Honour widows who are really widows;
Paul now turns to one group inside the church: widows. His command to honour them raises two questions the rest of the chapter answers. The first is what "honour" costs. The second is who counts as a widow "indeed."
The word that opens this instruction is wide. It may include money, but it is never only money.
Next comes the important case of those who had lost their husbands. It mattered all the more because of the position of women in that ancient world: "Honour widows who are truly widows." This is the opening instruction, and so the word used, "honour," has the broadest possible meaning. Some, perhaps many, might not need material proof of care; but due regard belonged to all who were really widows. The context makes plain who the real widow is. She had no immediate relations to take care of her, and so was all the more to be an object of honour. If she was destitute, that honour would certainly mean support, more or less according to her need. But it is a mistake to limit honour to such provision, as many a real widow might have no such necessity. "Honour" here, as elsewhere, must be kept in its own proper and broad meaning.
Bereavement alone does not settle the question. Paul's qualifier points to something in the woman herself.
First, we are told to pay due regard to widows who are "widows indeed." A "widow indeed" is not simply someone who has lost her husband. She is a woman marked by certain moral qualities. Whether in need or not, such women are to be held in honour.
Luke's Gospel supplies portraits of the very traits Paul lists, and one writer sets the three side by side.
Three characteristics mark the "widow indeed." She is desolate, she trusts in God, and she keeps on in supplications and prayers night and day (v. 5)... The widow of Nain was truly the desolate one (Luke 7). Her son, "the only son of his mother," was being carried out for burial when our blessed Lord met him as the Prince of Life. The poor widow put her two small coins into the treasury. Out of her poverty she "put in all she had to live on," and she surely trusted in God (Luke 21). And in Anna we find the last characteristic. She was a widow of about eighty-four years. She did not leave the temple, but served God with fasting and prayer night and day (Luke 2:37).
The church is told to honour widows because God Himself already does. That care is not second-best.
What rich provision there is here for widows and orphans! How wonderful is God's care of them! How many widows are far better off than when they had their husbands! How many orphans are better cared and provided for than when they had their parents! God looks after them! That is enough... He is always true to His own Name, whatever relationship He takes. Let all widows and orphans remember this for their comfort and encouragement.
Verse 4 narrows the scope. A widow with living children or grandchildren is their charge, not the church's.
The church was never intended to swamp the family. Instead, the grace and truth which came by Jesus Christ should deepen our sense of every duty and widen the reach of active love.
Another writer points to what Paul says about the man who dodges that duty.
Notice how clearly Paul teaches that children and descendants are responsible for the support of their parents. In this way they show godliness or piety at home... His condemnation in verse 8 of the man who avoids or neglects this duty is very severe. It shows how serious a sin it is in God's sight. Some men are famous for piety in public. Yet they are branded as worse than an unbeliever for the lack of this piety at home.
Where there is no family, the church steps in — but with limits.
There may, however, be needy people in the Christian circle who have no relatives to provide for them. The assembly should put such people on the list of those it can rightly care for. Even so, one must take care not to use the house of God as if it were merely an institution for supporting needy people.
The honoured widow is more than a welfare category. Her position pictures something true of the whole church and of Christ Himself.
As far as earth is concerned, the Church is a widow; in this sense she is desolate, with no visible resource at all. When she realizes this, she enters most fully into the enjoyment of the boundless affections of her Lord... The characteristics given are also seen in our blessed Lord Himself. He was alone. He had nowhere to lay His head, and no one on earth shared His fellowship. He trusted in God, and He was constantly in prayer. Every believer therefore should be marked in this way, and will be in proportion as he is like his Lord.
- Honour, broadly. The command covers respect for every real widow. Where there is need it also means money. But honour is always more than money.
- Honour, discerned. A "widow indeed" is not merely bereaved. She is left alone, she has set her hope on God, and she keeps praying — the marks seen in Anna and in the woman with two coins.
- Honour, at home first. Children and grandchildren carry the primary duty. The man whose piety shines in public but fails his own mother is branded as worse than an unbeliever.
- Honour, then by the church. Where no family remains, the assembly adds such a widow to its list. But it must not turn into a mere relief agency.
- Honour, as a mirror. Desolate on earth, trusting God, praying night and day — this was Christ's own path. Every believer's life should take the same shape.
but if any widow have children or descendants, let them learn first to be pious as regards their own house, and to render a return on their side to [their] parents; for this is acceptable in the sight of God.
The apostle has just told Timothy to honour widows who are truly widows. Now he draws a line: if a widow still has family, the family carries the cost. Two questions follow. Who must learn this duty, and what does it look like day to day?
The instruction speaks to the widow's family, not to the widow. One writer notes that readers have long disputed this, and gives his reason:
Such a widow, unlike those of verse 3, is entrusted to her immediate relatives, who must learn their duty if they did not already know it. Strange to say, most of the early church writers take the widows to be the ones who must learn, and so do some later German scholars, including Winer. Chrysostom, Theodoret and others among the Greeks read it that way, as did Jerome and others among the Latins, and even Luther and Calvin. But the Syriac stands with others in the true view, that it is the children or grandchildren who are called to learn. This best agrees with the context, and is morally sound in itself. The younger owed loving and respectful care to the widow of their family. That is the strict sense of making a return. The church was never intended to swamp the family. Instead, the grace and truth that came by Jesus Christ should deepen every sense of duty and widen the reach of active love.
Older English versions read "nephews," a word that has since narrowed in meaning. The same writer traces how the translation drifted:
Tyndale translated the Greek word as "neves," and the Protestant versions that followed kept it, right down to the King James Version. In that day the word seems to have covered grandsons or descendants in general. Now it means only the children of a brother or sister. So the common translation is not a mistake. It is only an outdated usage, and "descendants" is the better word.
"Making some return to their parents" means practical support. One writer shows how seriously God treats a failure here, and how a public reputation can hide it:
Notice how clearly this teaches that children and descendants are responsible for the support of their parents. In this way they show godliness, or piety at home. Let us fix this in our minds, for we forget it easily in these days of state handouts and other forms of public support. Verse 8 condemns the man who avoids or neglects this duty in very severe terms. That shows how serious a sin it is in God's sight. Some men are famous for their piety in public, yet they stand branded as worse than an unbeliever for lack of this piety at home.
Some once found a way around the duty of honouring parents, turning religion itself into the excuse:
This command plainly made it obligatory on the Jews to maintain their parents if that was needed. But they wanted to escape this responsibility, and they invented a religious pretext for doing so. They taught that a man who dedicated his property to God for His service was free from the duty of honouring his parents. So they said, "It is Corban." That means a gift, something set apart for sacred use. In this way they excused themselves from their responsibility.
The word "first" sets an order. One writer weighs it against public service:
I do not wish to devalue teaching or preaching or missionary work in the slightest. But I dare to say that piety at home is more important than a class in the Sunday School or speaking at the corner of the street. My reason comes from the verse itself: "let them first learn to show godliness to their own household." What God has put first, we are always wrong to put second. How much more to neglect it altogether!
He then asks why home is the test, and why the family so often gets our worst:
Why is home the best place? Because there you are more off your guard than perhaps anywhere else... Why should you keep your sweetness for your Christian friends and your sourness for your family? You must first learn to show piety at home. It will make you a better teacher of children, and a better disciple of Christ in every way.
The verse ends by naming who is watching:
If such parents are in real need, let the descendants prove their practical piety by making a return to them. This is good and acceptable before God. Here again we see that piety brings God into all the details of life, and seeks to act in a way that pleases Him.
- Learn. The children and grandchildren must learn this duty, not the widow. Commentators have long differed here, and many early writers read it the other way.
- First. God set the order. Piety at home comes before public service, and what God puts first we must never put second.
- Family. "Descendants" is the better word than the older "nephews." The duty runs down the whole family line, and the church was never meant to swallow up the family.
- Repay. The return owed is practical support, not sentiment. Religious excuses for holding it back, like the Corban gift, push God's command aside.
- Accepted. This is what God calls acceptable, and it brings Him into the smallest details of ordinary family life.
Now she who [is] a widow indeed, and is left alone, has put [her] hope in God, and continues in supplications and prayers night and day.
Paul is telling Timothy which widows the church should honour and support. Here he describes the genuine one — and raises a question that goes far beyond widows: what does God do with a person stripped of every human resource?
One writer names the three marks in order.
The Apostle then gives us the beautiful marks of one who is "truly a widow". She is desolate, with no human resources. Her confidence is in God — she "has set her hope on God". And she depends on God, for she "continues in supplications and prayers night and day."
One writer asks why this constant prayer belongs to the widow, and answers from what she has lost.
Here we have individual perseverance "in supplications and prayers." Why is it the widow's part to continue in them "night and day"? Because she is alone and stripped of every resource. She can only turn to God, and in this way learn dependence.
Many such women had once been the ones helping others. Now they receive instead.
In the days of her prosperity this Christian woman gave herself to the good works listed in verse 10. She would have recognized that it was really God Himself caring for the afflicted through her hands. He was the Giver; she was only the channel. Now her position is reversed. But she knows well that she must not look to the channels, but to the mighty Source of all. So her trust is in God, and she waits on Him in prayer. She too is marked by that trust in the living God which is such a large part of practical godliness.
What kind of God does she trust? One writer answers from what God says about Himself.
He is high over all — great, mighty and awesome. But He has a heart for the widow and the fatherless. They are helpless, stripped of every earthly and natural support: the poor grieving, broken-hearted widow and the orphan left alone. God thinks of such people and cares for them in a very special way; they have a claim upon His loving heart and mighty hand. "Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in his holy habitation." "She who is truly a widow, left all alone, has set her hope on God and continues in supplications and prayers night and day." "Leave your fatherless children; I will keep them alive; and let your widows trust in me."
Luke's Gospel supplies faces for the description — one for each mark of the verse.
Three characteristics are given of the woman who is "truly a widow." She is "left all alone." She "has set her hope on God." She "continues in supplications and prayers night and day." … The widow of Nain met our blessed Lord, the Prince of Life, as her son — "the only son of his mother" — was being carried out for burial. She was the desolate one. (Luke 7.) The poor widow who put two small coins into the treasury, who "out of her poverty put in all she had to live on," was one who trusted in God. (Luke 21.) And in Anna we find the last characteristic. It is said of her that "she was a widow of about eighty-four years, who did not depart from the temple, worshiping with fasting and prayer night and day."
One writer sees another side to her desolation — and a likeness that reaches past widows.
Remember that her desolation, which is her essential feature, is only on the side of earth. In fact it is perfectly true that her very bereaved condition has been the means of her choicest blessing, in the dealings of the God of all comfort. … The same characteristics are seen in our blessed Lord Himself. He was alone. He had nowhere to lay His head, and no one on earth shared fellowship with Him. He trusted in God, and He was always occupied in prayer. So every believer should be marked in the same way, and will be, in proportion as he is like his Lord.
- Left alone. Being desolate means no human help is left. She has lost every earthly and natural support.
- Learning dependence. She can only turn to God, and that is how she learns dependence.
- Looking past channels. She once gave to others as God's channel; now she looks not to channels but to the Source, and waits on Him in prayer.
- Leaning on a promise. Her trust rests on what God says He is — Father of the fatherless, protector of widows, keeper of those left behind.
- Likeness to Christ. The Lord Himself was alone, trusted God, and was always in prayer. Every believer should carry the same marks, in proportion as he is like his Lord.