Jesus therefore, seeing his mother, and the disciple standing by, whom he loved, says to his mother, Woman, behold thy son.
In the middle of the work of redemption, the dying Saviour turned His attention to His mother. His words from the cross raise three questions. Why did He say "Woman" instead of "mother"? Why John, and not her other sons? And why does Scripture say almost nothing about her after this?
Notice the contrast of scale. The One the whole universe depended on stopped to arrange a family matter.
On the cross is the eternal Son of God, the perfect Man, the King of the Jews. He is carrying out the work of redemption which God's purposes had decreed from all eternity. The whole universe depended on Him, yet as Man He was enduring every possible suffering. At such a moment we see Him giving close attention to one small detail. Nothing will make Him forget the love and respect He always had for His mother.
The word can sound cold to modern ears. Writers point out that it was His normal way of addressing her, and that He used it elsewhere with clear warmth.
He spoke that way to the Syrophoenician woman when He praised her faith (Matt. 15:28). The angels spoke that way to Mary at the tomb: "Woman, why are you weeping?" So did the Lord Himself on that occasion (John 20:13, 15)... Would anyone think He ought to have called her mother? Do we have a single instance of His ever addressing her that way? He spoke of her as His mother, but never, as far as we remember, addressed her so.
There is a second detail in the wording. The writer of the Gospel calls her "His mother," while the Lord calls her "Woman."
Mary was the mother of Jesus, and this favour from God led Gabriel to greet her as blessed among women. But, as we have seen, natural family ties could make no claim on a life of complete and perfect separation to God. And now that the Lord's death was near, even this tender and close tie was about to end... This teaches, beyond all contradiction, that nothing will ever take away, in its own sphere, the honour God gave Mary.
Earlier He had not recognised her as His mother. At the cross that changes, and one writer explains why.
During His service here on earth, He did not recognise His mother. His human relationships were really not in question. He was the bearer of the divine word in this world, the expression of that word in His Person, and nothing else. He was set apart from everything for this. Now that His divine ministry has ended, He recognises this relationship. Not as a link with the Jews — that was over — but as human affection... Now that His service is finished, His affection is free, and He shows it.
This cuts against the idea that holiness means suppressing natural feeling.
There they stood by the cross in the time of His rejection. There the Lord shows how far strict self-denial falls short of the truth... Yet eternal interests, taken up like this, do not erase or dishonour nature or its relationships according to God. The Lord marks that here in the most solemn and touching way: He commends John to His mother as her son, and Mary to John as his mother — a loving trust honoured from that hour.
Mary had other sons. One writer points to why John was chosen instead: "John 7:5 tells us, 'For not even his brothers believed in him.' How much stronger is the spiritual relationship than the natural!" (L. M. Grant). Another writer looks at what John's presence meant to the Lord.
Who can tell the comfort it must have been to Him in that dark hour to see John there!... The Lord was able to trust John now, and could commit a precious legacy to him. John was faithful to the trust. And He wants to trust us too, to have us as friends He can rely on... Imagine the Lord saying to you, "I want you to care for some who are precious to Me. I want you to look after My interests on earth while I am away."
After this scene, Scripture says almost nothing more about Mary.
Here, apart from one mention in the first chapter of Acts, we part with Mary. She is not named in the later books, and in all the teaching of the letters she has no place. She remains for us in the word of God a simple woman rejoicing in God her Saviour — a stone in the temple to His praise, and with no temple of her own.
- Love that notices. While He accomplished redemption, He gave close attention to His mother. Nothing made Him forget her.
- Love that speaks with care. "Woman" was His usual way of addressing her, and He used it elsewhere with warmth. The Gospel writer, not the Lord, uses the word "mother."
- Love that is free at last. During His service, natural ties made no claim on Him. With that service finished, His affection is free, and He shows it.
- Love that entrusts. John stood by the cross, and the Lord gave him a precious legacy. He still looks for friends He can trust with what is precious to Him.
- Love that keeps its place. God honours Mary in her own sphere, and then Scripture falls silent about her: a stone in the temple to His praise, with no temple of her own.
Then he says unto the disciple, Behold thy mother. And from that hour the disciple took her to his own home.
From the cross the Lord looks at two people standing near Him: His mother and the disciple He loved. He joins them together in a new bond. The words are few. The question they raise is large. How can a man dying on a cross still be thinking about who will care for His mother?
Earlier in this same Gospel, at a wedding in Cana, Jesus refused His mother's prompting because His hour had not yet come. One writer sets that moment beside this one and finds no contradiction.
Through all the sorrows of the cross, the human tenderness of the Lord shines out. The fact that, at the beginning of His path, He would allow no interference from His mother in His heavenly mission (John 2:3-4) does not stop the Lord from caring for her earthly needs. So now He commends her to the care of one who, above all others, was trusting in the love of Jesus — the disciple who could lean on Jesus' breast and who five times describes himself as the disciple whom Jesus loved.
Through His public ministry the Lord kept His mother at a distance from His work. That distance had a reason, and it ends here.
During His service here below, He did not recognise His mother. His human relationships were not really the question. He was the bearer of the divine word in this world. He was the expression of that word in His Person, and nothing else — separated from everything for this. Now that His divine ministry has ended, He recognises this relationship. It is not a link with the Jews, for that was over. It is human affection. He commits her to John, the disciple He loved. Always turning her away was not a lack of natural affection, but faithfulness. Now that He has finished His service, His affection is free, and He shows it.
Some conclude that devotion to God means treating family bonds as unspiritual. This scene answers that.
But perfect human affections were there. The work He took up in communion with the Father had filled His heart and lips and hands with the higher object, to the glory of God. Yet eternal interests, taken up like this, do not erase or dishonour nature or its relationships according to God. The Lord marks this here. He commends John to His mother as son, and Mary to John as mother, in the most solemn and touching way — a loving trust honoured from that hour.
Mary is not merely handed over; she is given something. And John is not merely told a fact; he is given a duty.
There are two things in these words of our Lord that can be plainly grasped. First, He gives Mary, in her loss, comfort and an object. The beloved disciple knew the Lord's mind as no one else could, for he had laid his head on the Lord's breast. From now on he was to be as Mary's son. Mary might take him to her heart in a new way, as given to her by the Lord Himself. Second, He transferred His own earthly relationship to John when He said, "Behold, your mother!" He singled out the disciple whom He loved to fulfil all the loving responsibilities such a relationship involves. In a word, the Lord committed Mary to John's care. From then on John was to look after her and provide for her with a son's affection.
John was the one who had leaned on Jesus and the one still standing at the cross when others had gone. That closeness has a consequence others draw out for every reader.
And now see what came of John's faithfulness... Who can tell what comfort it must have been to Him in that dark hour to see John there! ... The Lord was able to trust John now; He could commit a precious legacy to him. And John was faithful to the trust. And He wants to trust us, to have us as friends He can rely on. What privilege could be greater than that? To have the Lord say to you, "I want you to care for some who are precious to Me. I want you to look after My interests on earth while I am away."
Mary leaves the cross as a woman who needs a home. What the rest of Scripture does not say about her matters too.
He commends His mother, standing by His cross, to the care of His beloved disciple. The spiritual link counts for more than the natural one, even while the natural one is recognised... She is surely blessed among women, through her connection with the human nature of our Lord. But the Spirit of truth came to make known the full body of Christian truth, and in it Scripture says nothing at all about her. That silence overturns the whole structure of Mary-worship. She remains for us in the word of God a simple woman rejoicing in God her Saviour — a stone in the temple to His praise, with no temple of her own.
- Trust given. The Lord hands over what is precious to Him, and He hands it to the disciple who stayed close and stayed near the cross.
- Trust timed. While His service demanded it, He kept His mother at a distance. Once He finished the work, His affection was free and He showed it.
- Trust honoured. Higher, eternal interests do not erase natural family ties — the Lord Himself names John son and Mary mother.
- Trust received. The Lord gives Mary comfort and an object. He gives John a son's responsibilities, and John takes her into his home.
- Trust, not worship. Mary needed a home, and John gave her one. Her honour is real, and Scripture's later silence about her leaves no room for worshipping her.