And Absalom fled, and went to Talmai, the son of Ammihud, king of Geshur. And [David] mourned for his son every day.
This verse closes a chapter of shame in David's family. Absalom has killed his half-brother Amnon. He escapes to Geshur and stays there, while his father mourns without stopping. Two questions follow. Why did the king's son run to a foreign court instead of a city of refuge? And why did David, who was set to guard God's law, only weep?
After two years the reckoning day comes. Absalom (the father of peace) becomes the murderer of his brother. It was an awful deed... The sword is drawn, and it fell on David's house. The harvest is on. What a man sows, that he will reap — murder for murder... Absalom, the one who killed his brother, fled to Talmai, his mother's father. He remained there three years... Who was responsible for it all? The scenes of lust and murder, outrage and bloodshed, revolt and rebellion, sorrow upon sorrow, grief upon grief, start with David's great sin. God pardoned him and restored him in every sense of the word. Yet God maintains His holiness, and He chastised His servant.
Israel had cities of refuge, but only for the man who killed without intent. Absalom had planned the killing, so the land itself held nothing for him — which is why he ran out of it.
Absalom by this had defiled the land, and forfeited his life (Num. 35:33). All that he can now do is to flee to strangers, for the land had no city of refuge for such a man. The avenger of blood might claim him from Bezer or from Kedesh. He had shed his brother's blood, and this cried for vengeance... Absalom had fled, for he was now a debtor to that law. David was the guardian of that law, for he held his throne on the terms of reading it always (Deut. 17). What then can David do now? David may mourn for the son slain, and for the son banished, but are not both equally lost to him?
Talmai, king of Geshur, was Absalom's grandfather on his mother's side. One writer traces both David's longing and the escape route back to David's own disobedience.
At the end of this chapter the king was longing for Absalom. This was an unfortunate weakness. Absalom was a murderer, and the law of the Lord did not allow David to long after him... David had married Maacah, the daughter of Talmai the king of Geshur, and that marriage was already a transgression. (Absalom had taken refuge with his grandfather.) Talmai was one of the Canaanite kings left alive because the people were unfaithful (Joshua 13:2-3). God forbade Israel to marry into those nations (Ex. 34:15-16)... David used his royal power to break this command instead of obeying the law.
Absalom's exile was his own choice, not a sentence forced on him. Even the name of the place he chose says something.
Absalom becomes a voluntary exile, going to Geshur, meaning "proud beholder" (v.37). This suggests the pride of watching others and condemning them, while seeing no wrong in oneself. In contrast to David, there is no sign that Absalom ever repented of his crime. He remained at Geshur for three years, during which time David longed after his son.
David's daily mourning was real. One writer weighs that grief against what the king failed to do.
How did David regard the crime of his son? He mourned for his son day after day... and he longed to go out to Absalom, for he was comforted concerning Amnon, seeing he was dead! Sadly, his own wrongdoing had weakened the king's moral sense. He failed to uphold the Lord's righteous law, either through natural affection or through a lack of the courage it needed.
The story does not stop at Geshur. Three years later, David let the son he wept over come home.
Absalom murders Amnon, and then flees to Geshur, where he remains three years. David allows him to return, contrary to the clear command of the law. Even if he had only killed by accident, he should have remained in a city of refuge. But he was a murderer. With his murder still on him, David takes him back on natural grounds — no confession, no judgement, no atonement.
- Sown — The murder and the flight are the harvest of David's own sin. God pardoned him, yet still chastised him, and the sword stayed in his house.
- Shut out — Absalom killed with intent, so no city of refuge in Israel could hold him. The only door left was a foreign court.
- Sheltered — That door was one David had opened himself, by a marriage into a Canaanite family that the law forbade.
- Unsoftened — Three years at Geshur produced no repentance in Absalom. Meanwhile David longed after him, and that longing was a weakness.
- Unjudged — David took Absalom back with no confession, no judgement, no atonement, against the clear command of the law.
Now Absalom fled, and went to Geshur, and was there three years.
Absalom has just killed his brother Amnon for dishonouring their sister Tamar, and now he runs to Geshur, a small kingdom outside Israel. Why could a king's son find no shelter at home, and what did those three years change?
Commentators trace this flight back to David's own sin. God forgave him, but His government over him ran its course.
David is pardoned, because he confesses his sin. But in His government God shows Himself to be unbending. He spares the king, who deserved death. Yet He tells David that the sword will never depart from his house... David's punishment also matches his sins.
Israel had cities of refuge, but they sheltered only a man who killed by accident. Absalom had murdered, so the only door open to him was a foreign one.
Absalom had now defiled the land and forfeited his life (Num. 35:33). All he can do now is flee to strangers, for the land had no city of refuge for such a man. The avenger of blood might claim him from Bezer or from Kedesh. He had shed his brother's blood, and this cried out for vengeance... David may mourn the murdered son and the banished son, but are not both of them equally lost to him?
Absalom did not pick his refuge at random. Geshur was his mother's home, and one writer traces the whole arrangement back to a marriage David should never have made.
David had already broken the law by marrying Maacah, the daughter of Talmai the king of Geshur. (Absalom had taken refuge with his grandfather.) Talmai was one of the Canaanite kings whom the people had spared through unfaithfulness (Joshua 13:2-3). Israel was not allowed to marry any of them (Ex. 34:15-16)... David used his royal power to break this rule instead of obeying the law.
Nobody sentenced Absalom or deported him; he took himself off. The years away changed nothing in him. David was different — he confessed his sin.
Absalom becomes a voluntary exile, going to Geshur, meaning "proud beholder" (v.37). The name hints at pride — watching others and condemning them, while seeing no wrong in yourself. In contrast to David, there is no indication that Absalom ever repented of his crime. He remained at Geshur for three years, during which time David longed after his son.
Because nothing was settled during the exile, nothing was settled at the return either. The three verses that follow this one run straight into a homecoming arranged on feeling alone.
Absalom murders Amnon, and then flees to Geshur, where he remains three years. David allows him to return, contrary to the positive command of the law. Even if he had only killed by accident, he should have stayed in a city of refuge. But he was a murderer. David takes him back with his murder still on him, on purely natural grounds — no confession, no judgement, no atonement.
David's longing for his son was a weakness, not a kindness.
At the end of 2 Samuel 13 the king was longing for Absalom. This was an unfortunate weakness. Absalom was a murderer, and the law of the Lord did not allow David to long after him... When Absalom returned from his voluntary exile, the sentence should have been carried out. To spare him would be to add disobedience to transgression.
The same writer turns this into a warning. Absalom's later rebellion grew out of the way his exile ended.
David's excessive tenderness only paved the way for Absalom's open rebellion. Terrible warning! Deal tenderly with evil, and it will certainly rise to a head and crush you in the end. On the other hand, meet evil in the name of the Lord, and your victory is sure... Plain, unflinching decision is, after all, the safest and happiest path. It may be trying at first, but the end is peaceful.
- Sin. David was forgiven, but God's government over him stood firm. The sword would not leave his house, and Absalom's flight is part of that.
- Compromise. Geshur was the kingdom of Absalom's grandfather, a refuge opened by a marriage David should never have made.
- Flight. No city of refuge covered murder. Absalom had to leave the land and shelter with foreigners.
- Distance. Three years abroad changed his address, not his heart. There is no sign he ever repented, while his father longed for him.
- Return. He came back with no confession, no judgement, no atonement. Evil left unjudged grew into open rebellion.