Then Judah said to Tamar his daughter-in-law, “Remain a widow in your father's house, till Shelah my son grows up” — for he feared that he would die, like his brothers. So Tamar went and remained in her father's house.
Judah has just buried two sons, and now he speaks to the widow they left behind. His words sound like a promise: a home, a wait, then marriage when his youngest son is grown. But the verse also tells us what he was thinking, and the two do not match.
Judah's unrighteousness
Judah's arrangement looks like care. In fact it keeps from Tamar what was hers by right, and one writer also finds a flaw in the plan itself:
Edwin N. CrossTamar had the right to be the mother of Judah's heir. He kept that right from her, and in doing so he blamed her for the death of his sons. He did not blame his own sons for any wrong. Judah's favouritism towards his own family blinded him to the truth… Many people today let family ties sway their judgment in important matters. Judah's values are twisted. On a practical note, the idea that Shelah could be a husband before he was full grown also goes against the mind of God… Every area of life calls for maturity: physical, mental and emotional. Shelah was much younger than Tamar, and that was not a good recipe for a marriage.
Notice where Judah puts the blame. He fears for Shelah, so he sends Tamar away, and his own sons go unblamed.
A promise never kept
Judah's promise had a date on it: "till Shelah my son grows up."
L. M. GrantJudah promised Tamar that she could marry Shelah when he was grown, since he was still young. In the meantime he asked her to remain a widow in her father's house. But we shall see that Judah failed to keep his promise, just as the tribe of Judah has done again and again.
Tamar's obedience
Tamar obeyed. She went back to her father's house and stayed there. Her willingness shows what she wanted:
An Outline of Sound WordsTamar had the natural desire for children. She was clearly content to wait until Judah's third son was old enough to be her husband. That seemed to show she valued her place in the family of Jacob.
When waiting turns to scheming
Her patience did not last. Later she took matters into her own hands, and one writer weighs both sides:
An Outline of Sound WordsHer desire for children was a right one. We can admire how she valued a place in the family where God's Name was known, and the righteous, trusting qualities she showed in her patient waiting as a widow. But we cannot excuse what she did to get what she wanted. It showed a lack of confidence in God, and the sin itself was unnatural… How ready we are by nature to try to get God's blessing in our own way.
The same failure repeated in David
Judah's neglect of Tamar is the first of three failures here. All three show up again in a later king:
An Outline of Sound WordsJudah's failure has features that strongly remind us of David's failure. First, Judah neglected his duty towards Tamar. Second, he indulged the flesh and so badly dishonoured the Name of the Lord. Third, he was quick to pass the death sentence on evil he was guilty of himself. Do we not see these very same features in the failure of King David?
Grace at the end of the line
Everything in this chapter runs downhill. Yet the line to the King of kings runs straight through it, and it is not Judah who rescues it:
William KellyJudah was to be the royal tribe above all others, and the ancestor of the King of kings. Yet he takes a daughter of Canaan for himself with no regard for God. No wonder wickedness killed his firstborn, and disgraceful conduct his brother. No wonder the widow got no regard from the third son… Such is man, and such Judah; but such too is God. Where terrible sin increased, grace increased far more.
Summary
- Right withheld — Tamar had the right to be the mother of Judah's heir. Judah told her to go home and wait, which looked like care but kept that right from her.
- Blame misplaced — Judah feared for Shelah, so he treated Tamar as the danger. His own sons he did not blame at all.
- Promise broken — Judah never kept the promise he made about Shelah. Writers see in that broken word a pattern the tribe of Judah repeated.
- Waiting misused — We can admire Tamar's waiting and how she valued a place in Jacob's family. Her later scheme has no excuse, since it showed a lack of confidence in God.
- Grace exceeding — The chapter runs downhill from here. Still the line to the King runs through it, because where sin increased, grace increased far more.