Husbands, love your own wives, even as the Christ also loved the assembly, and has delivered himself up for it,
Ephesians points husbands to the cross: not a rule for running the home, but a pattern to copy — Christ's love for the church. That raises the real questions here: what sort of love this is, how far it goes, and what it asks of a man.
The verse speaks to each side of a marriage where it is most likely to fail. For the husband, that place is not authority.
Husbands are not told to rule. That is not where they are likely to fail. They are told to love. Wives are not addressed this way. With them, love is not as likely to be weak as submission is. So what is put before the husband? "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her." Once we take this in, it lifts us above the merely natural level. God's own love is our heavenly pattern.
The verse does not simply approve of the affection a man already feels. It brings in a love of another order, drawn from three periods of Christ's dealings with the church.
Natural affection is recognised here, but a far higher kind of love is brought in. It re-shapes an earthly relationship after a heavenly pattern. The past, present, and future love of Christ for the church are all brought to bear on the husband's duty to his wife.
The verse does not say He gave gifts, or that He gave much. It says He gave Himself, and writers keep coming back to that word.
The first thing of all is His own love, which nothing outside Himself caused. "He loved the church" — perfectly, as God loves, without limit. Here we see how complete His love is. "He gave Himself." He did not only do something for it: "He gave Himself!" ... The self-sacrifice of Christ was absolute: it was Himself, all He is, and all He was in His perfection. Everything in His nature was behind it: "He gave Himself."
Another writer sets the outer limit of that gift.
He then gave Himself; and He could give no more.
The order in the verse matters. The love and the self-giving come first; the cleansing follows in the verses after.
Let us remember that He did not first make the church worthy to be loved, then love it and give Himself for it. He loved it as it was, then gave Himself for it, and now works to make it suitable to Himself. ... Christ loved the church in all its deep need, and gave Himself for it; then, having made it His own, He cleanses it and makes it fit for Himself. None of us is content when someone we love is not what we would wish. Christ will not be content until the church suits Him completely.
Take this standard seriously and it touches even the decision to marry. It also puts a price on love.
Husbands are to love their own wives by no lower standard than Christ's love for the church (v.25). He gave Himself for it. He did not just give many gifts; He gave Himself. If one is not willing to give himself for an intended wife, he ought not to marry her. Notice what this whole section stresses: love works for the greatest good of the one it loves, and it pays for that itself.
Love is the husband's task, so love is also his only tool.
Think of a Christian husband who has spent a hard, stormy day resting his heart on Christ's love and warming himself in it. He does not come home and frown his wife into silence, submission, and obedience. He loves her into it. The only force he uses is his own example — his submission to Christ the Head, his dependence on Him, and his obedience to His Word.
The love that starts at the cross does not stop there. The One who gave Himself is also the One who will receive the church at the end.
Christ Jesus Himself is woven through every part of it. He Himself is the beginning, He Himself the end, He Himself all the way through. He gave Himself as the beginning; and He presents it to Himself as the end. Meanwhile He tenderly cares for the church.
- Love, not rule. The husband's command is love, because that is where he is likely to fail. The wife's harder task is submission.
- Loved first. Christ did not wait for the church to be worthy — He loved it as it was, and the cleansing came afterwards.
- Gave Himself. Not gifts, and not a part of Himself: the whole of Himself, and He could give no more. That is the measure set beside a marriage.
- Cost, not sentiment. Love here works for the other person's greatest good, at real cost. A man who will not give himself should not marry.
- Beginning to end. He gave Himself at the start. He cares for the church now. He will present it to Himself at last. One unbroken love, for a husband to copy.
in order that he might sanctify it, purifying [it] by the washing of water by [the] word,
Commentary for this verse has not been generated yet.