When I kept silence, my bones waxed old, through my groaning all the day long.
David looks back here at a time when he said nothing about his sin. The verse is his own report of what that silence cost him, in his body and in his soul.
This psalm has a name for hiding sin: guile. Older translations read "roaring" in verse 3 where the ESV has "groaning". One writer shows how the two are linked:
It is also a very miserable business. Guile only leads to groaning — for that is what the word "roaring" in verse 3 really means. In David's case the groaning came quickly. God laid His heavy hand of discipline on him by day and by night, and it withered him. It is a bad sign when guilt and guile bring no groaning. That means the sinner has stopped feeling, and perhaps that God is putting off His dealings until the coming day of reckoning. It is a happy thing when the groaning follows soon.
The same writer traces the habit of hiding back to the first man and woman:
Next comes guile. This means deceit, hypocrisy, lack of straightforwardness and honesty. It always follows guilt, always has done so from the beginning, as Genesis 3 bears witness. The moment the first man and woman became guilty, they tried to hide from God and to put the blame on someone else. Every soul of man does just the same. It is a deeply rooted instinct of our fallen race.
David does not describe a mood. He describes his skeleton aging. One writer sets the wasting bones against a struggle David would not end:
But the psalmist is not content just to declare how blessed grace is. He goes on to tell us how he reached this blessing — where grace met him and conquered him, after he had stubbornly resisted it. He tells us of the conviction that pressed on him to confession, and he would not confess. He kept silent. Yet deep in his soul he was roaring because of the turmoil, until his very bones, the most solid parts of the body, wasted away under the struggle.
David's crown gave him cover with people. It gave him none with God:
But David had been guilty of serious deceit, and refers to this in verse 3. He had kept silent, not confessing his sin to God; but God laid on his heart a virtually unbearable burden. How could his conscience rest when he had been guilty of adultery and murder? Being king, he could escape this disgrace before the people, but he could not avoid having to do with God. He felt his bones, the very framework of his body, growing old through his long, drawn-out groaning.
The pressure is God's own work, and it has an aim:
It is important to notice the work of the Spirit of God in what this soul goes through. God deals with a soul that will not submit itself fully. He brings it down into full subjection and confession. This is always the case, if the Lord's hand is on a man, until he owns the evil before God. Then comes forgiveness of the iniquity.
Meanwhile the silence brings no peace, only distance:
Oh, how true that is of a soul. Confession alone can remove this pressure. Under it there is a gnawing and a dissatisfaction, and a holding back and a distance too. You cannot help feeling it, and it is almost unbearable until confession clears away the dark cloud.
One writer argues that people tell the whole truth only when they know full pardon is on offer:
Full, absolute forgiveness — the not imputing sin at all — is what takes guile from the heart. Otherwise we run from God. We make excuses, or play the sin down, if we dare not defend it. Where full pardon is before us, we have courage to be true in heart. Who will not declare all his debts when their discharge by another is the only thing in question? Who will not tell his illness when a certain cure is available? Grace brings truth into the heart it has brought to confess its transgressions.
- Guilt breeds guile. Hiding is the oldest human reflex after sin, and silence before God is not neutral — it is deceit wearing a calm face.
- Guile breeds groaning. David's hidden sin aged his bones and drained his strength. A conscience that feels nothing is in worse danger than one that aches.
- Groaning is God's hand. The heavy hand is discipline, not abandonment. It lasts until the man owns the evil before God.
- No position exempts you. A king could manage his reputation before the people, but he could not avoid having to do with God.
- Grace ends the silence. Full forgiveness gives a person the courage to be honest. You declare your debts when someone else is paying them.
For day and night thy hand was heavy upon me; my moisture was turned into the drought of summer. Selah.
Psalm 32 is David's own account of what happened inside him after he sinned and said nothing about it. Verse 4 describes that silence — a hand pressing down without pause, a man drying up under it, and one question: whose hand was it?
Hiding sin does not bring peace. It brings groaning, and a body worn down under God's discipline.
Hiding sin is also a miserable business. Guile only leads to groaning — that is what the word "roaring" in verse 3 really means. In David's case the groaning came quickly. God laid His heavy hand of discipline on him by day and by night, and he withered under it. He says it vividly: "my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer." It is a bad sign when guilt and guile are not followed by groaning. That means the sinner has gone numb, and perhaps that God is holding back His dealings until the coming day of reckoning. It is a good thing when the groaning comes quickly.
(An older translation reads "my moisture is turned into the drought of summer.")
David's rank let him manage the public story. It did nothing for him at night.
He had kept silent, not confessing his sin to God; but God laid on his heart a virtually unbearable burden. How could his conscience rest when he had been guilty of adultery and murder? Being king, he could slip out of this stigma before the people, but he could not escape dealing with God. His bones, the very framework of his body, felt like they were growing old through his long, drawn-out groaning. Both day and night he felt God's hand laid heavily on him (v. 4), so that his strength was dried up as "the drought of summer."
The pressure was not random misfortune. It was God working on a soul that would not yet bend.
It is important to notice the work of the Spirit of God in the process the soul is going through here. The verse says, "Your hand was heavy upon me." These are God's dealings with a soul that does not fully submit, bringing it down into full subjection and confession… This is always true. If the Lord's hand is on a man, it stays there until he recognises the evil before God. Then there is forgiveness of the iniquity.
Something inside David was still alive to God, even while his mouth stayed shut.
He takes the sentence of death in himself. Death inside was eating him away like a moth eating a garment. He had no strength of grace yet to confess the sin, but the life inside him still felt the wound it had received. His spirit felt the grief it had been put through. Yet David kept silent and did not tell out his shame, because guile was still in his spirit.
The pressing did not stop at a partial admission. It went on until everything was out in the open.
The moment a sinner is in his true place before God, the whole question is settled. As soon as his real character is fully out in the open, there is no further difficulty. He may have to pass through much painful exercise before he reaches that point This painful exercise comes from his refusal to take his true place — his refusal to bring out "all the truth" about what he is. But the moment he is brought to say, from his heart, "just as I am," the free grace of God flows down to him… How long did the exercise last? Until the whole truth came out — until everything working inside him came to the surface.
Read on its own, verse 4 sounds like abandonment. Read to the end of the psalm, the same hand that dried him up is the hand that brought him to speak.
"When I kept silence," said David, "my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night Your hand was heavy upon me [wonderful, faithful love!]… I acknowledged my sin to You, and I did not cover my iniquity. I said, 'I will confess my transgressions to the LORD,' and You forgave the iniquity of my sin." What matchless grace, that answers at once this open confession of the truth before God. No — it is the grace of God that brings the heart to confess the sins, and then that same grace forgives.
- Silence. Hiding sin breeds guile, and guile only leads to groaning — the "roaring" of verse 3 is the sound of a man in pain.
- Weight. The hand pressing day and night is God's own hand at work on a soul that will not yet submit. It presses until there is full subjection and confession.
- Dryness. A king could hide the scandal from his people, but not from God. His bones wasted away and his strength dried up like land in summer heat.
- Duration. The pressure lasts until the whole truth surfaces — not a partial admission, but "just as I am" said from the heart.
- Love. The heavy hand is faithful love at work. The grace that brings the heart to confess is the same grace that forgives.