact, in Luke 14 the paragraph just before this one contains the parable of the great supper (Luke 14:15-24), a wonderful unfolding of the grace of God. Isn't it worth noticing what comes next? He unfolded divine grace in a way that brought great crowds around Him, eager to listen. Then the Lord turns on them and tests their reality by setting out the terms of discipleship. Shall we not do well to notice the difference between the two, and still keep them together in the order in which He put them?
What "Hate" Carries
The word itself has been examined closely, and it is read alongside the parallel saying in Matthew.
Notice that Matthew, the first of our Gospels, softens the language here ("hate"). The word translated "hate" means to renounce the claims or influence of the person or thing concerned (Hahn). Paley takes it as "to be indifferent to." Compare Matthew 10:37, "Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me."
How It Looks From Outside
This is about how following Christ looks to the family left behind. It is not about cold feelings.
The disciple must follow Christ so plainly and so firmly that other eyes would see it as a complete neglect of natural ties. It would look like indifference to the nearest and strongest family claims. The Lord does not call for a lack of affection. But that is how it might and must look to those left behind in His name. The attractive power of grace must outweigh all natural bonds, and every other claim of any kind, on the person who would be His disciple.
The One Point Where Ties Must Break
Does this cancel what children owe their parents? Only one situation forces the break.
There is only one case in which the Lord shows the necessity of forsaking father and mother: when the child is commanded to forsake Christ. In every other case it is sin against Him who said long ago, "Honor your father and your mother," and who also said through the apostle, "Children, obey your parents." When father or mother — yes, or wife or life — comes into competition with Christ, then all must be "hated"; the disciple must bear the cross and follow Him. If any of these stand in the way of confessing Christ as Saviour, it is better to be driven from home and disowned by parents than to be without Christ.
The Last Name On The List Is Your Own
The list runs from father to brothers and sisters, and then adds the self. That final clause is where the sentence bites hardest.
The point is that He must have the very first place in the hearts of His own. The time is short. Things here, whatever they may be, must be held with a loose hand. It cuts very close when we read "and his own life also." Paul knew the meaning of this better than anyone. He always carried the sentence of death in his person. How far along are we in such a path? This rises above nature — indeed, it cuts across nature. Are we prepared for it?
Disciple, Not Saved — Watch The Wording
Much of the difficulty in the verse dissolves once the exact ending of the sentence is noticed, an ending repeated three times in the paragraph.
Turn to Luke 14 and read the paragraph, Luke 14:25-35. The same thoughts appear again there, and those four closing words — "cannot be my disciple" — come three times over (verses 26, 27 and 33). Notice: not "he cannot be saved," but "he cannot be my disciple."
Summary
- Grace first. The Lord unfolds grace before He names a single condition. Discipleship follows grace; it never comes first.
- First place, not less love. "Hate" here means renouncing the claim or influence of a person or thing. Matthew puts it the other way round: no one who loves father or mother more than Christ is worthy of Him.
- Looks like neglect. To those left behind it can look like indifference to family. The Lord does not ask for less affection. He asks for a pull stronger than every natural tie.
- One point of conflict. Ties break at one point only: when someone demands that you give up Christ. Anywhere else, walking out on parents is sin against the God who told us to honour them.
- Then your own life. The list ends with your own life. The sentence ends with "cannot be my disciple" — a word about following, not about salvation.