Husbands, love your own wives, even as the Christ also loved the assembly, and has delivered himself up for it,
Ephesians points husbands to the cross: not a rule for running the home, but a pattern to copy — Christ's love for the church. That raises the real questions here: what sort of love this is, how far it goes, and what it asks of a man.
The verse speaks to each side of a marriage where it is most likely to fail. For the husband, that place is not authority.
Husbands are not told to rule. That is not where they are likely to fail. They are told to love. Wives are not addressed this way. With them, love is not as likely to be weak as submission is. So what is put before the husband? "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her." Once we take this in, it lifts us above the merely natural level. God's own love is our heavenly pattern.
The verse does not simply approve of the affection a man already feels. It brings in a love of another order, drawn from three periods of Christ's dealings with the church.
Natural affection is recognised here, but a far higher kind of love is brought in. It re-shapes an earthly relationship after a heavenly pattern. The past, present, and future love of Christ for the church are all brought to bear on the husband's duty to his wife.
The verse does not say He gave gifts, or that He gave much. It says He gave Himself, and writers keep coming back to that word.
The first thing of all is His own love, which nothing outside Himself caused. "He loved the church" — perfectly, as God loves, without limit. Here we see how complete His love is. "He gave Himself." He did not only do something for it: "He gave Himself!" ... The self-sacrifice of Christ was absolute: it was Himself, all He is, and all He was in His perfection. Everything in His nature was behind it: "He gave Himself."
Another writer sets the outer limit of that gift.
He then gave Himself; and He could give no more.
The order in the verse matters. The love and the self-giving come first; the cleansing follows in the verses after.
Let us remember that He did not first make the church worthy to be loved, then love it and give Himself for it. He loved it as it was, then gave Himself for it, and now works to make it suitable to Himself. ... Christ loved the church in all its deep need, and gave Himself for it; then, having made it His own, He cleanses it and makes it fit for Himself. None of us is content when someone we love is not what we would wish. Christ will not be content until the church suits Him completely.
Take this standard seriously and it touches even the decision to marry. It also puts a price on love.
Husbands are to love their own wives by no lower standard than Christ's love for the church (v.25). He gave Himself for it. He did not just give many gifts; He gave Himself. If one is not willing to give himself for an intended wife, he ought not to marry her. Notice what this whole section stresses: love works for the greatest good of the one it loves, and it pays for that itself.
Love is the husband's task, so love is also his only tool.
Think of a Christian husband who has spent a hard, stormy day resting his heart on Christ's love and warming himself in it. He does not come home and frown his wife into silence, submission, and obedience. He loves her into it. The only force he uses is his own example — his submission to Christ the Head, his dependence on Him, and his obedience to His Word.
The love that starts at the cross does not stop there. The One who gave Himself is also the One who will receive the church at the end.
Christ Jesus Himself is woven through every part of it. He Himself is the beginning, He Himself the end, He Himself all the way through. He gave Himself as the beginning; and He presents it to Himself as the end. Meanwhile He tenderly cares for the church.
- Love, not rule. The husband's command is love, because that is where he is likely to fail. The wife's harder task is submission.
- Loved first. Christ did not wait for the church to be worthy — He loved it as it was, and the cleansing came afterwards.
- Gave Himself. Not gifts, and not a part of Himself: the whole of Himself, and He could give no more. That is the measure set beside a marriage.
- Cost, not sentiment. Love here works for the other person's greatest good, at real cost. A man who will not give himself should not marry.
- Beginning to end. He gave Himself at the start. He cares for the church now. He will present it to Himself at last. One unbroken love, for a husband to copy.
in order that he might sanctify it, purifying [it] by the washing of water by [the] word,
Commentary for this verse has not been generated yet.
that *he* might present the assembly to himself glorious, having no spot, or wrinkle, or any of such things; but that it might be holy and blameless.
Paul is teaching husbands how to love their wives. To do it, he points them to the end of Christ's love for the church: a presentation day still ahead. The verse raises three questions. Who receives the church? What do "spot" and "wrinkle" mean? And what is Christ doing about them now?
Who receives the church on that day? The answer shapes everything else in the verse.
But what is the object of Christ's love in the future? "That He might present it to Himself" — not to another. Not, here, to display it to the world, but "TO HIMSELF," "a glorious church." Yes, not a church in shame, but glorious, "not having spot or wrinkle, or any such thing," but "holy and blameless" (Eph. 1:4; 5:27).
God formed the woman and brought her to Adam. That first scene shows why the church cannot come to Christ as she is now.
In paradise, when God built the woman, He presented her to Adam: this is what will happen concerning the church; Eph. 5:27. He has given His life for her. He washes her by His word. He will present her to Himself glorious, with the same glory He Himself has as risen and glorified. This will be the marriage supper of the Lamb. The church is the bride united to Jesus in glory. She is justified, purified, and glorified. A bride in a lowly body is not fit for a Bridegroom in a glorious body.
Christ's love moves in stages: He gave Himself, He cleanses now, He will present at the end. Only the last stage is final.
This is the complete account of what Christ does: He cleanses the Church as well as sanctifies it. All defilement has to go, and in both cases God uses the washing of water by the word. But there is a third and future fruit of His love — "that He might present it to Himself a glorious Church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing." There we have the complete blessing of the Church. Cleansing will no longer be in question. All the love of Christ will have its perfect effect, and the Church will be glorious according to His own likeness.
The two words are not repetition. They name two different ways beauty is lost.
There are two things by which beauty is marred: spots and wrinkles. The first show defilement. The second come from passion, or from worry and age. Both are the effects of sin — the first directly, the second indirectly. If there were no sin in the world, there would be no spots and no wrinkles. Everyone dislikes wrinkles, clean or not. But only a clean person avoids spots. Someone with dirty habits does not mind them.
Count the two positive words too, and the verse gives four marks. They land at the rapture, when Christ comes and takes His people to Himself.
So at the rapture we shall all be without spot for ever. Second, we shall be without wrinkle, without any marks of decay. Third, we shall be fully holy in nature. Fourth, without blemish… These four marks mean we shall be stainless, ageless, sinless and blameless in the day that is coming when He presents us collectively to Himself. Nothing less than His own standard will do…
The sweep of the wording rules out a partial gathering.
It will have no spot, that is, no defect of any sort. No wrinkle, that is, no sign of age or decay, "nor any such thing," that is, no other defect of any imaginable kind. Could language be stronger or more sweeping? How could that fit the idea that the Lord will catch up only some of the many who make up the church when He comes? In that case He would indeed present to Himself mutilated fragments rather than a church without spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing.
What about the church as it looks now? An ordinary gathering can look like anything but glorious.
Yet they do give us a very different idea of the reality of things from what we often think when we come together, twenty or more of us, let us say, to break bread. All of us are very weak, all failing, all apt to make mistakes. Not one of us is anything to be proud of. We think, "What a poor lot we are!" And it is true. But when we read verses like these, we see that a work of the Lord is in progress upon us.
- Given — Love began with a gift of Himself. Everything in this verse grows out of that one act.
- Cleansed — He washes His people by the word now. One day that cleansing is finished and never needed again.
- Presented — He hands the church to no one else. God brought the woman to Adam; Christ brings the bride to Himself, glorious with His own glory.
- Flawless — Spot means defilement, wrinkle means decay. Add holy and without blemish, and the four marks read: stainless, ageless, sinless, blameless.
- Whole — No fragment, no select few. The sweeping language leaves no one out. So the weakest gathering today can still say: a work of the Lord is in progress upon us.
So ought men also to love their own wives as their own bodies he that loves his own wife loves himself.
Commentary for this verse has not been generated yet.
For no one has ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, even as also the Christ the assembly
The verse rests on something no one has to be taught: we feed and protect our own bodies. Paul makes that instinct the standard for how a husband loves his wife, and then says it is the way Christ treats the church.
The verse does not appeal to duty first. It appeals to something already at work in every person, and God puts His approval on it.
The Spirit of God here assumes a necessary way of nature, and assumes it with approval. That regard for one's self which each of us is ready enough to give has God's own approval. And then, on this very principle of nature, the apostle goes on to set out the Lord's nourishing care of the Church... So if I can understand my love for myself, I may understand Christ's love to me. My Lord owns the duty I owe myself as a duty He owes to me. He can only nourish and cherish me, as I would nourish and cherish myself.
Applied to marriage, this reshapes how a man sees his wife — and how he sees any injury done to her.
He is now taking up the common instinct that men naturally avoid pain and take care of themselves. He is speaking only of the fact. He says: look upon your wife as a part of yourself. Anything that would wrong her is that much wrong done to your own body.
The two words are not repetition. Each means something different, and each reaches us in its own way.
And what are nourishing and cherishing? Nourishing is food, and cherishing is warmth of affection. You have the truth ministered by the gifts the Lord gives — that is the nourishment, and saints need nourishment... not just the ministry of all that He is to our souls to form us like Himself; He also leaves out no detail of tender care for His own.
Christ's aim is heaven. But this verse is about now — what His love is doing for the church here, and what draws it out.
Not only has Christ a heavenly aim, but His love performs the work which, so to speak, is natural to it. He cares tenderly for the church here below; He nourishes it, He cherishes it. The church's needs, weaknesses, difficulties and anxieties are only openings for Christ to show His love... If the end is heaven, He does not leave the church abandoned here. She learns His love where her heart needs it.
That has a steadying effect on anyone discouraged by the state of Christians around them.
It is a great comfort to know this is true of the Church as it is now, when we think of the ruin all around. Does Christ ever cease to nourish what belongs to Him? Impossible. In spite of all the ruin, He has the same care for His people.
Some older translations end the verse with "even as the Lord the church." One commentator shows why the better reading, "Christ," matters.
Scripture never speaks of Him as Lord in relation to the Church. That clause in Ephesians 5:29, when read rightly, stands: "even as the Christ the Church." To the Church, whether seen as His body or His bride, He is head, not Lord. Lord of course He is; God made Him such... Headship and Lordship both belong to Him, but they are not interchangeable terms. As Lord, He stands apart from all others; as head, He is in close association with what He is joined to.
Care that flows from union rather than rank changes the character of the love itself:
Christ's care of the church does not flow from prerogative only, but His care and tenderness are exercised over it... The love we have to learn is not supremacy in love, but caring, as it were, for Himself.
A husband is not asked to copy everything Christ does. The call is narrower, and more searching.
Christ's love in cleansing the Church is set here before the Christian husband. That is not so that he should set to work and do the same with his wife. It is so that he may, in a general way, learn from our loving Head in glory to show his love to his wife in tender concern for everything that touches her welfare... There are not a few who show great willingness (I do not say skill) for washing their wives' feet, but let them starve at the same time. If you do not know how to nourish and cherish your wife, as your own body, you are not fit to wash her feet.
Measured against Christ, the standard is one a husband never finishes meeting.
What heights and depths this comparison holds! It shows that the debt of love is never paid, but always owed. And yet that love delights to own the debt, and to keep paying it, lavishing care and tenderness on her who has become one with him in God's view.
- Instinct — No one needs convincing to care for himself. God approves that love and makes it the measure for all that follows.
- Measure — Take that instinct as your gauge of Christ's love for you: what you owe yourself, He owns as owed by Him to you.
- Method — Nourishing is food; cherishing is warmth of affection. Christ gives both: truth ministered to us, and tender care that never fails.
- Moment — This is His love now, not only at the cross or at the end. The church's weaknesses and worries are openings for it.
- Mirror — A husband is not asked to cleanse his wife but to feed and warm her; the debt is never paid off, and love is glad it isn't.