His disciples say to him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry.
The Lord has just closed the door on divorce for any cause, tracing marriage back to God's own act at the beginning. Their reply pulls back from it, and it raises a question: is staying single the better path, or a rare gift?
Their reaction makes sense only against the practice of their day. Divorce was easy and common. So when the Lord said that nothing can break the marriage tie, it sounded like a hard saying.
Here is the selfishness of the heart, even in disciples. In those days men often sent a wife away over some small dislike. So it shocked them to hear the Lord insist that nothing can break the marriage tie.
Their remark turns into a self-portrait, and the Lord lets it stand without reply.
To come back to our text: the disciples now show what is in their own hearts. "If such is the case of a man with his wife," they say, "it is better not to marry." … Their Master takes no further notice of the selfishness that had just spoken out in the disciples. The shining of the light is enough to reveal the darkness it displaces.
There is a kinder side to their dismay. They saw how high the Lord had lifted marriage. They did not yet see that His kingdom gives the power to live at that height.
He came to set up a kingdom where the will of God would be done. So He sweeps away the provision Moses had made for the hardness of men's hearts, and in doing so He astonished His disciples. … But that was only because they saw how high a place the Lord gave this relationship in His kingdom. They did not know the grace that reigns in that kingdom, which enables all who are in it to fulfil every relationship according to God.
The Pharisees and the disciples both get it wrong, from opposite ends. One side wants looser marriage; the other wants no marriage. And the disciples' verdict runs into a sentence God had already spoken over the first man.
The Pharisees would have marriage with all the licence their loose morals craved. If marriage came without these liberties, the disciples would argue that "it is better not to marry." But this contradicted the very words of God. At the beginning He had said, "It is not good that the man should be alone," and this ruling still stands.
Staying single for the sake of the kingdom is real. But it belongs only to those who receive it from God.
Some are unfitted for this God-given relationship by nature; others have been made so by wicked men. There is a third class who are exempt: those who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. This does not mean mutilation. It means, no doubt, living unmarried for the sake of the kingdom. It is not a law, not an obligation, nor a "sacrament." … "Let the one who is able to receive this receive it." So it is something to be received, a gift from above. God's grace and power can lift some, to whom it is given, above the natural things of life.
The difference between breaking God's order and rising above it is simple:
To break God's institutions is sin; to live above them is the gift of God.
What the disciples proposed as a general rule turns out to be the exception.
The Lord's teaching about divorce was new and surprising even to His disciples. It prompted their remark in verse 10. That in turn led Him to declare that marriage is the normal thing for man, and the unmarried state the exception. If it is given to a man, then it is good not to marry. But normally, "Let marriage be held in honor among all" (Heb. 13:4).
- Shock. Divorce was casual in their world. So a bond for life struck the disciples as a hard bargain, not a good gift.
- Selfishness. Their conclusion exposed their own hearts. The Lord does not argue with it. Light shows up darkness without debate.
- Given. Christ answers with a gift, not a rule: it is for "those to whom it is given." It comes from above, and it is never a law, an obligation, or a sacrament.
- Grace. What they missed is that the kingdom supplies power to fulfil the very relationship it sets so high.
- Normal. Marriage remains the ordinary path and singleness the exception. To break God's order is sin; to live above it is His gift.
And he said to them, All cannot receive this word, but those to whom it has been given;
The Lord has just closed the door on easy divorce, and His disciples draw their own conclusion: better not to marry at all. His reply neither agrees nor scolds, but draws a line between what is normal for everyone and what God gives to some.
The disciples were not reaching a spiritual height. They were recoiling from a standard that cut across the habits of their day.
"His disciples say to Him, if this is how it stands between a man and his wife, it is not good to marry" (v. 10). Sadly, the selfishness of the heart shows even in disciples. Dismissing a wife over some petty dislike was so common then that it shocked them to hear the Lord insist the marriage tie cannot be broken.
The Lord does not take up their complaint. His reply sets something wholly different beside it.
The disciples show the state of their own hearts... And the Lord replies: "Not all have capacity for this, but those to whom it has been given."... How different a thought from the selfishness the disciples had just spoken out! Their Master takes no further notice of it. The shining of the light is enough to reveal the darkness it displaces.
The word behind "receive" carries the sense of having room for something. Commentators point to a more literal rendering of the Lord's answer.
The Lord's answer is perhaps translated more accurately as, "Not all have capacity for this, but those to whom it has been given." That is, not all have the capacity to remain unmarried, though some do.
His reply also settles which state is the rule and which is the exception.
The Lord's teaching about divorce was new and surprising even to His disciples, and it prompted the remark recorded in verse 10. That in turn led Him to declare that marriage is the normal thing for man, and the unmarried state the exception. Paul's words in 1 Corinthians 7:7 imply the same. If "it is given" to a man, then "it is good not to marry," but normally, "Let marriage be held in honour among all" (Hebrews 13:4).
The Lord has just defended God's creation order. Now He points to something that stands outside it.
But another power has come in. It is not nature but divine, working in the power of the Spirit of God, because nature is all ruined. The power of evil is in the world, and nature is no answer to it, because nature is the very thing that is ruined. So a power comes in that is above nature, since it is of God. That power therefore owns nature as He made it, and His institutions. To break them is sin; to live above them is the gift of God. "He that is able to receive it, let him receive it."
Kelly weighs the gift's real value against what happens when men make it compulsory.
The unmarried state has its advantages where grace gives the right inward condition. That condition would fit suitable outward circumstances and lead to the life and service we see in the apostle Paul himself. But this is not given to all. It is not of man's will but of divine grace. Make it a law, and the grace is destroyed. The quick result — sin, shame and misery — shows the wisdom of God's ways and the folly of Christendom's.
Nor does the third class in verse 12 describe anything done to the body.
This does not mean mutilation. It means, without doubt, living in an unmarried state for the sake of the kingdom. It is not a law, not an obligation, nor a "sacrament."... "He that is able to receive it, let him receive it." So it is something to be received, a gift from above. The grace and power of God is able to lift some, to whom it is given, above the natural things of life.
The single life the Lord describes is not cold discipline, and it is no insult to marriage. Something stronger explains it.
Here we are far from the shocking thought of enforced celibacy. If we have looked at marriage as the richest blessing in nature, here is a power brought in by grace. It carries a person above nature altogether. There is nothing legal, stoical or church-imposed about this. Perhaps it is best explained by the well-known phrase — "the expulsive power of a new affection." It is the blessed power of the grace of heaven working in the heart and shaping the life. A person is so controlled by the interests of Christ that he gives up what is properly his portion as a man here on earth.
That leaves a warning for anyone who copies another's path.
It is one thing to say, "Follow Paul's example," and quite another thing to have the "proper gift" to do it. It is a fatal mistake for anyone to expect to walk in a path for which God has not given him a call or the spiritual power.
- Given. Everything turns on one phrase — "to whom it is given." No one works up the capacity for the single life. God gives it.
- Given, not general. Marriage is the normal thing for man, and the unmarried state the exception. Scripture keeps marriage in honour among all.
- Given, not legislated. Make the gift a rule for everyone and grace is destroyed; sin and misery follow.
- Given, above nature. This power is divine, not natural. It never breaks God's institutions; it lives above them, moved by a new affection for Christ.
- Given, so test it. Each person must know before God what his own gift is. Walking a path God has not called you to is a fatal mistake.
for there are eunuchs which have been born thus from [their] mother's womb; and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs of men; and there are eunuchs who have made eunuchs of themselves for the sake of the kingdom of the heavens. He that is able to receive [it], let him receive [it].
The disciples heard how binding marriage is and concluded it would be safer not to marry at all. His reply names three kinds of people who live outside marriage. Two are so by circumstance. One is so by choice, for the kingdom of heaven. Then He hands it back to us: only some can receive it.
Their reaction was not faith but self-protection, and it collided with what God had already said about man being alone.
The disciples show what is in their own hearts. "If such is the case of a man with his wife," they say, "it is better not to marry." And the Lord replies: "Not all have capacity for this, but those to whom it has been given." The word of God said from the beginning that "it is not good that the man should be alone." That is the very passage our Lord has been pointing us back to. So we cannot expect the gift to remain alone to be anything but exceptional.
Two of the three groups have no say in the matter. The third does.
The Lord distinguished three classes of eunuchs: those who were born that way; those made so by men; and those who have made themselves so for the kingdom of heaven's sake. Matt. 19:12. It is the second class that is otherwise mentioned in Scripture. They often became men of influence in the eastern courts, and had charge of the harems.
Commentators are agreed that the last group is not describing bodily mutilation but a way of life.
The last of the three classes in the verse is expressed figuratively: it plainly means living unmarried for God's glory. But note, it is a gift, not a law, much less a caste. It is put as a privilege.
A second writer rules out any idea of duty or church rule:
This does not mean mutilation. It is not a law, not an obligation, nor a "sacrament." … "Let the one who is able to receive this receive it." It is then something to be received, a gift from above.
The Lord has just defended marriage as God's arrangement from the beginning. What follows does not cancel that; it rises above it.
Another power has come in. It is not nature but divine, working in the power of the Spirit of God. It came because nature is all ruined and the power of evil is in the world. Nature is no answer to that, because nature is the very thing that is ruined. So a power comes in which is above nature, being of God, but which for that reason owns nature as He made it, and owns His institutions. To break them is sin; to live above them is the gift of God.
The kingdom of heaven is the key phrase in the verse. It points to Christ where He now is:
Notice, it is "made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven" — that order of things which depends on Christ now in heaven. So, strong in the grace that shines in Him at the right hand of God, those to whom it is given walk above the natural ties of life. They do not despise those ties. They honour them, while each one gives himself up to that good portion which shall not be taken from them.
The motive is not discipline or rule-keeping. It is a stronger attachment crowding out a lesser one.
We have looked at marriage as the richest blessing in nature. Here is a power brought in by grace, and it carries someone above nature altogether. There is nothing here of law, of grim self-denial, or of church rule. It may be best explained by the well-known phrase: "the expulsive power of a new affection." It is the blessed power of the grace of heaven working in the heart. It shapes the life so that a person is so controlled by the interests of Christ that he gives up what is his proper portion as a man here on earth.
The apostle Paul is named repeatedly as the clearest example — a man whose work would have been crippled by family ties.
The apostle Paul was acting in the spirit of this verse when he gives his own judgment as one who "by the Lord's mercy is trustworthy" (1 Cor. 7:25). No doubt he was called to a remarkable work that would have made proper attention to family relationships very difficult. … With a wife or family to care for, the Lord's work could not have been done so thoroughly. Hence the wise and gracious judgment of the apostle, not given as a command, but left to weigh on the spiritual mind.
Turn a gift into a rule and you destroy the thing you were trying to protect.
The unmarried state has its advantages where grace gives the right inward condition. But this is not given to all, and it is not of man's will but of divine grace. Make it a law, and the grace is destroyed. Sin, shame, and misery quickly follow, and they show how wise God's ways are and how foolish Christendom's are.
The other failure is taking the words literally. Origen, an early teacher, read this verse and acted on it physically:
Origen was a greater scholar than any man who ever wrote on figures of speech, and could explain the simile, metaphor, and every other figure better than most; yet he fell victim to a glaring misunderstanding of our Lord's words in Matt. 19:12.
- Given, not grasped. The saying is only for "those to whom it has been given" — a gift from above, never a target to aim at by willpower.
- Gift, not law. It is a privilege, "not a law, much less a caste"; make it compulsory and the grace in it is destroyed.
- Above nature, not against it. Marriage stays God's institution: to break it is sin, to live above it is the gift of God.
- Driven by affection. Not discipline but "the expulsive power of a new affection" — a heart so taken with Christ's interests that it lets go of its rightful portion.
- Proved in Paul. His judgment on singleness was "not given as a command, but left to weigh on the spiritual mind" — the pattern for anyone who thinks this word is for them.