For the lips of the strange woman drop honey, and her mouth is smoother than oil;
Proverbs 5 opens with a father asking his son to listen. Verse 3 gives the reason: another voice is in the world, and it sounds sweeter than his. The verse does not deny that her words are pleasant. It asks why that sweetness is the first thing to fear.
Where the ESV says "forbidden woman," older translations read "strange woman." That one word carries a settled meaning across the Old Testament.
The character of the woman is here (v. 3) "a strange woman." "Strange" is a word much used and important. All gods that are not Jehovah are strange gods; fire not from the altar was strange fire. It means what does not belong to us, what is not in the divinely given relationship we stand in. Anyone but Jehovah was a stranger. Any fire but the consecrated fire was strange. Anyone but the shepherd was a stranger. This was mere corrupt lust. The woman was a stranger to the relationship God formed.
The verse does not call her wicked first. It calls her not yours — outside the bond God made.
Honey and oil describe how she talks, not what she is.
She speaks nice, persuasive words, sweet and smooth. But her words are as false as her heart. They lead to an end as bitter as wormwood. Like a two-edged sword, they come back on the head of the one who wields it (v. 4).
The order of verses 3 and 4 carries the warning: the taste comes first, the cost comes later.
Nothing in nature is as lovely as affection. But how ruinous and defiling it is when the fear of God does not guide it! It is He who puts us and keeps us in our relationships, which are the ground of our duties. But a strange woman is such because she ignores and forsakes them, and seeks to entice others. Fair words of flattery may be the beginning, sweet to the flesh. But her end is extreme bitterness, and often deep wounds. And it is not only the loss of present happiness — the end of those things is death. Satan uses her to stop all reflection and to shut out all light from above.
The warning is not theory. It came to a king who later did the very thing it forbade.
The repeated warnings against the "strange woman" are of special interest. In his youth the Spirit of God warned him against strange women. These are the women of other nations, Gentiles. The passage in Deuteronomy says, "He shall not acquire many wives for himself, lest his heart turn away." The Spirit of the Lord foresaw the sad end of the great and wise king. So He warned him against the strange woman. She is pictured as the harlot who ensnares, and her ways end in death. But the heavenly wisdom that had instructed and warned him was not heeded.
Commentators differ here. Some keep the warning close to the sin itself. Others see a second layer in it.
It is a warning against actual sexual sin. It also warns against the spiritual fornication that goes with it: turning away from the worship of Jehovah to worship idols. These verses describe the dreadful results of sinful lust in vivid detail.
Others see her as a picture of a religious system marked by deception:
One great section of the professing Christian world has been marked by deception from its very beginning. Who has not read in her public history of her speaking words like honey, while those words come from a heart like a two-edged sword? "Her steps follow the path to Sheol," and that will be the end of all who give in to her.
Once honey is on the lips, argument is not the defence. Absence is.
And what is the counsel given here? Prompt and thorough steering clear. "And now, O sons, listen to me, and do not depart from the words of my mouth. Keep your way far from her, and do not go near the door of her house." So must everyone act who would keep moral purity. The path of life is far from her and her house.
- Strange. The key word means what is not yours. She stands outside the relationship God Himself formed, like fire that never came from the altar.
- Sweet. Honey and oil describe her speech only; the words are as false as the heart behind them.
- Sequence. Verse 3 is the taste and verse 4 is the bill: fair flattery at the beginning, extreme bitterness and death at the end.
- Solomon. The king who wrote the warning ignored it. He married foreign wives, and they turned his heart away. The danger is real, not just words.
- Steer clear. The counsel is not to argue with her. Move your whole way far off, and do not even approach her door.
but her end is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword.
Verse 3 describes honey on her lips and oil in her speech. This verse shows where those words land, and asks the reader to judge the invitation by its end, not by its sound.
The warning starts with the name of a bitter plant. In the Bible that name is never literal:
laanah, ἄψινθος. This occurs in Scripture only in a metaphorical sense. Turning to idolatry is compared to being a root that bears gall and wormwood, Deuteronomy 29:18. Some turned "judgment to wormwood," probably referring to unrighteous judges, Amos 5:7. Because of the wickedness of His people, God said He would feed them with wormwood and give them water of gall to drink, Jeremiah 9:15; 23:15. When the third trumpet sounds in Revelation, a star named Wormwood falls from heaven and turns a third of the waters to wormwood, and many people die from them: the moral sources of life will become destructive, Revelation 8:10-11.
Verse 3 and verse 4 describe one path, not two. The flesh tastes the sweetness first, and the same path turns bitter later. The harm does not stop at this life.
Fair words of flattery may be the beginning, sweet to the flesh. But her end is extreme bitterness, and often deep wounds. And it is not the loss of present happiness only: the end of those things is death, and after death comes the judgment. Satan uses her to hinder all reflection, and to shut out all light from above. So the will works without check, and self-indulgence numbs the conscience more and more.
A two-edged sword cuts both ways. That is how her smooth words work.
She speaks nice, persuasive words, sweet and smooth. But her words are as false as her heart. They lead to an end as bitter as wormwood, and, like a two-edged sword, they come back on the head of the one who wields them.
The bitterness is not an accident. The Bible's word "strange" explains it.
"Strange" is a word used a good deal, and it is important. All gods that are not the LORD are strange gods; fire that was not from the altar was strange fire. It is what does not belong to us, what is outside the relationship God has given us. God made them male and female, "bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh" — the closest relationship, belonging to him. The expression of that was right. This was mere corrupt lust. The woman was a stranger to the relationship God formed. It drained the nature and the heart, and ended in death.
Because the end is bitter, the counsel in this chapter is distance. And it does not stop at staying away. It ends with a Person to follow.
And what is the counsel given here? Prompt and thorough steering clear. "And now, children, listen to me, and do not depart from the words of my mouth. Keep your way far from her, and do not go near the door of her house." So must everyone act who would keep moral purity. The path of life is far from her and her house. Christ alone gives eternal life and guides it; His word for anyone in such a world as this is, Follow Me.
Commentators differ on how far the picture reaches. Some keep it to the plain moral warning. Others see this woman as a picture of a religious system with the same two marks: deception and instability.
Two more marks of this evil woman appear here: deception and instability. One large section of the Christian world has been marked by deception from its very start. Who has not read in her public history of her speaking words like honey, while they came from a heart like a two-edged sword? Her steps follow the path to Sheol, and that will be the end of all who give in to her. Instead of working for the truth on the path of life, they give their time to everything that belongs to this present world.
- Taste — wormwood is never literal in Scripture. It stands for bitterness: the root of idolatry, and the cup God gave His people for their wickedness.
- Trap — the sweetness is bait. Flattery is only the beginning; the end is bitterness, deep wounds, and death.
- Turn — a two-edged sword cuts back; her words return on the head of the one who takes them up.
- Trespass — she is called "strange" because she is outside the relationship God formed. That path drains the heart and ends in death.
- Track — the answer is distance: keep far from her door. Then follow Christ, who alone gives eternal life and guides it.
Her feet go down to death; her steps take hold on Sheol.
The sweet words of verse 4 have a destination, and this verse names it: her feet are already walking downhill. Two questions follow — who is this woman, and what is the Sheol her steps lead to?
Where does all that sweetness end? One writer traces the arc from the first compliment to the judgment after death.
Nothing in nature is so lovely as affection. But how ruinous and defiling it is when the fear of God does not guide it! He is the One who puts us into our relationships and keeps us there. Those relationships are the ground of our duties. But a strange woman is strange because she ignores and abandons them, and tries to entice others. Fine words of flattery may be the beginning, sweet to the flesh. But her end is extreme bitterness, and often deep wounds. It is not only the loss of present happiness — the end of those things is death; and after death comes the judgment. Satan uses her to stop all reflection, and to shut out all light from above.
The word does not mean foreign in the sense of unfamiliar. It marks something as lying outside the bond God Himself formed.
"Strange" is a word much used and important. All gods that are not Jehovah are strange gods; fire not from the altar was strange fire. It means what does not belong to us, what is outside the relationship God has given us. God made them male and female, "bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh." That is the closest possible relationship, and the woman belonged to the man. Expressing that was right. This was nothing but corrupt lust. The woman was a stranger to the relationship God formed. It drained the nature and the heart, and ended in death.
The same writer shows where the downward turn starts.
Evil draws the heart away and turns it into another channel. Instead of weighing "the path of life," it follows the path of lust to death. The soul no longer weighs what is right.
The verse names two body parts in motion, and both point one way. One writer separates the near result from the far one.
Her feet and her steps go downward. Death is their quick result, and hell their more lasting and dreadful end (v. 5).
Where that writer says "hell," the verse says "Sheol."
Sheol is often translated "grave," and three times "pit." It refers to an invisible place or state. It may have several applications, depending on the connection of each passage.
Commentators read this warning on two levels. The first is plain and physical; the second follows from it, because turning from the true God is itself described in Scripture as unfaithfulness in marriage.
It is a warning against literal fornication. It also warns against the spiritual fornication that goes with it: turning away from the worship of Jehovah and worshipping idols. It describes the dreadful results of sinful lust in vivid detail.
Read the second way, the verse judges any religious system that flatters and leads people nowhere good. The writer below quotes an older translation of the line: "her steps take hold on Sheol."
Who has not read in her public history of her speaking words like honey, while her heart is like a two-edged sword? "Her steps take hold on Sheol," and that will be the end of all who give in to her. Instead of working for the truth on the path of life, those who follow her give their time to everything that belongs to this "present world." Truly, "her ways wander." She has neither the time nor the desire to think about the path of life. She will not consider where her road ends.
There is another road, and it does not pass her house.
And what is the counsel given here? Keep well clear, at once and completely... So must everyone act who wants to keep moral purity. The path of life is far from her and her house. Christ alone gives eternal life and guides it; His word to anyone in a world like this is, Follow Me.
- Strange — the word marks what falls outside the relationship God formed. Strange fire was fire not taken from the altar. Her whole appeal rests on a bond that was never hers to offer.
- Sweet — flattery is the opening move, pleasant to the flesh. The end is extreme bitterness, deep wounds, and after death the judgment.
- Down — feet and steps travel one direction. Death is the quick result. Sheol, the unseen place, is the longer and more dreadful end.
- Wider — the same warning covers spiritual unfaithfulness. Any system that talks like honey and never asks where its road ends takes its followers to the same place.
- Away — the counsel is not care near the door but prompt and thorough distance. The path of life runs far from her house, and Christ alone gives and guides that life.
Lest she should ponder the path of life, her ways wander, she knoweth not [whither].
The warning about the seductive stranger ends with what makes her so hard to escape: her path cannot be traced. Older translations split the line two ways: she never weighs the path of life, or she keeps the young man from weighing it.
One writer shows how the Bible uses the word "strange" elsewhere, and what it says about the relationship broken here.
"Strange" is a word used a good deal, and it is important. All gods that are not the Lord are strange gods; fire not taken from the altar was strange fire. It means what does not belong to us, what falls outside the relationship God gave us. God made them male and female — "bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh." That is the closest possible relationship, as belonging to him. The expression of that was right. This was mere corrupt lust; the woman was a stranger to that relationship God had formed. It drained the nature and the heart, and it ended in death. Evil lures the heart away and turns it into another channel. It turns away from pondering "the path of life," and follows the path of lust to death. What is right is not weighed in the soul.
Her shifting path is not an accident. One writer names who is behind it, and what it is aimed at.
Satan uses her to block all reflection and to shut out all light from above. The strange woman abuses the quick perception of her sex. She confuses moral discernment by changes no one else can follow. So self-will works unchecked, and conscience grows more and more numb through self-indulgence.
One writer traces where her steps end, and what a close look at her path shows.
Her feet and her steps go downward, with death as their quick result, and hell as their more lasting and dreadful end (v. 5). Anyone who stops to study her path on earth will find her ways so unstable that they insult his intelligence. That is, they are stupid.
The same two marks appear in more than private sin. One writer finds them in the religious world.
The other two marks of this evil woman brought before us here are deception and instability. One large part of the Christian world has been marked by deception from the very start… Those marked by her ways do not work for the truth in the path of life. They give their time to everything that belongs to this "present world." Truly, "her ways wander." She has neither the time nor the desire to ponder the path of life, or to consider where the road she is on ends. And so that those who follow her should not ponder that path either, "her ways wander." She is the very last person the sons of wisdom should listen to.
One writer applies the verse to Satan, quoting it in older wording.
Nothing is more common than to see him in the clothing of religion. He is familiar with the language of "love." He can appear as an angel of light, and his ministers can appear as ministers of righteousness… We cannot defeat him by using his own weapons and tactics. In the battle with him, keep in mind what Proverbs 5:6 says of the strange woman: "lest you should ponder the path of life, her ways are changeable so that you should not know them."
She never ponders the path of life. One writer points to the Lord, who ponders every step a man takes, and to the one safeguard.
"The ways of man are before the eyes of the Lord, and He ponders all his goings" (5:21). The steps of the seducer lead to death and to hell. So we should say in earnest to anyone in danger: do not listen to her words! They may drop like honey, and her lips may be smoother than oil. Pay attention to the words of Wisdom! Let the words of life, the words of our Lord Jesus Christ, enter your ears! Let them sink down into your heart! For faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.
- Strange — the word marks what falls outside the relationship God formed. The pull is not just toward another person. It is out of what God gave.
- Unweighed — evil lures the heart away, and it stops weighing what is right. Thinking is the first thing lost.
- Unstable — her shifting path is built to defeat moral discernment. Look at it closely and it is just stupid.
- Unmasked — the same two marks, deception and instability, show up in corrupt religion. It has no time to ask where its road ends.
- Undeceived — the Lord ponders every step a man takes. The safeguard is letting the words of Wisdom sink into your heart.
And now, children, hearken unto me, and depart not from the words of my mouth.
Proverbs 5 has just described a woman whose words are sweet at the start and bitter at the end. Now the warning stops describing the danger and asks for a hearing.
After the danger comes the call to listen — and then a plain command.
And what is the counsel given here? Prompt and thorough steering clear. "Keep your way far from her, and do not go near the door of her house." So must everyone act who would keep moral purity. The path of life is far from her and her house. Christ alone gives eternal life and guides it; His word for anyone in a world like this is, Follow Me.
The appeal is urgent because of what these words expose: a sweet beginning and a deadly end.
Nothing in nature is so lovely as affection. But how ruinous and defiling it is when the fear of God does not guide it! He is the One who puts us in our relationships and keeps us there. Those relationships are the ground of our duties. But a strange woman is strange because she ignores and abandons them, and tries to entice others. Fair words of flattery may be the start, sweet to the flesh; but her end is extreme bitterness, and often deep wounds. And it is not only the loss of present happiness — the end of those things is death; and after death comes judgment.
Up to now the chapter has spoken to one son. Here it speaks to children, and one writer shows why even a small step away is dangerous.
Verse 7 now speaks to children rather than to one son. It tells them to hear now. We may well hear God speaking in this way: "do not depart from the words of My mouth." Only what seems a small departure can be most dangerous. If someone trifles with harmful evil in the least detail, it has a way of dragging that heart farther down. A wealthy man once wanted to hire a driver for a very narrow road with a steep drop at the edge. He asked each applicant how close he could come to the edge without going over. Various drivers said how close they thought they could get. One answered that he would keep as far from the edge as he could. The rich man hired him.
The warning is not only a ban. Behind it stands something God set up for man's good.
The lusts of the flesh war against the soul, and even in this life they produce nothing but shame. Against them Jehovah set up the holy relations of marriage in the sinless paradise of Eden. What a safeguard for man, now an outcast through his own sin! ... How gracious of Him to warn and guard weak, passionate man from his own ruinous will!
Commentators read the strange woman on more than one level. One writer sees two kinds of unfaithfulness in view at once.
It is a warning against literal fornication, and against the spiritual fornication that goes with it. That means turning away from the worship of Jehovah and worshipping idols. It describes the dreadful results of sinful lust in vivid detail. How many a young man has found out in his immoral life that these words are true.
One writer points to the king himself. He was warned in his youth, and his own history shows what ignoring the warning costs.
The Spirit of the Lord saw ahead the sad end of the great and wise king. So He warned him against the strange woman, pictured as the harlot who traps men and whose ways end in death. But he did not heed the heavenly wisdom that had instructed and warned him. It is written, "King Solomon loved many foreign women" ... Then came his downfall. "For when Solomon was old his wives turned away his heart after other gods."
- Now. The word turns warning into command. It asks for a hearing today, not later.
- Words. The words not to leave are the instruction already spoken. Even the smallest step away drags the heart farther down.
- Distance. The counsel is prompt and thorough steering clear. Do not measure how near the edge you can drive; stay as far from it as you can.
- Guarding. Behind the ban stands God's own gift of marriage. He warns to guard weak, passionate man from his own ruinous will.
- Solomon. Wisdom warned him in his youth and he did not heed it. The king became the proof of what refusing the warning costs.
Remove thy way far from her, and come not nigh the door of her house
Proverbs 5 has just described a voice that sounds sweet and an end that is bitter. Verse 8 is the counsel that follows: it does not tell the young man how to argue with temptation, but where not to stand.
One writer shows what the word "strange" carries through the Old Testament. It marks whatever stands outside a bond God Himself formed:
"Strange" is a word used a good deal, and it is important. All gods that are not the LORD are strange gods; fire not from the altar was strange fire. It means what does not belong to us, what is not in the divinely given relationship in which we stand… God made them male and female, "bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh," the closest possible relationship, as belonging to him. The expression of that was right. This was mere corrupt lust; the woman was a stranger to this divinely formed relationship.
The verse does not say resist her at the door. It says live somewhere else, so the will never travels that road:
The special warning of verse 8 is withdrawal. It is not coming near the door of her house. It is living away in another scene of thought and being, where the will does not go down the path of lust, and lust has no occasion to seize hold of the will.
Another writer states the counsel plainly, and sets against her house the one guide who gives life:
And what is the counsel given here? Prompt and thorough steering clear… So must everyone act who would keep moral purity. The path of life is far from her and her house. Christ alone gives eternal life and guides it; His word for anyone in a world like this is, Follow Me.
Another writer puts it in everyday terms. Sin starts with the occasion, and prayer for safety means little while you walk toward the danger:
If you would not be overcome by temptation, flee the "occasions of sin." Occasions of sin have great power to awaken lust within. A man who wants to stay free from infection will not go near an infected house. The Nazirite was forbidden wine, and could not eat grapes either, since grapes might lead to drunkenness. Do not come near the borders of temptation. Many pray, "Lead us not into temptation," and yet run themselves into temptation.
Why not stay and argue with her? Because she works to shut down thought. Whoever lingers loses the very judgment he needs to escape.
Flattering words may be the beginning, sweet to the flesh. But her end is extreme bitterness, and often deep wounds… Satan uses her to prevent all reflection, and to shut out all light from above. She misuses the quick perception of her sex to confuse moral discernment, by changes no one else can follow. So the will works unchecked, and conscience is more and more numbed by self-indulgence.
There is a positive side to the warning. The same writer points to the marriage God set up before sin entered the world:
The lusts of the flesh war against the soul, and even here they produce nothing but shame. In contrast, the LORD set up the holy relations of marriage in the sinless paradise of Eden. What a safeguard for man when he became an outcast through his own sin!… How gracious of Him to warn and guard weak, passionate man from his own ruinous will!
Commentators differ on how far the picture reaches. Some read it as covering two things at once: "a warning against literal fornication and the accompanying spiritual fornication, turning away from the worship of the LORD and worshipping idols" (Arno Clemens Gaebelein). Another writer applies it to the heart:
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This strange woman will make a bid to secure our affections, which Christ alone has a right to. Later in this book we meet the appeal, "My son, give Me your heart" (Prov. 23:26)… It is essential that we avoid this woman if our affections are to be kept for Christ.
- Strange — the word marks what lies outside the relationship God formed. The danger is not about feeling; it is about belonging.
- Withdraw — the command is not to resist at her door. It is to live in another scene altogether, where the will never sets out.
- Distance — a man who avoids infection stays away from the infected house. Praying against temptation while walking toward it makes no sense.
- Reflection — she works by stopping thought. Stay near, and you lose the judgment you need to escape.
- Home — the other side of the warning is the marriage God set up in Eden, and affection kept for Christ, who alone gives life and says, Follow Me.
lest thou give thine honour unto others, and thy years unto the cruel;
The verse just before tells the son to keep far away from the strange woman. This one gives the reason. It names the cost of ignoring the warning: honour handed to strangers, and the best years of a life handed to someone who shows no mercy.
The verse names three losses. Each one lands in someone else's hands. One commentator walks through them:
If we give in to the temptations of a foolish woman, we will lose whatever honour we have. Others will take advantage of the experience of our years. Strangers will take over whatever wealth we have, and they will tear away what we have worked for. Then we will not rejoice in the Lord, as every believer should. We will mourn instead, as we look at our flesh and our body wasted away.
The honey at the start turns bitter at the end. That is not bad luck. It is how God governs the world:
Is the warning not heeded? What follows lays bare the paths of death. For there is a righteous government, whatever the tangles of this life. Selfishness reaps its sad reward. No one can give in to it and go unpunished. So beware of self-indulgence… Bitter self-reproach is the end of the honey and oil that captivated at the beginning.
The chapter calls this woman "strange." The word has a fixed sense in the Old Testament:
"Strange" is a word used a good deal, and it is important. All gods that are not the Lord are strange gods; fire not taken from the altar was strange fire. It means what does not belong to us. It is outside the relationship God has given us… God made them male and female, "bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh." That is the closest relationship there is, and she belonged to him. The expression of that was right. This was merely corrupt lust; the woman was a stranger to the relationship God formed. It drained the nature and the heart, and ended in death.
How much room should a person leave? One commentator answers with a story:
Even what seems a small departure can be very dangerous. If a person trifles with harmful evil in the smallest detail, it has a way of dragging the heart further down. A wealthy man once wanted to hire a driver for a narrow road with a steep drop at the edge. He asked each applicant how close he could drive to the edge without going over. Several told him how close they thought they could come. One answered that he would keep as far from the edge as he could. That man got the job.
The chapter does not stop at warnings. It offers the son something better, and it is older than sin itself:
The lusts of the flesh war against the soul, and even here they end in nothing but shame. In contrast, the Lord set up the holy relations of marriage in the sinless paradise of Eden. What a safeguard for man, once he became an outcast through his own sin! … How gracious of Him to warn weak, passionate man and to guard him from his own ruinous will!
Commentators read this woman on two levels. Some take her as a warning about conduct. Others see a rival claim on the heart:
This short section warns us about the danger of our affections going astray. The verses before this appeal encourage us to give our whole affection to the One who has a right to it. This strange woman will make a bid for the affections that belong to Christ alone. Later in this book we meet the appeal, "My son, give me your heart." … It is essential that we avoid this woman if we are to keep our affections for Christ.
- Honour — lust takes reputation first. What took years to build goes to people who did nothing for it.
- Years — the strength of a life goes to "the merciless," someone with no interest in the man's good. Sin drains the nature and the heart, and it ends in death.
- Wealth — earnings follow honour and years out the door. Strangers take them, and the man ends up mourning over a wasted body.
- Distance — copy the driver who stays far from the edge. A small yielding is the whole danger. God's righteous government lets no self-indulgence go unpunished.
- Home — the cure is not bare restraint but a better love. God set marriage in Eden before sin. A heart given to Christ and to that home has nothing left for the stranger.
lest strangers be filled with thy wealth, and the fruits of thy toil [come] into the house of a stranger;
This warning is about a bill that comes due in this life. A man spends his strength, and the fruit of his work ends up in a house that is not his own. The chapter presses one question: who has a right to what God gave you?
The verse turns on two words: "strangers" and "foreigner." One writer shows what the Bible means when it calls something strange.
The character of the woman here is "a strange woman." "Strange" is a word used a good deal, and it is important. All gods that are not Jehovah are strange gods; fire not taken from the altar was strange fire. It means what does not belong to us — what stands outside the relationship God gave us. Anyone but Jehovah was a stranger; any fire but the consecrated fire was strange; anyone but the shepherd was a stranger. God made them male and female, "bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh" — the closest possible relationship, as belonging to him. This was mere corrupt lust; the woman was a stranger to that relationship God had formed. It drained the nature and the heart, and ended in death.
So the loss is exact. What belongs in one house ends up in another.
The same writer weighs this sin against violence.
Chapter 5 takes up the question of purity in our ways, as the question of violence has already been dealt with. We have relationships and affections ordered by God, instead of lusts and self-gratification in sin. What a difference! Nothing degrades the heart and understanding like corrupt lusts. No doubt violence is bad enough. Yet it does not degrade a man within. It does not pollute and destroy the source of the affections — but corrupt lusts do. What would have been affection for another becomes corrupt heartlessness.
The same writer points to the instruction given earlier in the chapter.
The special warning is withdrawal — not coming near the door of her house. It means living somewhere else in thought and life, where the will does not go down the path of lust, and lust gets no chance to seize the will.
One writer takes up what happens when that counsel is refused.
Is the warning not heeded? What follows lays bare the paths of death. For there is a righteous government, whatever the complications of this life. Selfishness reaps its sad reward. No one can give way to it and escape. Beware then of self-indulgence, "lest strangers take their fill of your strength, and your labors go to the house of a foreigner"… Bitter self-reproach is the end of the honey and oil that captivated at the beginning.
Older translations read "your wealth" here where the ESV reads "your strength."
Jacob sinned against his father and brother, then spent long years working in another man's house. One writer draws two lessons from it.
First, for his comfort, he will learn that all his failures will not alter God's purpose to bless him in sovereign grace. Second, for his correction, he will learn that God's sovereign grace will not hold back God's chastening hand because of his failures. The Lord's sovereign grace does not set aside His faithful government. Jacob still has to go his lonely way as a wanderer. He must spend long years in toil and bondage in the house of the stranger, because of his sin against his father and brother. He has to reap what he has sown.
One writer applies the verse to Christian service. Honest work can drain into a house that is not the Lord's.
One visible anxiety of the believer… is that he should give his service wisely to the Lord. But he must gather God's purposes for this time from the written word. Otherwise his labours will often go the wrong way, and their results may go more to the house of the stranger (Prov. 5:10) than to God's. Instead of serving with his ability in God's field, he may turn his powers into channels that return no lasting fruit to the Lord's glory. His Spirit would never have led him there.
- Stranger. The word means whatever stands outside the relationship God Himself formed — strange gods, strange fire, a strange woman. The verse is about what God gave you ending up in another house.
- Strength. The drain reaches the man himself. Corruption pollutes the source of the affections in a way that other sins do not.
- Sowing. God's righteous government still runs in this world. Self-indulgence reaps its reward, and no one gives way to it and escapes.
- Servitude. Jacob spent long years toiling in the house of the stranger. Grace secured his blessing; it did not cancel his harvest.
- Service. Honest work can drain the same way. Effort poured into channels that bear no lasting fruit goes to the stranger's house, not God's.
and thou mourn in thine end, when thy flesh and thy body are consumed;
The warning of Proverbs 5 does not end at the bedroom door. It follows a man to the end of his life and leaves him groaning among the wreckage. Why does the pain arrive so late? And what is he mourning when it comes?
The groaning at the end began with flattery. One writer follows the whole path, and the loss does not stop at death:
Fair words of flattery may be the beginning, sweet to the flesh; but her end is bitterness extreme, and often deep wounds. It is not only loss of present happiness; the end of those things is death, and after death comes the judgment. Satan uses her to hinder all reflection, and to shut out all light from above.
The verse arrives after a list of losses. Reading them in order shows what "the end" costs:
If we give in to the temptations of a foolish woman, we shall lose whatever honor we have. Others will take advantage of the experience of our years (v. 9). Strangers will take whatever wealth we have and tear away what we have worked for (v. 10). Then, instead of rejoicing in the Lord, as all believers ought to, we shall mourn as we look at our flesh and our body wasted away (v. 11). How sad if it takes this long for someone to come to his senses!
What the man says at the end is not a complaint against God:
Bitter self-reproach is the end of the honey and oil that captivated at the beginning; and no wonder, after a career of sin and shame. It is a look back at guilty self-pleasing. It was recklessness that valued no authority and gave neither respect nor obedience.
Another writer notes what is missing from the man's regret:
What he remembers when he is ruined is not that he had failed to follow a right way, but that his own will had been at work and he had despised the warnings. He had hated being set right.
The wasted body is not bad luck. It is a harvest, and God is the one who watches:
God observes it, and he reaps the consequence... His own sins bring him into sorrow and misery; he eats the fruit of his ways. God is not mocked. What a man sows he reaps, and this remains... God has so ordered things that sin bears its fruits: a man sows to the flesh and reaps corruption.
So the counsel is not moderation but distance:
The special warning (v. 8) is to withdraw, and not to come near the door of her house. It is to live away in another world of thought and life. There the will does not go down the path of lust, and lust gets no chance to take hold of the will.
The warning is not only negative. God set up a safeguard of His own:
The desires of the flesh war against the soul, and even here they produce nothing but shame. In contrast, the Lord set up the holy relations of marriage in the sinless paradise of Eden. What a safeguard for man, when he is an outcast through his own sin!
This verse describes real lives, including lives in Christian homes:
It is a true description of the sad fate of many a young man... And think of the number of families, Christian families too, who have had to bear the bitter shame of it. One of their own did not listen to Solomon's warning, pressed on his son again and again. You cannot simply pass this over. To enter into a conspiracy of silence on these sensitive subjects is not wise, and it is certainly not what the Bible does.
The sharpest proof is the author himself:
Solomon received these repeated warnings. Yet great prosperity and honor came to him, and his glory spread in every direction, like that of many a rich and successful man today. He did not heed the warnings. He had to experience in his own life the truth of the words he had written by the Spirit of God.
- Sweet — it begins with flattery that is sweet to the flesh and ends in extreme bitterness. The taste at the start tells you nothing about the end.
- Spent — honor, years, wealth and labour go to others first. The wasted body is the last item on the list, not the first.
- Self-blamed — the groaning is not a protest against God. He remembers hating correction, not missing the way.
- Sown — God watches every path, so a man eats the fruit of his own ways. Sowing to the flesh reaps corruption.
- Steer clear — the remedy is distance, not restraint near the door. Affection belongs where God placed it, in the marriage He formed in Eden.
and thou say, How have I hated instruction, and my heart despised reproof!
This verse is the confession of a man who has already lost everything. Solomon makes his son hear it in advance, so that he never has to say it himself.
The verse belongs to a scene of ruin: honour handed to others, wealth in a stranger's hands, the body wasted. Only then does the man open his mouth, and what comes out is not defence but self-accusation.
Bitter self-blame is the end of the honey and oil that charmed him at the start; and no wonder, after a life of sin and shame. He is looking back on guilty self-pleasing — the recklessness that valued no authority and gave neither respect nor obedience.
The sweetness came first and the bitterness came last. That order is the whole warning.
Notice what the man does not say. He does not blame bad advice, and he does not claim that no one told him. He names discipline and reproof — the things that would have stopped him — and admits he hated them.
What he remembers when he is ruined is not that he failed to walk in a right way. It is that his own will had been at work, and that he had despised warning. He had hated being set right. He had hated moral discipline and fair correction — anything that stopped his will, whether from within or from outside. There was the will that did not like to be checked, and the pride of heart that made light of corrective warnings.
Two words carry the verse: hated and despised. One belongs to a will that hates being checked, the other to pride that makes light of warning. Together they describe a heart that lets nothing stop it.
He has lost honour, wealth and health. Yet when he speaks, he points at nobody else.
How sad if it takes this long for a man to come to his senses! Then he will see clearly that he has only himself to blame for hating instruction and despising correction (v. 12). His teachers had been faithful in warning him about the dangers of disobedience. It was his own folly that made him ignore that instruction.
The teaching was not missing. The hearing was.
There is a painful edge to this chapter. Solomon pressed these words on his son. His own later life reads like the ruin he describes.
Solomon received these repeated warnings. Yet great prosperity and honour came to him, and his glory spread in every direction, like many a rich and successful man today. He did not heed the warnings. He had to prove in his own life the truth of these words that he himself had written by the Spirit of God.
Knowing the warning by heart is no protection. Solomon proves it.
Some would rather not speak about the sin this chapter deals with. Scripture takes the opposite approach, and the reason is the wreckage described here.
Think how many families — Christian families too — have had to live with the bitter shame of one of their own ignoring Solomon's warning, which he pressed on his son again and again. You cannot pass the subject over. Agreeing to stay silent about these delicate subjects is not wise, and it is certainly not what the Bible does.
The ruin came through a refusal to hear. The way out runs in the opposite direction. Elsewhere in Proverbs, the two things this man despised count as gain.
It remains true that whoever listens to reproof gains sense, and whoever gains sense loves his own soul. The word that goes with this is of great value — "he who keeps understanding will discover good" — and that good is better than silver or gold. It is good to gain what is so excellent, and better still to keep it.
Kelly notes elsewhere that this willingness is not natural.
What honour belongs to the wise and humble mind that welcomes reproof and weighs it! Grace alone can make it real.
- Hated — The ruin does not start with the sin. It starts with how he treated correction. His own verdict names discipline and reproof as the things he could not stand.
- Willed — Looking back, he does not complain about bad advice. He heard the warning and despised it. A will that hates being checked, backed by pride, refuses to stop.
- Blamed — The teachers were faithful; the folly was his. When the accounting comes, there is no one else in the frame.
- Repeated — Solomon wrote this and then lived it. Knowing the warning saved no one. So families should say it out loud instead of quietly avoiding it.
- Reversed — What this man despised is called gain elsewhere. Whoever listens to reproof gains sense, and whoever gains sense loves his own soul. Grace alone makes a heart willing to weigh correction, and the good it finds is better than silver or gold.
and I have not hearkened unto the voice of my teachers, nor inclined mine ear to those that instructed me;
Proverbs 5 ends its warning with a ruined man talking to himself. He lists the voices he could have obeyed and didn't, and his regret is not that no one told him: the words reached his ears and never reached his will.
The father's authority here is not force. It works through counsel and affection, and it asks the son for two responses.
Two things are looked for from the heart of the young man: attention and subjection. The wisdom and discernment belong to the one who teaches, the father. God gave him a place of authority over the heart and ears of the child, and his claim carries both understanding and affection. This is not a command given to a baby. It is the influence God ordered and the parent earned over the moral affections of the son. It is authority, but authority in counsel: "Be attentive to my wisdom," and be subject to my discernment — that is, to what is right.
Look closely at the confession. He does not say he was misinformed, or that no right road was ever pointed out. He says he refused the correction that came.
When he is ruined, what he remembers is not that he failed to walk a right road. It is that his own will had been at work, and that he had brushed warning aside. He had hated being set right, the exercise of moral discipline and just correction. There was the will that did not like to be checked, and the pride of heart that slighted corrective warnings. There was no obedience — he did not listen. There was no inclining of the ear to that influence which stands morally above us.
The words that pulled him in tasted like honey and oil. Verse 13 is the aftertaste.
Bitter self-blame is where the honey and oil end — the honey and oil that charmed him at the start. No wonder, after a course of sin and shame. It is a look back at guilty self-pleasing, at the reckless pride that valued no authority and gave neither respect nor obedience.
The verse names teachers and instructors, and it names them without accusing them. The failure is located somewhere else entirely.
How sad if it takes this long for a man to come to his senses! Only then does he see that he has only himself to blame for hating instruction and despising correction. His teachers were faithful and warned him of the dangers of disobedience. His own folly made him ignore what they said. He stood surrounded by the assembly and congregation, yet his yielding to evil brought him to the edge of total ruin.
The instruction this man ignored was not abstract. Earlier in the chapter it was a matter of where his feet went, and how close he was willing to get.
A wealthy man once wanted to hire a driver for a very narrow road with a steep drop at the edge. He asked each applicant how close he could come to the edge without going over. Several told him how close they thought they could come. One said he would keep as far from the edge as he could. That man got the job. We too, who know the Lord, should have sense enough to keep our foot far from the temptation of evil, and not even go near the door of a foolish woman. The least giving in to temptation almost always leads to giving in further.
There is a sting in the authorship of this chapter. The one warning the son here was himself a son who had been warned.
Solomon received these repeated warnings. Yet great prosperity and honour came to him, and his glory spread in every direction, like many a rich and successful man of today. He did not heed the warnings. He had to live out in his own life the truths of the words he had written by the Spirit of God.
- The ask — Wisdom asks a young person for two things only: attention and subjection. Verse 13 is a man confessing he gave neither.
- The refusal — His ruin was not ignorance. Warning arrived; will overruled it. He hated being set right.
- The blame — The teachers were faithful. He stood surrounded by the congregation and still went to the edge. The fault has nowhere else to go.
- The taste — Words that began as honey and oil end as bitter self-blame. It is the backward look of a life that respected no authority.
- The remedy — Obedience shows itself in distance. The driver who gets the job is the one who stays furthest from the edge. Bend your ear now, and you spare yourself the mourning later.
I was well nigh in all evil in the midst of the congregation and assembly.
Proverbs 5:14 is the last line of a confession spoken far too late. A man looks back over a wrecked life and admits how close to total ruin he came. The shock is where it happened — not in a back alley, but among the gathered people of God.
The verse does not stand alone. It closes a long speech of regret. One writer traces that regret back to the pleasure that started it.
Bitter self-reproach is the end of the honey and oil that charmed him at the beginning — and no wonder, after a life of sin and shame. Looking back, he sees guilty self-pleasing. He sees a reckless spirit that valued no authority and gave neither respect nor obedience.
The ESV has him at "the brink of utter ruin." Older translations, which these writers quote, read, "I was almost in all evil in the midst of the congregation and assembly." Either way, he was not on the edge of one sin. He was on the edge of every kind of evil. One writer traces the chain: the will runs loose, the ear stops listening, and evil follows without shame.
Notice how this letting loose of the will and refusal to listen led on to every kind of wrongdoing and evil. The evil too, as it was reckless, was shameless... But what takes away the heart takes away shame, and puts the boldness of evil into the will.
The same writer notes what the ruined man regrets.
What he recalls when ruined is not that he failed to walk a right path, but that his own will had been at work and he had despised warning. He had hated being set right.
"Congregation and assembly" is the language of God's people gathered for worship. One writer shows how far the heart will go.
The heart is not only capable of such defilement. At times it is daring enough to carry its wickedness into the sanctuary. "I was almost in all evil in the midst of the congregation and assembly."
Another writer explains why that setting made the sin worse, and what it means where God's light is fuller.
One of the most painful parts is that all this evil happened "in the midst of the congregation and assembly." This was Israel's congregation, where everything God had then revealed came from Him. So hypocrisy covered the sins. How much worse is the same wickedness where God's fullest light shines!
Verse 13 has just named teachers and instructors — voices that did their job. Verse 14 shows they were not enough, because the man would not listen.
His teachers had been faithful in warning him about the dangers of disobedience. His own folly moved him to ignore that instruction. The assembly and congregation surrounded him, yet he gave in to evil, and it brought him to the verge of total ruin (vv. 13-14).
Some people keep the outward forms of religion with no heart in them. One writer weighs what that costs.
There are degrees of moral wrongdoing, but the heart's distance from God has no degrees. It is the same in the most likeable and refined as in the most shamefully wicked. If it continues, despite all God's dealings, it must end in eternal separation from Him. The congregation of formalists, however pious their words, is a "congregation of the dead." The solemn confession of such people "at last" will be — "I was almost in all evil in the midst of the congregation and assembly."
One writer applies this line to the disciples in a solemn hour, and then turns it on the reader.
They were thinking of their own pride. "I was almost in all evil in the midst of the congregation and assembly." Have you not been conscious, in the most solemn moments, of your vanity and lusts?
The chapter gave its counsel long before this confession.
And what is the counsel given here? Prompt and thorough steering clear... The path of life is far from her and her house. Christ alone gives eternal life and guides it. In a world like this, His word is, Follow Me.
- Will. The ruin starts with a refusal to take correction. His own regret is that he "had hated being set right."
- Numbness. Once the heart is gone, shame goes with it; the evil becomes reckless, and reaches "almost" every kind.
- Place. The worst part is the place. He carried his sin into the gathering of God's people, where hypocrisy covered it.
- Proximity. Good surroundings save nobody. This man had faithful teachers, ignored them, and still reached the edge of total ruin.
- Confession. Said too late, this is the formalist's last word. Say it now as self-examination, while it can still change your road.