with all lowliness and meekness, with long-suffering, bearing with one another in love;
Paul first describes what God has given. Then he turns to how that gift should look in daily life. He names four qualities: lowliness, meekness, patience, and forbearance in love. Commentators treat them as the test of a life worthy of God's calling.
Where these graces come from
The list is not a demand for effort out of nowhere. Writers trace it back to how close God has already brought us to Himself.
Paul unfolds the calling, and then calls on us to walk worthy of it, in the first part of chapter 4. God has brought us very close to Himself, and the necessary effect of that is lowliness and meekness. How could it be otherwise? The greatness of the grace makes nothing of self. This is not easy. You see it clearly in Christ's life, and in Philippians too.
The difference between lowliness and meekness
The first two words are close in meaning. Commentators tell them apart by how each one behaves when friction comes.
What is the difference between lowliness and meekness? Lowliness does not give offense, and meekness does not take offense. Both are needed if we are not to quarrel with our brothers and sisters. Third comes long-suffering, and fourth, "bearing with one another in love." All four qualities are meant to help us live at peace with each other, and to carry the suffering others may cause us.
Why patience comes next
The order of the four is not accidental. Lowliness and meekness are what I bring. Patience is what I need when the other person brings something else.
Lowliness and meekness are to mark us: how else can we walk together? ... If we let self have its way, fellowship becomes impossible. Resentment and strife are sure to follow. But suppose that, while we display lowliness and meekness, we find others are not like that? Then comes the opportunity of exercising long-suffering and forbearance in love.
Counterfeit forbearance
Paul does not simply say "bear with one another"; he adds in love. That addition is a safeguard, because it is possible to put up with someone while despising them.
We may have to put up with insults and rejection, and bear with those who treat us that way. But note the warning: this forbearance must be shown in love. It is possible to bear with much in the spirit of pride that treats an offending brother with contempt. If we have to be silent, let it be with love that grieves over unworthy conduct.
Tested in real church life
These are not abstract virtues. They are for one setting: life together in the church, where they get used every day.
The instructions in the first part of chapter 4, down to verse 16, have our calling in view. They speak to us not one by one, but as members of the body of Christ, the church. In the gatherings of the saints, how often friction occurs! A little experience of assembly life is enough to convince us that this is so. Here then is an immense field for cultivating the beautiful graces listed in verse 2.
A common misreading of lowliness
These words sound like putting yourself down. So people twist them into something God never asked for. One writer warns against this.
Nothing is more fitting in a believer than "lowliness and meekness," but perhaps nothing is more misunderstood. In too many cases Satan's craft turns these beautiful graces into doubts. Those doubts dishonour God and destroy the believer's peace. God never calls it lowliness and meekness to doubt the truth of His word, or the effectiveness of Christ's work. On the contrary, He counts it pride and presumption.
The living pattern
The two words Paul opens with are the two Jesus used of Himself. Writers point to that link for our model.
Our blessed Lord rises before our eyes. He Himself says, "I am gentle and lowly in heart" (Matthew 11:29). It touches the heart to think of "the mighty God," the eternal Son of God. He made countless wonders and holds up the whole universe. Yet He came down and became a man, so fully that He could say those words. We may well seek to follow in His steps.
Note: the ESV renders Matthew 11:29 "gentle and lowly in heart." Older translations read "meek and lowly" — the same word Paul uses in Ephesians 4:2.
Summary
- Grace first. God has brought us close to Himself, and that empties out self-importance. Lowliness is the effect of the calling, not a technique added to it.
- Self gone. Lowliness gives no offense and meekness takes none. Let self have its way, and fellowship breaks down into strife.
- Then patience. Long-suffering is what you need when the other person has not learned the first two.
- Love as the motive. Silence can be pride in disguise. Forbearance is only real when love grieves over the wrong instead of despising the person.
- Tested together. The four graces are for church life, where friction is common. We learn them by following the One who called Himself gentle and lowly in heart.