Wives, [submit yourselves] to your own husbands, as to the Lord,
Commentary for this verse has not been generated yet.
for a husband is head of the wife, as also the Christ [is] head of the assembly. *He* [is] Saviour of the body.
Commentary for this verse has not been generated yet.
But even as the assembly is subjected to the Christ, so also wives to their own husbands in everything.
This verse turns a household instruction into a picture of something far larger. The wife's place beside her husband follows the church's place beside Christ. So what kind of subjection is this, and how far does "in everything" reach?
The command does not stand alone. It rests on what has just been said about headship, so the wife's submission follows from the position she has been given rather than from a decision she makes.
This Scripture shows that the position of the wife is one of subjection. The wife is indeed told to obey, but the ground of it is the place she holds. A word or two added in the translation has somewhat hidden this. We read, "As the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be." But leave out the word "let." The italics show it was added. Then we have a simple statement of fact: "As the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives to their own husbands in everything." This matters. The obedience asked of the wife then flows out of the position she is set in — the natural fruit of the relationship. In other words, obedience to her husband is not left to the wife's choice; it is to be given because of her relative place.
The comparison holds even though the visible history of Christians makes a poor advertisement for it. The apostle points to the place the church holds, not to how she has behaved.
The apostle speaks of the place where the church has been set, that of subjection to her Head. He is not speaking of her actual practice. Sadly, how much self-will and losing sight of the Headship of Christ has spoiled that practice! But the truth stands: "the church is subject to Christ." He is her glorified Head. The Christian wife is to learn the great principle and act on it.
Notice how the sentence is built. It does not just say "in everything." It says "as the church submits to Christ." That comparison brings Christ's own dealing with His people into the standard.
Such is the general principle. But then, you will notice, there is always a measure and a guard in every such word of Scripture. It is not simply said, "Therefore, let the wives be subject in everything to their own husbands," but "Therefore, as the Church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be." So Christ's own blessed way of caring for the church, and of dealing with it in its due subjection to the Lord, becomes the pattern for wives towards their own husbands.
The phrase is broad. But it has one boundary, and the wording in Colossians shows where it lies.
There seems to be one limit to this statement. The words in Colossians show it: "Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord" (Col. 3:18). Suppose the husband's will interferes with the wife's own responsibility to the Lord. Suppose it clashes with the Lord's will as given in His word. If she must choose between obeying her husband and disobeying the Lord, then the Lord must have the supreme claim. With this one exception her submission to her husband must be complete.
Notice who receives which instruction. The command about subjection goes to one side only, and not to the side with authority.
Wives are told to submit to their husbands. Husbands are never pressed to keep their wives in subjection. The duty pressed on them is to love their wives.
Marriage carries marks of the fall. Yet the verse lifts it up, because of what it now pictures.
The subjection of the believer to the Lord, or of the Church to Christ, is no curse or bondage. These are now the models for the wife's subjection. She is to be subject to her own husband, "as to the Lord," and as "the Church is subject to Christ." How beautiful to see a human relationship turned into a picture of the mystery — and a relationship that draws part of its character from the fall! In that mystery God displays His "manifold wisdom" to "the rulers and authorities in the heavenly places."
- Pattern. The church's relation to Christ her Head sets the model for the wife's place.
- Position. Her subjection grows out of the place she holds, not out of a choice she makes. Take away the added word "let" and the verse reads as a plain statement of fact.
- Measure. The same comparison that commands her also guards her. It brings in Christ's own way of caring for the church as the pattern.
- Limit. "In everything" has one boundary. If obeying her husband would mean disobeying the Lord, the Lord comes first.
- Dignity. The pattern brings no bondage, but honour. A human marriage becomes a picture of the mystery in which God shows His wisdom to rulers in heaven.
Husbands, love your own wives, even as the Christ also loved the assembly, and has delivered himself up for it,
Ephesians points husbands to the cross: not a rule for running the home, but a pattern to copy — Christ's love for the church. That raises the real questions here: what sort of love this is, how far it goes, and what it asks of a man.
The verse speaks to each side of a marriage where it is most likely to fail. For the husband, that place is not authority.
Husbands are not told to rule. That is not where they are likely to fail. They are told to love. Wives are not addressed this way. With them, love is not as likely to be weak as submission is. So what is put before the husband? "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her." Once we take this in, it lifts us above the merely natural level. God's own love is our heavenly pattern.
The verse does not simply approve of the affection a man already feels. It brings in a love of another order, drawn from three periods of Christ's dealings with the church.
Natural affection is recognised here, but a far higher kind of love is brought in. It re-shapes an earthly relationship after a heavenly pattern. The past, present, and future love of Christ for the church are all brought to bear on the husband's duty to his wife.
The verse does not say He gave gifts, or that He gave much. It says He gave Himself, and writers keep coming back to that word.
The first thing of all is His own love, which nothing outside Himself caused. "He loved the church" — perfectly, as God loves, without limit. Here we see how complete His love is. "He gave Himself." He did not only do something for it: "He gave Himself!" ... The self-sacrifice of Christ was absolute: it was Himself, all He is, and all He was in His perfection. Everything in His nature was behind it: "He gave Himself."
Another writer sets the outer limit of that gift.
He then gave Himself; and He could give no more.
The order in the verse matters. The love and the self-giving come first; the cleansing follows in the verses after.
Let us remember that He did not first make the church worthy to be loved, then love it and give Himself for it. He loved it as it was, then gave Himself for it, and now works to make it suitable to Himself. ... Christ loved the church in all its deep need, and gave Himself for it; then, having made it His own, He cleanses it and makes it fit for Himself. None of us is content when someone we love is not what we would wish. Christ will not be content until the church suits Him completely.
Take this standard seriously and it touches even the decision to marry. It also puts a price on love.
Husbands are to love their own wives by no lower standard than Christ's love for the church (v.25). He gave Himself for it. He did not just give many gifts; He gave Himself. If one is not willing to give himself for an intended wife, he ought not to marry her. Notice what this whole section stresses: love works for the greatest good of the one it loves, and it pays for that itself.
Love is the husband's task, so love is also his only tool.
Think of a Christian husband who has spent a hard, stormy day resting his heart on Christ's love and warming himself in it. He does not come home and frown his wife into silence, submission, and obedience. He loves her into it. The only force he uses is his own example — his submission to Christ the Head, his dependence on Him, and his obedience to His Word.
The love that starts at the cross does not stop there. The One who gave Himself is also the One who will receive the church at the end.
Christ Jesus Himself is woven through every part of it. He Himself is the beginning, He Himself the end, He Himself all the way through. He gave Himself as the beginning; and He presents it to Himself as the end. Meanwhile He tenderly cares for the church.
- Love, not rule. The husband's command is love, because that is where he is likely to fail. The wife's harder task is submission.
- Loved first. Christ did not wait for the church to be worthy — He loved it as it was, and the cleansing came afterwards.
- Gave Himself. Not gifts, and not a part of Himself: the whole of Himself, and He could give no more. That is the measure set beside a marriage.
- Cost, not sentiment. Love here works for the other person's greatest good, at real cost. A man who will not give himself should not marry.
- Beginning to end. He gave Himself at the start. He cares for the church now. He will present it to Himself at last. One unbroken love, for a husband to copy.
in order that he might sanctify it, purifying [it] by the washing of water by [the] word,
Commentary for this verse has not been generated yet.
that *he* might present the assembly to himself glorious, having no spot, or wrinkle, or any of such things; but that it might be holy and blameless.
Paul is teaching husbands how to love their wives. To do it, he points them to the end of Christ's love for the church: a presentation day still ahead. The verse raises three questions. Who receives the church? What do "spot" and "wrinkle" mean? And what is Christ doing about them now?
Who receives the church on that day? The answer shapes everything else in the verse.
But what is the object of Christ's love in the future? "That He might present it to Himself" — not to another. Not, here, to display it to the world, but "TO HIMSELF," "a glorious church." Yes, not a church in shame, but glorious, "not having spot or wrinkle, or any such thing," but "holy and blameless" (Eph. 1:4; 5:27).
God formed the woman and brought her to Adam. That first scene shows why the church cannot come to Christ as she is now.
In paradise, when God built the woman, He presented her to Adam: this is what will happen concerning the church; Eph. 5:27. He has given His life for her. He washes her by His word. He will present her to Himself glorious, with the same glory He Himself has as risen and glorified. This will be the marriage supper of the Lamb. The church is the bride united to Jesus in glory. She is justified, purified, and glorified. A bride in a lowly body is not fit for a Bridegroom in a glorious body.
Christ's love moves in stages: He gave Himself, He cleanses now, He will present at the end. Only the last stage is final.
This is the complete account of what Christ does: He cleanses the Church as well as sanctifies it. All defilement has to go, and in both cases God uses the washing of water by the word. But there is a third and future fruit of His love — "that He might present it to Himself a glorious Church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing." There we have the complete blessing of the Church. Cleansing will no longer be in question. All the love of Christ will have its perfect effect, and the Church will be glorious according to His own likeness.
The two words are not repetition. They name two different ways beauty is lost.
There are two things by which beauty is marred: spots and wrinkles. The first show defilement. The second come from passion, or from worry and age. Both are the effects of sin — the first directly, the second indirectly. If there were no sin in the world, there would be no spots and no wrinkles. Everyone dislikes wrinkles, clean or not. But only a clean person avoids spots. Someone with dirty habits does not mind them.
Count the two positive words too, and the verse gives four marks. They land at the rapture, when Christ comes and takes His people to Himself.
So at the rapture we shall all be without spot for ever. Second, we shall be without wrinkle, without any marks of decay. Third, we shall be fully holy in nature. Fourth, without blemish… These four marks mean we shall be stainless, ageless, sinless and blameless in the day that is coming when He presents us collectively to Himself. Nothing less than His own standard will do…
The sweep of the wording rules out a partial gathering.
It will have no spot, that is, no defect of any sort. No wrinkle, that is, no sign of age or decay, "nor any such thing," that is, no other defect of any imaginable kind. Could language be stronger or more sweeping? How could that fit the idea that the Lord will catch up only some of the many who make up the church when He comes? In that case He would indeed present to Himself mutilated fragments rather than a church without spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing.
What about the church as it looks now? An ordinary gathering can look like anything but glorious.
Yet they do give us a very different idea of the reality of things from what we often think when we come together, twenty or more of us, let us say, to break bread. All of us are very weak, all failing, all apt to make mistakes. Not one of us is anything to be proud of. We think, "What a poor lot we are!" And it is true. But when we read verses like these, we see that a work of the Lord is in progress upon us.
- Given — Love began with a gift of Himself. Everything in this verse grows out of that one act.
- Cleansed — He washes His people by the word now. One day that cleansing is finished and never needed again.
- Presented — He hands the church to no one else. God brought the woman to Adam; Christ brings the bride to Himself, glorious with His own glory.
- Flawless — Spot means defilement, wrinkle means decay. Add holy and without blemish, and the four marks read: stainless, ageless, sinless, blameless.
- Whole — No fragment, no select few. The sweeping language leaves no one out. So the weakest gathering today can still say: a work of the Lord is in progress upon us.
So ought men also to love their own wives as their own bodies he that loves his own wife loves himself.
Commentary for this verse has not been generated yet.
For no one has ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, even as also the Christ the assembly
The verse rests on something no one has to be taught: we feed and protect our own bodies. Paul makes that instinct the standard for how a husband loves his wife, and then says it is the way Christ treats the church.
The verse does not appeal to duty first. It appeals to something already at work in every person, and God puts His approval on it.
The Spirit of God here assumes a necessary way of nature, and assumes it with approval. That regard for one's self which each of us is ready enough to give has God's own approval. And then, on this very principle of nature, the apostle goes on to set out the Lord's nourishing care of the Church... So if I can understand my love for myself, I may understand Christ's love to me. My Lord owns the duty I owe myself as a duty He owes to me. He can only nourish and cherish me, as I would nourish and cherish myself.
Applied to marriage, this reshapes how a man sees his wife — and how he sees any injury done to her.
He is now taking up the common instinct that men naturally avoid pain and take care of themselves. He is speaking only of the fact. He says: look upon your wife as a part of yourself. Anything that would wrong her is that much wrong done to your own body.
The two words are not repetition. Each means something different, and each reaches us in its own way.
And what are nourishing and cherishing? Nourishing is food, and cherishing is warmth of affection. You have the truth ministered by the gifts the Lord gives — that is the nourishment, and saints need nourishment... not just the ministry of all that He is to our souls to form us like Himself; He also leaves out no detail of tender care for His own.
Christ's aim is heaven. But this verse is about now — what His love is doing for the church here, and what draws it out.
Not only has Christ a heavenly aim, but His love performs the work which, so to speak, is natural to it. He cares tenderly for the church here below; He nourishes it, He cherishes it. The church's needs, weaknesses, difficulties and anxieties are only openings for Christ to show His love... If the end is heaven, He does not leave the church abandoned here. She learns His love where her heart needs it.
That has a steadying effect on anyone discouraged by the state of Christians around them.
It is a great comfort to know this is true of the Church as it is now, when we think of the ruin all around. Does Christ ever cease to nourish what belongs to Him? Impossible. In spite of all the ruin, He has the same care for His people.
Some older translations end the verse with "even as the Lord the church." One commentator shows why the better reading, "Christ," matters.
Scripture never speaks of Him as Lord in relation to the Church. That clause in Ephesians 5:29, when read rightly, stands: "even as the Christ the Church." To the Church, whether seen as His body or His bride, He is head, not Lord. Lord of course He is; God made Him such... Headship and Lordship both belong to Him, but they are not interchangeable terms. As Lord, He stands apart from all others; as head, He is in close association with what He is joined to.
Care that flows from union rather than rank changes the character of the love itself:
Christ's care of the church does not flow from prerogative only, but His care and tenderness are exercised over it... The love we have to learn is not supremacy in love, but caring, as it were, for Himself.
A husband is not asked to copy everything Christ does. The call is narrower, and more searching.
Christ's love in cleansing the Church is set here before the Christian husband. That is not so that he should set to work and do the same with his wife. It is so that he may, in a general way, learn from our loving Head in glory to show his love to his wife in tender concern for everything that touches her welfare... There are not a few who show great willingness (I do not say skill) for washing their wives' feet, but let them starve at the same time. If you do not know how to nourish and cherish your wife, as your own body, you are not fit to wash her feet.
Measured against Christ, the standard is one a husband never finishes meeting.
What heights and depths this comparison holds! It shows that the debt of love is never paid, but always owed. And yet that love delights to own the debt, and to keep paying it, lavishing care and tenderness on her who has become one with him in God's view.
- Instinct — No one needs convincing to care for himself. God approves that love and makes it the measure for all that follows.
- Measure — Take that instinct as your gauge of Christ's love for you: what you owe yourself, He owns as owed by Him to you.
- Method — Nourishing is food; cherishing is warmth of affection. Christ gives both: truth ministered to us, and tender care that never fails.
- Moment — This is His love now, not only at the cross or at the end. The church's weaknesses and worries are openings for it.
- Mirror — A husband is not asked to cleanse his wife but to feed and warm her; the debt is never paid off, and love is glad it isn't.
for we are members of his body; [we are of his flesh, and of his bones.]
The words come as a reason, not a new subject: Christ nourishes and cherishes the church because of what she is to Him. Everything turns on that little "because." What comes next points back to Adam.
(Older translations add "of His flesh, and of His bones" at the end of the verse. The commentators below work from that longer reading.)
The verse gives a reason for that care. The church's needs only give His love something to do.
No one, he says, ever hated his own flesh; he nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. This is the precious side of Christ's love for the present time, which the apostle presents here. His love does the work which, so to speak, is natural to it. He cares tenderly for the church here below. Her wants, weaknesses, difficulties and anxieties are only opportunities for Christ to exercise His love.
Christ's love has two sides. One prepares the church for glory; the other cares for her on the way.
Sanctifying and cleansing look on to the presentation in glory. Nourishing and cherishing belong to our journey on earth. His love not only looks on to the glory. It also watches over us on the way there, as we pass through this dark world from which He is absent. He knows the circumstances we are in and the trials we have to meet. He knows our weaknesses and infirmities. In them all He cares for us and meets our needs.
The verse uses a measure everyone already knows: how you treat your own body.
God Himself approves the regard for oneself that each of us is ready enough to give. The apostle says Christ acts towards us on this instinctive verdict of nature: a man is to love his own body. So if I can understand my love for myself, I may understand Christ's love to me. My Lord acknowledges the duty I owe myself as owed by Him to me.
Christ counts what touches the church as touching Himself.
We are, as it were, a part of Himself. We have our existence and our being from Him, as Eve had hers from Adam. He can say, "I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting."
Does that make us Christ's flesh and bone in a physical sense?
We must not take this literally here. But could language set out the mystical union of Christ and His Church more clearly or more forcibly? These words come from Adam's cry of wonder when he woke from his deep sleep. That sleep pictures the death of Christ for His redeemed, so that He might have a Bride for His affections. When Adam looked at his bride he said, "This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh." That was literally true of Adam and Eve. It is used as a symbol of Christ and His Church.
Some read the verse as though it described Christ taking human nature. Kelly reads it the other way round.
The verse is sometimes applied to Christ's becoming man; but it is the reverse of that. It does not mean Christ taking our flesh and bone, but our being made members of His body, of His flesh, and of His bones. It is our relationship to Christ risen from the dead, not Christ's relationship to us as a man on earth. We are really a part of Himself, united to Him as He now is in the presence of God.
If the union is with a risen and ascended Man, it has a date and a means.
So it is clearly the raised and ascended man who is made head of the body, and set over all things. There was no such man until the ascension. So where people set up the church before Pentecost in their imagination, union loses all its reality and the church loses all true existence. "He who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with Him." We are members of His body, of His flesh, and of His bones. All of this assumes the man Christ, and Christ ascended, when union is spoken of — and that is union by the power of the Holy Spirit.
- Because — the verse is a reason, not a description. Christ feeds and cherishes the church because she is part of Himself.
- Now — cleansing looks ahead to the glory. Nourishing and cherishing are for the journey through this world in the meantime.
- Measure — the care you give your own body is the measure Christ owns as owed by Him to you.
- Eve — the words are Adam's on waking; the deep sleep pictures Christ's death, out of which the church came to be His.
- Risen — the union is not with Christ born into flesh but with Christ raised and ascended. The Holy Spirit makes it real in us.
Because of this a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall be united to his wife, and the two shall be one flesh.
Paul's teaching to husbands reaches back to the oldest words in the Bible about marriage. He quotes them, then says he is speaking about Christ and the church — so how can one ordinary human bond carry so much weight?
Paul draws on the making of Eve in Genesis. One writer reads that scene as a picture drawn long before the thing it pictures.
Adam falls into a deep sleep. God takes a rib out of his side and builds a woman from it. Then God Himself marries our first parents. Is not this a beautiful picture of Christ and the church? He falls into the deep sleep of death, and through His death He forms His Bride. Thousands of years later the believers at Ephesus read in Paul's letter how a husband should behave towards his wife. Yet that was not the main thought. Paul used their earthly relationship as a picture of Christ and His church... But if we throw doubt on Genesis, we throw doubt on Ephesians too.
The verse starts with leaving. One writer takes that as the founding of a new household, not the cancelling of an old duty.
Marriage begins a new estate. Father and mother are to be loved and honoured still, but relied on no longer as protectors. The man departs from his state of dependence as a son to become himself the head of a new house.
That shift changes where a man's daily attention goes.
Before a man marries, his chief relationship is that of a son. His responsibility is towards his parents. But when he marries he leaves his father and mother and holds fast to his wife. From then on she becomes his chief care, for he and she are no longer two but one flesh.
The verse asks a husband to "hold fast" to his wife. Older translations render that word "cleave" or "cling", and the wife owes her husband the same devotion.
God established marriage as the first of human relationships. He makes it clear for all later generations that a man should leave his father and mother and cling to his wife. It is just as clear that the woman should leave her parents to become fully devoted to her husband. The word "cling" is beautiful here. It involves the reality of love, of devotedness and of faithfulness.
The verse also settles how open a husband should be with his wife.
I hardly need to say that this verse rules out everything opposed to complete confidence in such a relationship. The husband, if he acts in the spirit of it, has no secret from the one who is part of himself.
Paul explains the verse himself. The "leaving" becomes something Christ did.
The man who loves his wife loves himself, and he is to leave other relationships to be joined to his wife. The Apostle quotes from Genesis. But he states clearly that this is a great mystery about Christ and the church. Christ, as Man, left all relations with Israel according to the flesh to secure His church.
Some take "one flesh" to mean Christ becoming a man. William Kelly rules that out.
This is sometimes applied to Christ's becoming man, but it is the opposite of that. It does not mean Christ taking our flesh and bone; it means our being made members of His body, of His flesh, and of His bones. It is our relationship to Christ risen from the dead, not Christ's relationship to us as a man on earth... It is our union with Him, not His incarnation.
- Quoted — Paul lifts the sentence from the account of Adam and Eve. The garden pictured the union of Christ and the church long before Paul explained it.
- Leave — marriage starts a new household. Parents are still honoured, but no longer leaned on. The wife becomes the husband's first care.
- Cling — the word means love, devotedness and faithfulness. Husband and wife each owe it to the other.
- One flesh — if she is part of himself, then secrecy and reserve have no place in the marriage.
- Mystery — Christ Himself left His relations with Israel to gain the church. The union in view is with the risen Christ, not His becoming man.
This mystery is great, but *I* speak as to Christ, and as to the assembly.
Paul has just been writing about husband and wife. Now he tells us his real subject was Christ and the church all along, and the word "mystery" is the hinge of the whole passage.
In the Bible this word is not something too deep to grasp. It is something God kept back and has now made known.
The mystery is no longer "hidden in God"; it is disclosed. You must always keep this in mind when you read about the mystery — it is now revealed and nothing is left in the dark. God sets the secret out in His own light, and He expects the simplest Christian to receive it. Could any words do more to destroy the common idea that a mystery means something we cannot understand, and that a godly person dare not look into?
This letter speaks of more than one mystery. This one has its own content.
Here we have a special part only: the union of the Church with Christ, as of His body, His bones and His flesh. This union sets the Church in its own special and wonderful place, when all was headed up in Christ in heaven and earth. It is a special mystery to itself.
Paul calls only one other mystery great. That comparison shows the weight of this one.
The emphasis of the Apostle's language is very remarkable. All the mysteries of God are the subject of His stewardship. Even so, the only other place where he speaks of a great mystery is where he describes the coming of the Living One in flesh, and its effects, under the title of the "mystery of godliness." Only one wonder is greater: the Son of God taking our flesh. Next to it stands this mystery, which declares the Church to be the acceptable spouse of Christ.
It is easy to read this backwards, as though Paul reached for a handy comparison. The order runs the other way.
The relationship of husband and wife is not simply a convenient illustration. Ephesians 5 makes it clear that God modelled marriage on what He had in His mind: the relationship of Christ and the church. That relationship of Christ and His church was in the Divine mind in eternity, and in time God set up the relationship of husband and wife.
Look at how God made the first man and woman. Every detail carries weight.
The particular way God made Eve out of Adam gives marriage a special holiness. The husband is to cherish his wife as part of his own being. It also supplies a beautiful picture of Christ's relationship with the Church. As Adam was not complete without Eve, so Christ, though Head over all, is not complete without the Church... As Adam fell into a deep sleep, so Christ went into death. As Eve was formed out of Adam, so the Church is given life with Christ, and has His own life.
A well-known teaching about marriage rests on the Latin translation of this verse. One writer tests it for consistency.
The word "sacrament" comes from the Latin sacramentum, the oath of loyalty taken by Roman soldiers. So it is a church term, not a Scriptural one. The Latin translation uses it for the Greek word mysterion, mystery. It does so in Eph. 5:32, where the Apostle speaks of marriage. From this, the Roman Catholic church makes marriage a sacrament. The absurdity of this is clear. If the Greek word mysterion always meant a sacrament, the usual church sense of the word would be gone. Think of "the mystery of the gospel," "the mystery of godliness," "the mystery of iniquity." And if it does not always mean that, then on what authority in Eph. 5:32?
This heavenly truth does not stay in the air. It comes home to daily married life.
The full union is still only a hope. Yet the Christian husband or wife believes that such a relationship exists, and that belief is to govern their feelings about the merely natural tie. Loving from principle, in the power of faith, is something different from obeying a natural instinct... Here we are taught that among Christians, Christ is to be the one rule that governs every relationship a member of His body may be called to fill.
- Mystery — told. Not a puzzle to avoid. It is a secret God once hid and has now made plain to the simplest believer.
- Mystery — named. Its content is the union of the church with Christ, a secret standing in a class of its own.
- Mystery — great. Paul calls only one other mystery great: the mystery of godliness. The church as Christ's spouse ranks next to God manifest in flesh.
- Mystery — pictured. Adam's deep sleep and Eve made from him came first in history but second in purpose. God modelled marriage on Christ and the church, not the other way round.
- Mystery — lived. The great thing is Christ and the church. So marriage is not a sacrament but a reflection: love and reverence at home, governed by Him.
But *ye* also, every one of you, let each so love his own wife as himself; but as to the wife [I speak] that she may fear the husband.
Ephesians has just lifted marriage to its highest point: Christ and the church. Now, in one verse, the subject comes back down to one man and one woman in one home. Everything turns on a small word — "however" (older versions read "nevertheless"). Two duties follow, and they are not the same: he loves, she respects.
Why does the verse start with a turn like this? Having taught the heavenly side of marriage, the Spirit adds a word that steadies and limits it.
The apostle's "nevertheless" is very important. It has wide application. Clearly the Holy Spirit saw the need for such a qualifying, moderating, regulating clause when, having commented on the heavenly side of the subject of marriage, He adds the words of this verse.
Why does this need saying? Because marriage stands in two worlds at once.
Are not husbands and wives, parents and children, masters and servants, earthly relationships? Unquestionably. True, they are formed on a heavenly model and to be carried out after a heavenly pattern... Still they are relationships in nature, formed on the earth and to be carried out in daily life. There will be no such relationships in heaven.
The command does not speak to marriage in general. It names each husband. Daily life at home tests what he says he believes.
Of what use is it for a man to speak of lofty theories about the heavenly relationship of Christ and the church while he fails every day of his life in his earthly relationship as a husband? His wife is neglected. She may be treated coldly or harshly. She is not nourished, cherished, sustained and ministered to according to the heavenly model of Christ and His church.
The husband gets no list of rules. He gets one standard, and it is a high one.
The marriage relationship is set forth in the highest possible light... We are to walk in this light, and so the Christian husband is to love his wife as he loves himself — no small standard, that! — and the wife to reverence her husband.
Husband and wife are one flesh. So Christ's care for the church sets the pattern for his care of her.
The wife, being "one flesh" with him, he must nourish and cherish her, even as Christ the church. What heights and depths this comparison contains! It shows indeed that the debt of love is never paid, but always owed. And yet love delights to recognise it, and to be always paying it, lavishing care and tenderness on her who has become one with him in the view of God.
The word behind "respects" is a word for fear. What kind of fear does it mean, and how does a wife show it?
The word "fear" is the same as the one translated "reverence" in Ephesians. It teaches that her behaviour should recognise the position the husband holds in God's order and appointment. There is no thought of slavish dread, but simply the loving reverence which seeks to please and fears to offend. This grows naturally out of giving her husband his true place — his place as her head. So when she gives him respect, she also honours God's appointment.
This fear does not compete with love. It has an aim, and it binds both sides of the marriage.
Let her see that she reverences or, literally, fears her husband... Whatever the confidence of a wife in her husband, it is surely a fitting thing for a wife to fear him. Nor is this in the least incompatible with love... Here it is the fear that dreads to offend, and earnestly seeks the husband's honour... The principle always holds. As nothing justifies a husband in not loving his wife, so nothing justifies a wife in not reverencing her husband.
The verse's two commands are not rivals. The same pattern appears in the church's own attitude toward Christ.
She reverences her husband (it might read, "Fear the husband," Eph. 5:33), while she knows that he loves her as Himself.
And when either side is dropped, homes suffer for it.
We are not to forget that the husband is to love his wife as himself, and the wife is to reverently fear her husband. Here lies the true secret of married happiness, and it is because these scriptural exhortations are not heeded that so much sorrow and distress are found in many homes.
- Nevertheless — one word carries the highest truth in Scripture into an ordinary house. Heavenly teaching is meant to shape earthly ties that will not exist in heaven.
- In particular — the command names each husband. The way he treats one wife day by day tests all his big talk about Christ and the church.
- As himself — the husband measures love by the care he gives his own body. The pattern is Christ nourishing and cherishing the church: a debt of love never paid off, always owed.
- Respect — the word means fear. Not dread, but loving respect that seeks to please, fears to offend, and guards her husband's honour.
- Together — love and respect are two halves of one order. Keep both, and you hold the true secret of married happiness.