A continual dropping on a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike
A leaky roof in a downpour is not a disaster — it is just a drip, and then another, and another, until you cannot think. That is the picture Proverbs uses for a quarrelsome home. Commentators read it as a warning about what wears people down. They also read it as a pointer to where the strength to change it comes from.
Why a drip? One writer explains where the picture comes from, and what it says about the woman it describes.
This has been understood as a drip through a leaking roof. In a land of flat roofs, that is common enough when the rain is very heavy. Only those who have been through it know how irritating and wearying it can be. But that is the character of an argumentative woman. She is out of her place, not showing the godly qualities of submission and of a meek and quiet spirit.
Proverbs names more than one sorrow in family life. One writer weighs them, and says which one comes closest.
Another brings the calamity nearer still, and more constantly: a contentious wife. Her cross and fractious spirit is a continual dropping. Not a spot in the house is safe from her turmoil.
The whole household suffers, but one person suffers most. The same writer asks where that person can go, and what he finds there.
A contentious woman is bound to be a trial to every member of the household, but most of all to her husband. The house may be roomy, but only jarring follows her; and if visitors call, it only increases his pain. He can find no better place than a corner on the housetop. There he finds quiet, and, for piety, access to the Highest.
A quarrel starts small, and that is what makes it easy to leave alone. One writer traces where it ends.
And who has not seen what a blaze a little spark can become, if godliness and grace do not rule? It is like water let out when someone starts a quarrel. At first there are only drops trickling. Then the opening widens into a flow that sweeps everything before it.
The next verse compares holding such a person back to catching the wind, or gripping oil in the right hand. One writer takes that as an admission, and then answers it.
It is no small matter to restrain someone who is contentious. Mere human power is not enough for it. But if we use the power of God, He can surely restrain even the wind. This is good work, and only the living presence of the Spirit of God can do it. The right hand is the hand of power. Meeting the oil proves the power of the Spirit of God (the oil) in a living way, through these severe tests of the wilderness path.
Grant widens this beyond the home. Such contention, he says, "is to have no place in the assembly of God: it is of the world." Timothy was warned against allowing that spirit among God's people.
He points to two men who met contention while filled with the Spirit.
When filled with the Spirit, Paul solemnly silenced the unholy contentions of Elymas the sorcerer (Acts 13:6-12). Stephen faced the contentious, angry Jewish council and bore most blessed witness to the glory of the Lord Jesus at the right hand of God (Acts 7:55-60).
Proverbs also names the opposite of the quarrelsome wife. One writer points out where she comes from.
So it is important to look to the Lord for a gracious and faithful counterpart. House and wealth may be an inheritance from fathers, as they usually were in Israel. A prudent wife was from Jehovah. What was everything else worth, however fine or plentiful, if the one who shared it all had no meekness of wisdom? Even if every material thing were lacking, what comfort and happiness to have one from Jehovah, with His light within her and around her!
- The drip — the trouble here is not one loud storm. It is small, constant, wearing repetition. Only those who have lived under a leaking roof know how draining it is.
- The drenching — a quarrelsome spirit reaches everywhere. No spot in the house is safe. Every member of the household feels it, the husband most.
- The drops first — strife starts as a trickle before it floods. Stop it early, while godliness and grace can still rule.
- The dry corner — the roof-corner escape is not just for quiet; it is also where a man finds access to the Highest.
- The downpour of the Spirit — holding back such a person is like grabbing wind or oil. Human power fails. Only God's power can restrain it — and a wife with "the meekness of wisdom" is His gift.
whosoever will restrain her restraineth the wind, and his right hand encountereth oil.
This proverb finishes a picture begun in the verse before it. There, a quarrelsome woman is like rain that will not stop dripping. Here the proverb weighs what it takes to hold her back. The question it leaves is a practical one — if force will not silence strife, what will?
Commentators read verses 13 to 16 as one small group with a shared theme.
Now verses 13 to 16 form the fourth section, dealing with testing in a strange and contentious world.
The "her" of this verse is the woman of verse 15. Grant describes the wear of that contention and says plainly where it has no place.
Only those who have experienced it know how irritating and wearying this can be. But such is the character of an argumentative woman. She is out of her place, not displaying the godly qualities of submission and of a meek and quiet spirit. This kind of contention is to have no place in the assembly of God: it is of the world. Timothy is strongly warned against allowing any such spirit among the saints of God.
An alternative rendering shifts the second line from something lost to something met:
"Whoever will restrain her restrains the wind, and his right hand encounters oil" (New Trans.).
Read that way, the two images stop being jokes about failure and become a lesson in whose strength is needed. Wind is beyond us; it is not beyond God. Oil, met by the hand of power, is read as the Spirit at work.
It is no small matter to restrain someone who is contentious. Mere human power is not enough for it. But if we make use of the power of God, He can surely restrain even the wind. Only the living presence of the Spirit of God can do this good work. The right hand is the hand of power. Meeting with oil is the proving of the power of the Spirit of God — the oil — in a living way, through these severe testings of the wilderness path. How much better this is than the emotional excitement and thrilling experiences of ecstatic joy that many today eagerly seek! It is far more sound and real. They chase such things as though that were the filling of the Spirit of God... When filled with the Spirit, Paul solemnly silenced the unholy contentions of Elymas the sorcerer (Acts 13:6-12). Stephen faced the contentious, angry Jewish council and gave a most blessed witness to the glory of the Lord Jesus at the right hand of God (Acts 7:55-60).
Older English translations end this verse with the ointment of the right hand "which bewrayeth itself." A dictionary of Bible words gives the sense of that old word:
To accuse or betray. Isa. 16:3; Prov. 27:16; Prov. 29:24; Matt. 26:73. From the Anglo-Saxon.
The Hebrew word behind the oil in this verse is the ordinary word for oil:
It is used for "fatness, oil, spiced oil," and so "ointment." On joyful occasions people anointed the head with it, Ps. 133:2. Elsewhere it is called the "oil of gladness."
If wind cannot be gripped, then contention cannot be met by matching it. Kelly applies this to the Lord's servant. The weapon that feels most natural is exactly the one he must not use.
Further, "a servant of the Lord must not quarrel [or fight], but be gentle towards everyone." This is what the Lord had taught and practised... But are not some people so trying that they deserve at least a sharp word? He ought to be "gentle towards everyone." It is not a question of human unpleasantness, but of presenting Christ properly. It is easy enough to wound or defeat a man. But what if it grieves the Holy Spirit of God and dishonours Christ? Are we resolved, as we should be, to bear things in patience and to win in the irresistible might of meekness?
The verse's picture of oil has a positive counterpart. A quiet spirit is the opposite of strife, and God Himself sets a high value on it. (The older wording quoted below, "of great price," reads "very precious" in the ESV.)
A meek and quiet spirit in a Christian woman — this we read "is in the sight of God of great price" (1 Pet. 3:4)... it is fragrant to God, as was Mary's ointment, it is beautiful in His eyes as the church is in Christ's. What could Christian women desire more than this? Here is fragrance that no perfumer's skill can produce. Here is an ornament that no jeweller can design. Here is beauty greater than anything art or nature can show. And it lasts, for what is of great price in the sight of God, He will preserve for ever.
- The setting. Verses 13–16 form one section on testing in a strange and contentious world.
- The problem. Contention is a wearying, endless drip. It belongs to the world, and God's people must not tolerate it.
- The impossibility. Human strength cannot hold a contentious spirit, any more than a hand can hold wind.
- The provision. The right hand meets oil. God's Spirit, proved in real testing, restrains where human effort fails — not the excitement many mistake for His filling.
- The result. The servant does not fight. He wins "in the irresistible might of meekness." And the quiet spirit that replaces strife is a fragrance God Himself keeps for ever.