My son, if thou hast become surety for thy friend, if thou hast stricken thy hand for a stranger,
Proverbs 6 opens with a warning about money: putting your name behind another person's debt. The warning is urgent, and it comes with a way out for anyone who has already made the promise.
To act as surety is to take on someone else's debt as your own. The first question is not how close the friend is. It is whether you are ready to pay.
How necessary this warning is for believers, against becoming surety for someone they think of as a friend. If I commit myself to be surety for another person's debts, I must be ready to pay all those debts. I may think it is only a matter of time before I am repaid, but things do not always turn out that way — they do not even often turn out that way. Making pledges is also unwise for a believer, because they still hold him even when he sees they were not right at all. How much better never to make pledges, but to stay free to give gladly and without conditions whenever the occasion comes.
Notice what does the trapping. It is not a court, a creditor, or bad luck — it is a sentence the son himself spoke. That is why the alternative offered is giving without any string attached.
How much better it is never to make any pledges, but to be free to willingly give without conditions when the occasion for this arises.
A kind person can hear the command to love your neighbour as yourself and decide that signing is the loving thing to do. So God gives His own people counsel here, rather than leaving the choice to feeling.
It was all the more striking that the LORD should give counsel to His own people, who might feel awkward because of His command to love your neighbour as yourself. He did not leave the matter to human judgment, or to the clash between that judgment and kind feeling. Instead He warns of the dangerous result of giving in to impulse.
Commentators differ on how absolute the ban is. Some read it as a flat ban where a stranger is involved. Others read it as a warning against acting without thinking, and they attach a clear test.
Does this word, then, forbid such an act of kindness outright? It certainly warns against the thoughtless haste that too often goes into such a promise. If you are ready before God to lose everything at stake, and you believe it is His will, you are free. But even apart from the claims of your own family, are you not a steward? Are you sure the arrangement will bear the light? Is it for speculation?
Another writer draws the same line, and admits how hard it can be to say no.
Proverbs condemns becoming surety for another person as unwise... It condemns being surety for a stranger completely. Many a Christian has suffered by going surety for a friend. It may be hard to refuse, but it is unrighteousness unless the one who stands surety can bear the loss, should it fall on him.
The verse does not shame the person who has already given his word. There is a way out, and it starts with swallowing pride.
But suppose you have already spoken the words, and you wake up to see your folly. Do not give in to pride or stubbornness. "Save yourself" — and not by scolding your neighbour, but by admitting the plain truth that you were careless. "Give your eyes no sleep and your eyelids no slumber" until this is done.
Acting fast matters as much as being humble, and the gain goes beyond money.
If in true humility I apologize to him at once after I have failed, and do not put it off, the results will always be good. I will free myself like a gazelle from the hand of the hunter, and like a bird from the trapper's snare. At least this will remove the bad feelings between friends, which would otherwise only grow.
The opening of the chapter carries a second warning alongside this one. Together they cover both directions of time.
The beginning of this chapter sets out two great principles of life: do not bind yourself for the future, and do not be lazy and idle in the present... Binding yourself for the future means committing to something whose outcome no one can control.
Proverbs warns us away from standing surety for a stranger. One Person did it anyway.
Solomon, who was both wealthy and wise, warns in his book of Proverbs against standing surety. "Whoever puts up security for a stranger will surely suffer harm" (Proverbs 11:15). Still, the Lord Jesus Christ, in His matchless grace, took up our cause — and we were strangers indeed. He Himself took on our liabilities and paid our debts. The sorrows and sufferings of the Cross show us the price He had to pay for our Redemption.
- Word — Your own promise is the trap. It still holds you after you see it was unwise.
- Weight — Before you sign, ask if you could pay the whole loss yourself. If not, taking it on is not kindness.
- Wisdom — Kind feeling says yes. God gives counsel instead of impulse, and asks whether you are a steward of what you are risking.
- Way out — If you have already given your word, go at once. Humble yourself, admit your own carelessness, and do not sleep until it is settled.
- Surety — What you cannot safely do for a stranger, Christ did for us. He took our debts and paid them in full.
thou art snared with the words of thy mouth, thou art taken with the words of thy mouth.
Proverbs 6 opens with a father's alarm: his son has promised to pay another man's debt. This verse names the result — the son's own words have caught him, and the question now is whether he can get free.
The snare is not a creditor's cruelty or a friend's dishonesty. It is the pledge itself.
This warning is so necessary for believers. It warns against becoming surety for someone you think is a friend. If I commit myself to be surety for a man's debts, I must be prepared to pay all those debts. I may think it is only a matter of time before I am repaid, but things do not always — or even often — turn out that way. Making pledges is not wise for a believer either. He will be held to them even when he sees they are not at all appropriate.
The pledge does more than create a debt. It hands your future to the other man.
The moral sense is clear: "go and get it settled" at once, even if the process is humbling. The connection with humbling yourself is this. You have taken responsibility for the man. Now you must go and press him to clear you and get you out of the trouble. This is very humbling, but you are in his hand. I suppose those who have been in this position know that "going surety" generally means "paying".
Solomon repeats this warning later in the book, and the losses it describes are not theoretical.
Then Solomon warns his son against going surety for his friend or striking a bargain with a stranger. "He who hates striking hands in pledge is secure" (Proverbs 11:15). How many businessmen have suffered by not paying attention to this instruction.
The way out is not to tear up the promise. It costs the man his pride instead.
It was all the more notable that Jehovah should counsel His own here. They might feel embarrassed by His command to love your neighbour as yourself. He does not leave the matter to human judgment, or to its clash with kind feeling. He warns of the dangerous result of yielding to impulse. If you have taken the unwise step, it is right to admit it. It is wrong to break the words you have spoken, even though they hurt. What then is fitting? "Go, humble yourself and plead urgently with your neighbour." This is painful, but healthy. Jehovah will not fail to bless obedience to His word. He will make a way of escape for both, though each may have to suffer for his own share of fault.
The warning targets a particular fault — speaking before thinking — not kindness itself. And the way out begins with owning the mistake rather than blaming the other party.
Does this word then completely forbid such an act of kindness? It certainly warns against the thoughtless haste that so often goes into such a deal. If you are prepared before God to lose everything that is at stake, and you believe it is His will, you are free. But quite apart from the claims of closer relationships, are you not a steward? Are you sure the undertaking will bear the light? Is it for speculation? But suppose you have spoken the words and you wake up to see your folly — do not give way to pride or stubbornness. "Deliver yourself"; and do it, not by scolding your neighbour, but by confessing the plain truth of your own carelessness.
There is one exception to Solomon's rule.
Suretyship. He became surety of a better covenant (Hebrews 7:22). Solomon was both wealthy and wise. In his book of Proverbs he warns against being surety: "Whoever puts up security for a stranger will surely suffer harm" (Proverbs 11:15). Yet the Lord Jesus Christ, in His matchless grace, took up our cause — strangers indeed. He Himself took on our liabilities and paid our debts. The sorrows and sufferings of the cross show us the price He had to pay for our redemption.
- Snared — the trap in this verse is self-made; a man's own mouth catches him, and the pledge holds even after he regrets it.
- Handed over — the pledge puts your future in your neighbour's hand, and going surety usually means paying.
- Humbled — the way out is not to break your word. Go at once, admit your carelessness, and urge your neighbour to release you.
- Tested — kindness is not forbidden. Ask if you could bear the whole loss before God. You are a steward of what is not your own.
- Paid — Christ is the one Surety who took on strangers' debts. At the cross He paid what we could never cover.