Children, obey your parents in [the] Lord, for this is just.
The letter has just spoken to husbands and wives. Now it turns to the children of the house. Two questions follow. Why is a child's obedience called "right," and what does "in the Lord" add?
Obedience Moved to New Ground
Obedience to parents is not a Christian invention. It stood in nature and in the law. But the apostle does not just repeat it — he moves it to new ground.
The subjection of children to their parents is part of God's order as seen in nature. Under the law, God attached a special blessing to keeping the commandment that required this duty. Christianity takes up the obligation, but transplants it from natural ground to divine ground... So the obligation of children, like that of wives, is tied to "the Lord." It is not just what nature dictates, though that is perfectly right. It is the acknowledgment of the Lord's claims as represented in the parents. The Lord Himself, who "learned obedience," was the beautiful example of this. It is recorded that in His life on earth He went with His parents to Nazareth and "was submissive to them."
The Whole House Under One Name
The phrase "in the Lord" is not reserved for children. It runs through every instruction here, tying each member of the family to one authority.
Each of us acknowledges Christ as Lord, and we are to carry out the responsibilities of every relationship in the fear of the Lord. The wife is to be subject to her own husband "as to the Lord" (v. 22). Children are to obey their parents "in the Lord" (Ephesians 6:1). Fathers are to train their children in the "admonition of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4). Servants are to do "service as to the Lord" (Ephesians 6:7). And masters are to remember that they have a Master in heaven.
Why Not Simply Natural Affection
Family feeling is good. But the verse does not rest a child's obedience on it. Kelly explains why something stronger is needed.
A Christian household runs easily where the young obey — above all, where they "obey in the Lord." Natural affection is sweet, and the lack of it is a sign of the dangerous last days. But it is not enough. Conscience is not enough either. It matters greatly in its place, but it is not an adequate guard, and it cannot be a spring of power. The Lord is. And how blessed it is when duty is clothed with Him and absorbed in Him!
"For This Is Right"
The reason Paul gives is fitness. Command belongs to one place, obedience to the other.
Obedience is urged on two grounds. First, "For this is right" (Eph. 6:1). That is, God declares that obedience is a righteous thing for children to give their parents. It suits the place of a parent to command, and the place of a child to obey.
The same writer traces where the opposite road leads:
Even a little acquaintance with life shows that the first step in a downward career has often begun with disobedience to parents. Write the histories of all the poor prodigal sons and daughters who are now trying to satisfy their hunger with the "pods that the pigs ate." You will find that the root of all their misery goes back to self-will and refusal to submit in their father's home.
A Child With Direct Responsibility
The child is under the parent and, at the same time, answerable to Christ Himself. That double standing strengthens the parent's word and sets a limit on it.
It is of the first importance to notice that children are set in direct personal responsibility to the Lord. They are placed under parental authority. At the same time they are under responsibility to Christ, and so they are to obey "in the Lord." This at once defines both the character and the limit of their duty. The commands of the parent, when rightly given, have God's authority behind them, so the child obeys not only the parent but also the Lord. On the other hand, no command could be binding if the child could not obey it in the Lord.
Another writer shows what that limit looks like in practice:
There may be very unusual circumstances in which a parent asks a child to do something morally wrong — stealing, cheating, or worshipping an idol. This would be a plain exception. In that case the child should refuse to obey the parent, firmly but without defiance. Ephesians 6:1 reads, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord." So the child should always obey unless he is told to disobey the Lord.
Summary
- Ground. Obedience to parents already stood in nature and in the law. This verse lifts the same duty onto divine ground, where the parent's claim is the Lord's claim.
- Spring. Affection and conscience are good, but neither supplies power; the Lord Himself is the spring that makes duty easy and glad.
- Right. The reason given is fitness before God. It suits a parent to command and a child to obey. Self-will at home has been the first step in many ruined lives.
- Limit. "In the Lord" both binds and bounds. The child obeys the parent as obeying Christ, so no order that means disobeying Christ can bind him.
- Reach. The same three words govern wives, fathers, servants and masters. One Lord orders the whole household, not five separate rules.