conducting his own house well, having [his] children in subjection with all gravity;
These verses list what must be true of a man before the church trusts him with oversight. Here the test moves indoors: why should the way a man runs his own home decide his fitness for spiritual care?
This test is not about the ability to preach or teach. A man may have a real gift and still fail it.
It is plain that this is not at all a question of spiritual gift. A man might have a good gift and yet not have a well-ordered house. Perhaps the wife does not behave well, or the children are unruly. Whatever his gift, if the wife or the family were a dishonour, he could not be an overseer. (This is the simple and true meaning of "bishop.")
A man's own home shows whether he can keep order anywhere else.
Moreover, his own house must be orderly, his children in subjection, for this was the very proving ground of his ability to keep order in the assembly.
The Greek word behind "gravity" (ESV: "dignity") is not reserved for leaders. It runs through these letters as something asked of everyone.
Do you know today a single truly semnos man, except the Man Christ Jesus? And yet, the deacons and their wives, and also the aged men were all to be semnos. The overseers especially are to have this quality; and Titus was to show the young men an example of it, in his own life. So we see that old and young, men and women, all are to show forth a semnos life.
The wording assumes a settled family life, not a theory about leadership.
He was also to be a man who ruled his house well, with his children in subjection. These instructions show that the overseer was an elder — married, with a home of his own, and with children.
Family sorrow is not the disqualifier. What Paul has in view is a household that brings the Lord's name into public disrepute.
An elder or overseer needed more than a suitable gift for his work. In his family and his circumstances he also had to be free from any appearance of scandal on the name of the Lord. He must have a good report, and be morally irreproachable in himself and his household. There might be trial or sorrow — few families were without both. But the concern here is something that damaged the public standing of the assembly. For this very reason the main thing for local oversight was moral weight.
A home out of control points back to something in the man himself.
It is important, too, to see that a man who could not rule his own house and have his children in subjection was not fit to guide in the Church of God. In that case there was some lack in his character, some weakness, or an inability to govern himself. I fear that this plain instruction is often set aside. We have seen men prominent in overseership whose households were entirely beyond their control and a scandal in the world. Only disaster can come from disregarding Scripture.
A Christian home takes its pattern from God's own house.
What I want to press on every Christian head of a house is this. The whole thing, from one end to the other, should bear the stamp of God's presence and God's authority. Every member should openly acknowledge God. Everything should be run so that it draws out the confession, "God is here." And this is not so that people praise the head of the house for his influence and good management. It is simply so that God may be glorified. This is not too much to aim at. We should never settle for less. A Christian's house should be a miniature of the house of God — not so much in the actual state of each member, as in the moral order and godly arrangement of the whole.
Apostles and their delegates once appointed elders. So what use are these instructions now?
Today we have no apostles, and no apostolic delegates, to appoint elders. For anyone to claim such authority would be mere pretension… Still, we are to profit by these directions. From them we learn what qualities still show that a man is fitted to watch over the Lord's interests, and to guide others in keeping order and godliness in local assemblies.
- House first. Order in a man's own home is the proving ground of his ability to keep order in the assembly.
- House, not gift. Preaching ability cannot make up for a household that dishonours the Lord. Oversight rests on moral weight, not on gift.
- House with dignity. Dignity is not an officer's badge — old and young, men and women are all called to that seriousness of life.
- House on display. Sorrow in a family is not the issue. What disqualifies a man is a household that publicly shames the Lord's name.
- House as a model. A Christian home should be a miniature of God's house, so ordered that people say, "God is here."
(but if one does not know how to conduct his own house, how shall he take care of the assembly of God?)
This verse sits inside Paul's list of qualifications for oversight in the church, and it asks a question instead of giving a command. A man's record in the small circle of his own home tells you what to expect of him in God's church.
The link between household and assembly is not just an illustration. It is a test, and one writer says what the test measures.
His own house must be orderly, his children in subjection, for this was the very proving ground of his ability to keep order in the assembly.
Failure at home says something about the man himself, not just about his children. A second writer looks behind the disorder to the man.
It is important, too, to see that a man who could not rule his own house and have his children in subjection was not fit to guide in the Church of God. There was clearly, in that case, some lack in his character, some weakness, or perhaps an inability to govern himself.
The list in this chapter asks about character, not ability. William Kelly names what it looks for, and why failure at home settles the matter.
It is a question of government in the assembly... Moral qualities, not gifts, are what is required, along with personal and family circumstances that are well spoken of... and used to rule his household well, with children subject in all seriousness. For there too practical inconsistency would be fatal; and all the more, since God's assembly needs far more care than one's own house.
Oversight is not the same thing as public ministry. Writers warn against mixing the two.
Many believers do not have a proper sense of where ministry comes from. So in their minds, they have confused the exercise of spiritual gifts with local offices. Now an elder, or a deacon, might be a gifted man or not. Ministry is the exercise of a spiritual gift. It flows from the Lord in glory and belongs to the Church at large. These appointments, though, were purely local.
Paul's word for caring for the church is a rare one. Where else it appears shows what the work involves.
Many have pointed out that the word translated "take care of" in this passage appears only once elsewhere in the New Testament. It occurs in the Parable of the Good Samaritan. There the Lord pictures him going to the wounded, half-dead man whom thieves had attacked. He pours oil and wine into his wounds, at his own cost, of course. He sets him on his animal, while he himself has to walk. He brings him to an inn (Luke 10:34). What a model for those called to eldership! This is how they are to "take care of the church of God." It will cost them something. It will certainly mean self-denial.
Paul names the object of this care: God's church. That ownership changes how any man may act in it.
Since the assembly is God's house, not man's, Timothy was to learn how to conduct himself in it. Everyone would call it an outrageous intrusion if someone else set the rules for a house, unless the master had clearly authorised it.
The apostles and their delegates made these appointments. That office is gone, but the qualities in this list still matter.
There is no provision for appointing bishops or elders after apostolic days. Yet the moral and spiritual qualifications for such men are carefully given to us. That shows that, although no official appointment can be made today, men with these qualifications may still be found.
Hamilton Smith applies the same test to God's people as a whole.
Departure from God has been followed by division among leaders — unfaithfulness to one another... This in turn has led many to turn aside to the world. And unholy alliances with the world have brought the world's unholy practices into the family life of God's people. And if we have been wrong in our own homes, it is little wonder that we have been unable to govern in the house of God.
- Care begins at home. The household is the proving ground. Order kept there shows a man can keep order in the assembly.
- Care exposes character. An unruly home points to a lack in the man — weakness, or failure to govern himself.
- Care costs. The word for "take care of" is the Samaritan's word: oil, wine, his own animal, his own money, self-denial.
- Care is not ownership. It is God's house, and only its Owner sets the rules for it.
- Care is recognised, not claimed. No one appoints elders today, but these qualities are still visible — and where homes fail, God's house grows weak.