But I say to the unmarried and to the widows, It is good for them that they remain even as I.
Paul has just said he wishes all were as he was, while granting that each person has his own gift from God. Now he speaks to those who are not married and to widows. He tells them that staying single is good. But he never makes it a rule.
Paul draws a careful line here. What he says next is not a command but a permission. And it comes with a built-in exception.
The Holy Spirit led the apostle to write this, declaring that it was not a commandment but a permission. His own wish for others was that all should be as he was himself. But he does not forget that each person has what God gives him. So to the unmarried and to widows he says it is good for them to remain as he is. Yet even that is not absolute. It holds only if they can do so without fear of sinning in this matter.
Paul points to himself: "as I am." He never married. That was not because he disliked family life. And he never made his own path the standard for others.
This wish did not come from any dislike of married life. … Family joys would have meant much to a man of his temperament and feeling. But great grace was on him. His miraculous conversion was also his special setting apart for the work of God. … But we shall never find an inspired apostle making himself a final standard for others to copy. No truly spiritual man does that. … But he remembers God. His own wishes are not God's appointment. And by admitting that "every one has his proper gift of God," he limits his own holy desire. He also records his protest, in advance, against the folly and great wickedness of those who would later use human authority to enforce celibacy.
Admiring a path is not the same as having the gift for it. Staying single is "good" when God gives that gift. Without it, the same choice is a mistake.
It is one thing to say, "Follow Paul's example," and quite another thing to have the "proper gift" to do it. God must give both the call and the spiritual power. Without them, it is a fatal mistake for anyone to expect to walk in such a path. Remember, in these days of ritual and revived monastic life, that marriage is holy and honourable. God established it in the Garden of Eden. He approved it by His presence at Cana in Galilee. In Hebrews 13:4 His Spirit declares it honourable in all.
God does not give that gift to everyone, and Paul does not leave those people stuck. When the desire for marriage is strong, marrying is the better course. Forbidding marriage is another matter entirely.
We can fully agree that it is good to remain unmarried; yet even Paul himself advises that if the natural instinct and desire for marriage were strong within one, it is better to marry. "Forbidding to marry," he assures us elsewhere, is diabolical teaching (1 Tim. 4:1-3).
Fewer ties mean fewer claims on a person's time. And the Christian's calling now is not comfort but following Christ.
A man must be his own judge in this matter. … Can he live single with a contented heart? By all means let him do so. God's present calling is not to vineyards and olive groves, or to happiness or wealth here. It is to suffer for a while with Christ, and then to reign with Him. The fewer natural claims a Christian has on his time and energy, the freer he is to follow, with a single eye, the Master he has the privilege of serving. But let him know his proper gift, and aim no higher than God gives him strength to reach.
Paul names widows alongside the unmarried, and later in the chapter he returns to them. He calls staying free the happier path. But he never turns it into a ban.
Not only the widower but the widow becomes free to marry again. But the apostle gives his judgment against it. Not on moral grounds — only superstition could raise a question there. He says it because staying free is the happier state. Even here we find none of the language that came later, when people praised celibacy as the highest of Christian virtues and condemned re-marriage as unchristian. Instead, even for the widow, the apostle adds one condition to her marrying again: "only in the Lord." That phrase means more than that both are Christians. It demands that she marry in a Christian way.
- Permission — Paul gives this as a permission, not a command, and he adds an escape clause at once.
- Gift — the single life is a gift, "one this way, and another that." Willpower alone cannot take it up.
- Freedom — its value is fewer claims on time and energy, leaving a person freer to follow Christ with a single eye.
- Guard — nobody can impose a gift. One writer calls the forbidding of marriage "diabolical teaching."
- Choice — each person must judge for himself. Marriage is honourable; staying single is good. God leaves both paths open.
But if they have not control over themselves, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn.
Paul has just told the unmarried and widows that staying single is good. Here he adds an exception, and with it come the questions the whole chapter turns on: is singleness a higher grade of holiness, is marriage a concession to weakness, and who decides?
Paul weighs his own words carefully here. He is not laying down a law.
This is how the Holy Spirit led the large-hearted apostle to write. He made clear that what he had laid down was not a commandment, but a permission. His own wish for others was that all should be even as himself. But he does not forget that each person has what God gives him. So to the unmarried and to widows he says it is good for them to stay as he is. Even then it is not without limits. It holds only where they can stay single without fear of sinning in this matter.
So Paul gives permission here, not a command. And the permission has an exception built into it.
Paul is not comparing good with bad. He compares two conditions, and one harms the soul more.
To the unmarried and the widows he says it is good to stay as he himself is. But if they could not control their nature and stay in calm purity, it was better to marry. Unsubdued desire was more hurtful than the bond of marriage.
Behind that comparison stands God's knowledge of how weak we are.
Faith recognises a plain, strict truth, and faith may and should aim to reach it in practice. Yet God's grace is designed to meet the weakness of the flesh as well as to satisfy the desires of the Spirit. He who has called us into fellowship with His Son still thinks of what we are made of, and remembers that we are dust. He gives no support to sin. But He makes honourable provision for those who find the single life a burden too heavy and too dangerous to carry.
No one else can measure another person's strength. This verse leaves the choice, and its consequences, to the person himself.
Restless desire is a disease that harms the soul... A man must be his own judge in this matter. Marriage is honourable if he chooses it; but his choice will bring its consequences. Can he live single with a contented heart? Then by all means let him do so... But let him know his proper gift, and aim no higher than God gives him strength to reach.
Paul wished that everyone were single as he was.
That could never happen for everyone, since each person had his own gift from God. If God had not Himself fitted a man for this, it would be a mistake for him to refuse to marry a wife God had brought to him. Paul's viewpoint was a blessed one, but it is not the normal path. We may admire it, but admiration is not the power to follow it.
This verse allows an exception, and people have often read it backwards. They treat the single life as the standard and marriage as a fall from it. Commentators show what happens when a church turns that exception into a rule.
There is a spiritual energy that lifts the person who receives it above ordinary conditions. But God's institution — here, marriage — stays exactly the same. Paul was a witness of the first, and he still upholds the second. God laid marriage down as the rule. But the Holy Spirit can and does raise one person or another above the need of marriage, in rare cases and for good reason. It was a question of God's gift... The opposite of this holy wisdom shows up in the church that has joined itself to the world. It turns the exception of grace into a church rule, and so into corruption.
Grant adds that Paul condemns any rule that bans marriage: "Forbidding people to marry, he tells us elsewhere, is teaching that comes from the devil (1 Timothy 4:1-3)."
Paul commends the single life, yet he leaves the conscience of the one who marries clear.
The married should not look for a way out of marriage, any more than the single should look to be bound. And again, he would keep the conscience free for those who might marry. Neither man nor woman sins by marrying, however unwise Christian judgment may find it. Married people cannot escape trouble in the flesh, and the apostle wanted to spare them this.
- Gift — The single life is not an achievement to copy. It is a gift, and not everyone has it.
- Self-knowledge — Since it is a gift, each person judges his own case, and aims no higher than the strength God supplies.
- Danger — Restless desire harms the soul more than marriage ever burdens it. That is why marriage is the better course here.
- Provision — Grace does not shame the weakness. God remembers what we are made of, and He provides for us with honour in marriage.
- Guardrail — A gift is not a law, so no one may turn the exception into a rule. Paul condemns any ban on marriage, and marrying is no sin.