Wives, [submit yourselves] to your own husbands, as to the Lord,
Commentary for this verse has not been generated yet.
for a husband is head of the wife, as also the Christ [is] head of the assembly. *He* [is] Saviour of the body.
Commentary for this verse has not been generated yet.
But even as the assembly is subjected to the Christ, so also wives to their own husbands in everything.
This verse turns a household instruction into a picture of something far larger. The wife's place beside her husband follows the church's place beside Christ. So what kind of subjection is this, and how far does "in everything" reach?
The command does not stand alone. It rests on what has just been said about headship, so the wife's submission follows from the position she has been given rather than from a decision she makes.
This Scripture shows that the position of the wife is one of subjection. The wife is indeed told to obey, but the ground of it is the place she holds. A word or two added in the translation has somewhat hidden this. We read, "As the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be." But leave out the word "let." The italics show it was added. Then we have a simple statement of fact: "As the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives to their own husbands in everything." This matters. The obedience asked of the wife then flows out of the position she is set in — the natural fruit of the relationship. In other words, obedience to her husband is not left to the wife's choice; it is to be given because of her relative place.
The comparison holds even though the visible history of Christians makes a poor advertisement for it. The apostle points to the place the church holds, not to how she has behaved.
The apostle speaks of the place where the church has been set, that of subjection to her Head. He is not speaking of her actual practice. Sadly, how much self-will and losing sight of the Headship of Christ has spoiled that practice! But the truth stands: "the church is subject to Christ." He is her glorified Head. The Christian wife is to learn the great principle and act on it.
Notice how the sentence is built. It does not just say "in everything." It says "as the church submits to Christ." That comparison brings Christ's own dealing with His people into the standard.
Such is the general principle. But then, you will notice, there is always a measure and a guard in every such word of Scripture. It is not simply said, "Therefore, let the wives be subject in everything to their own husbands," but "Therefore, as the Church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be." So Christ's own blessed way of caring for the church, and of dealing with it in its due subjection to the Lord, becomes the pattern for wives towards their own husbands.
The phrase is broad. But it has one boundary, and the wording in Colossians shows where it lies.
There seems to be one limit to this statement. The words in Colossians show it: "Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord" (Col. 3:18). Suppose the husband's will interferes with the wife's own responsibility to the Lord. Suppose it clashes with the Lord's will as given in His word. If she must choose between obeying her husband and disobeying the Lord, then the Lord must have the supreme claim. With this one exception her submission to her husband must be complete.
Notice who receives which instruction. The command about subjection goes to one side only, and not to the side with authority.
Wives are told to submit to their husbands. Husbands are never pressed to keep their wives in subjection. The duty pressed on them is to love their wives.
Marriage carries marks of the fall. Yet the verse lifts it up, because of what it now pictures.
The subjection of the believer to the Lord, or of the Church to Christ, is no curse or bondage. These are now the models for the wife's subjection. She is to be subject to her own husband, "as to the Lord," and as "the Church is subject to Christ." How beautiful to see a human relationship turned into a picture of the mystery — and a relationship that draws part of its character from the fall! In that mystery God displays His "manifold wisdom" to "the rulers and authorities in the heavenly places."
- Pattern. The church's relation to Christ her Head sets the model for the wife's place.
- Position. Her subjection grows out of the place she holds, not out of a choice she makes. Take away the added word "let" and the verse reads as a plain statement of fact.
- Measure. The same comparison that commands her also guards her. It brings in Christ's own way of caring for the church as the pattern.
- Limit. "In everything" has one boundary. If obeying her husband would mean disobeying the Lord, the Lord comes first.
- Dignity. The pattern brings no bondage, but honour. A human marriage becomes a picture of the mystery in which God shows His wisdom to rulers in heaven.
Husbands, love your own wives, even as the Christ also loved the assembly, and has delivered himself up for it,
Ephesians points husbands to the cross: not a rule for running the home, but a pattern to copy — Christ's love for the church. That raises the real questions here: what sort of love this is, how far it goes, and what it asks of a man.
The verse speaks to each side of a marriage where it is most likely to fail. For the husband, that place is not authority.
Husbands are not told to rule. That is not where they are likely to fail. They are told to love. Wives are not addressed this way. With them, love is not as likely to be weak as submission is. So what is put before the husband? "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her." Once we take this in, it lifts us above the merely natural level. God's own love is our heavenly pattern.
The verse does not simply approve of the affection a man already feels. It brings in a love of another order, drawn from three periods of Christ's dealings with the church.
Natural affection is recognised here, but a far higher kind of love is brought in. It re-shapes an earthly relationship after a heavenly pattern. The past, present, and future love of Christ for the church are all brought to bear on the husband's duty to his wife.
The verse does not say He gave gifts, or that He gave much. It says He gave Himself, and writers keep coming back to that word.
The first thing of all is His own love, which nothing outside Himself caused. "He loved the church" — perfectly, as God loves, without limit. Here we see how complete His love is. "He gave Himself." He did not only do something for it: "He gave Himself!" ... The self-sacrifice of Christ was absolute: it was Himself, all He is, and all He was in His perfection. Everything in His nature was behind it: "He gave Himself."
Another writer sets the outer limit of that gift.
He then gave Himself; and He could give no more.
The order in the verse matters. The love and the self-giving come first; the cleansing follows in the verses after.
Let us remember that He did not first make the church worthy to be loved, then love it and give Himself for it. He loved it as it was, then gave Himself for it, and now works to make it suitable to Himself. ... Christ loved the church in all its deep need, and gave Himself for it; then, having made it His own, He cleanses it and makes it fit for Himself. None of us is content when someone we love is not what we would wish. Christ will not be content until the church suits Him completely.
Take this standard seriously and it touches even the decision to marry. It also puts a price on love.
Husbands are to love their own wives by no lower standard than Christ's love for the church (v.25). He gave Himself for it. He did not just give many gifts; He gave Himself. If one is not willing to give himself for an intended wife, he ought not to marry her. Notice what this whole section stresses: love works for the greatest good of the one it loves, and it pays for that itself.
Love is the husband's task, so love is also his only tool.
Think of a Christian husband who has spent a hard, stormy day resting his heart on Christ's love and warming himself in it. He does not come home and frown his wife into silence, submission, and obedience. He loves her into it. The only force he uses is his own example — his submission to Christ the Head, his dependence on Him, and his obedience to His Word.
The love that starts at the cross does not stop there. The One who gave Himself is also the One who will receive the church at the end.
Christ Jesus Himself is woven through every part of it. He Himself is the beginning, He Himself the end, He Himself all the way through. He gave Himself as the beginning; and He presents it to Himself as the end. Meanwhile He tenderly cares for the church.
- Love, not rule. The husband's command is love, because that is where he is likely to fail. The wife's harder task is submission.
- Loved first. Christ did not wait for the church to be worthy — He loved it as it was, and the cleansing came afterwards.
- Gave Himself. Not gifts, and not a part of Himself: the whole of Himself, and He could give no more. That is the measure set beside a marriage.
- Cost, not sentiment. Love here works for the other person's greatest good, at real cost. A man who will not give himself should not marry.
- Beginning to end. He gave Himself at the start. He cares for the church now. He will present it to Himself at last. One unbroken love, for a husband to copy.